Do you allow people to see you upset?

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You guys are as tough as nails.

No I don't, usually. If I'm upset, I'll try to hide it.

It's so rare that I actually share my negative feelings, that it stands out like a huge breakthrough when I do. Some years ago there was a landlord who was giving me trouble, and I somehow managed to say to a couple of workmates, "he's really getting to me." Doesn't sound like much, but I was aware of it like it was a quantum leap. It would have been hard enough for me to notice how I was feeling, but to actually share it as well, that's quite unusual.

Not that I expect it to do much good. In theory it ought to, but in my experience, even when I tell people I'm feeling physically ill, unless there's blood spurting they seem to completely ignore what I've said. Perhaps I just don't say it loud and clear enough.

I don't feel that the world has time for my feelings. When my wife was about to leave the matrimonial home, a counsellor asked me how I felt, I just went straight on to discuss the practicalities of what to do about it. But there were only a few minutes of the session left, and I really didn't want to open up that particular can of worms without an hour or so to do it justice. Frankly, my gut reaction was to say "how the f**k do you think I feel? " because I thought it was insensitive to put me in that position.

Last edited by ToughDiamond on 16 Mar 2011, 6:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

I do, yes. I somehow learned that crying is nothing to be ashamed of. I cried on the bus yesterday, I was reading a beautiful book. It's good, cos mostly people keep away from you when you're crying.

Maybe it's that you aren't expressing yourself as dramatically as your average NT... from what you've written, it sounds like you might give off a very muted expressivity. That won't convince usually... this is something I'm working on too.

Could be. It annoys me when people exaggerate and try to "sell" their take to others. I might be over-compensating. But I tried immediacy once and it was a disaster, I just came over as offensive and weird.

Me, I get upset v v easily.

TOughdiamond, it would be a big event for me to admit something or someone was getting to me too.

Even with something as mundane as feeling tired, it's much the same. Not quite so difficult, but it doesn't happen much.

I will sit yawning all day but never say 'I'm tired' even when people around me moan that they are tired.

I had planned to see someone before they died, I left it too late but the only comment I made was about cancelling the visit. It wasn't What I was thinking but felt like the safest thing to say at the time. Imagine how evil I must have sounded!

I am very sensitive, but it seems I try to disconnect emotion when I am talking to my friends. My friend has only ever heard me cry once, which was when my grandmother passed away and she asked me what was wrong. My family has seen me cry over time over little things. They would think I was crying over something like, not getting a piece of chocolate, but it was usually a build up of things that bothered me until I just couldn't take it.

Usually the first thing I've felt on being told of a close one's death has been "why are they telling me this now? Don't they know I'm busy?" I've learned to display some kind of appearance of immediate sorrow and concern, and I do feel those things in time, but not at the moment I get the news. And the sorrow expresses strangely....once, the environment just seemed to lose its colour and I went all cold, another time I suddenly felt very tearful, and was halfway up the stairs to go and share it with my wife (it was one of those rare "breakthrough" moments when I thought I might be becoming a human being at last), when the mood vanished. Being undiagnosed, I suspected an unconscious motive like not trusting my wife with my inner feelings, but I remember bursting into tears about another matter once, and she cuddled me and helped me to feel better, so I don't see how such a motive could have been operating. More likely it was just the Aspie thing.

Same here. Especially lately after some physical problems, they've oddly made me cry easier even though I cry less often in general now than I used to. And yet when I do, my threshold is lower. It's weird.

My control slips fairly rarely. I feel disgusted with myself when it happpens.

I have had occasions where I have lost emotional control and on both occasions I remember I lost friends. I do not allow myself to be emotional around other people if I can help it.

If I am upset I cannot hide or keep control of my emotions to other people however hard I try. When emotions are there thy run high and there is no stopping them. My eyes will water and my lips will quiver (though I wont cry) if I am upset. Which can be over something really silly - I often have to make a quick exit and recover somewhere on my own when this happens and try to kid myself that no one noticed.

No, no one outside my imediate family has ever seen me upset,exited,angry or anything and even then my own family dont see these, i dont know about it being an aspie thing because my freind who also has aspergers crys all the time and i dont think she cares who sees it.