"Using" People

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Either way it's a dumb thing to say because he places himself into a framework of being either malevolent or incompetent.

Or maybe it's social advertising. He's saying "See how good I am? they'll put up with anything because I'm so desirable for other things."

Something similar may have happened to the Slinky founder. After cheating on his wife, he joined a religious movement. The simple thing to do might have been to stop cheating, apologize and get on with things. But oh, no! He had to confess his "sins" (thus advertising his fitness and possibly also continuing the cheating without his wife around) and divert company resources away from providing for his wife and kids. It's kind of a rotten thing.

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/rea ... in-bolivia

whoa never knew that about the slinky guy. my friend has also called himself vain. he has some messed up self love / self hate deal. he can think he's great. then he'll mention that he's failed a lot with women. he admits that openly too.

To me, this sounds histrionic. People with Histrionic Personality Disorder love attention, will do anything to get it, and also manipulate people, but for "friendship" and nurturance, rather than power like someone with ASPD does.

Last edited by dunbots on 23 Mar 2011, 5:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I agree with dunbots. That doesn't sound like ASPD. I don't know about histrionic, though. It sounds like the typical Aspie pattern of wanting friends, but getting too involved with special interests to pay attention to them. If anything, I would say it is avoidant personality disorder, but It's probably not a good idea to try to diagnose someone from such a brief description.

Well, making up stories, changing answers, and having a "zig zag" mind is quite histrionic. But you're right, it's hard to tell from so little information.

That makes sense. I hadn't noticed that. You could very well be right. I tend towards the Avoidant myself, so I am not a very good observer, because I naturally explain everything in terms of Avoidant behavior.

i can explain anything further. it's like thinking he has close friends but they're all situational or very far away. he's more open to acquaintances and spreads his stories across a variety of those types of "friends" but as he gets closer to people, he shuts down...other than with the one engaged girl that seems to have some element of control over him. she's rather manipulative and knows how to "play" guys for attention and he has an attraction to her. so, maybe its that combinations that works in controlling him. otherwise, he doesn't call girls back that he's met on online dating sites, doesn't get too close to women, and kind of just ignores them and expects them to "get the hint" to go away. he's been rejected a lot. i think girls can sniff a bad apple though.

I had a friend who was an aspie during elementary school and high school. She always wanted to buy junk food at the corner store where she lived. She never had enough money, so she begged me to pay for her junk food. Those were not happy times.

What does using or "using" people mean. When we hire someone to do a task, we are using them.

ruveyn

that's what i'm askin'. so confusing.

i have been used by an "aspie" for nearly four years...

it turns out that i didn't recognize her extreme borderline (BPD) behavior until she left and started using the next sucker...

i tend to think that she might not have been aspie afterall.

Using a person is not a healthy relationship. Is he referring to the persons money or sex whe he/she refers to using them?? This is likely a very shallow connection relationship and I am sure that in time they will NOT last at all.


And by the way with autism its VERY important that you watch out for urself and AVOID people who seem exploitative. There will be girls who see guys with a lot of money and autism and play with their insecurities and feelings to get some of it, using sex and flirtation to achieve it. There will be stoner guys who will want you to help them get drugs and alcohol and people who are exploting you and your good nature for their own benefit.
Hope this helps

i can't think of another reason a guy would use a girl other than sex. this guy has a good salary. he's self sufficient. he's a loner. so..what other than sex could it be? he doesn't get any sex. so, it seems he'll just settle for somebody in his 40s when he lands in a location that he wants to be and keep her around for sex and otherwise ignore her. does that seem to make sense to anybody with a personality disorder?

I don't "use" people, and I never trick them into friendship explicitly for the purpose of using them, but I can be very manipulative in order to get what I want, but only if I have to. I guess that's just because I don't care about anyone else. Yes, I'm a douche.

No, it's a jerk characteristic. A self centered one too and a selfish one.




It means being with someone for the sake of something like lets say someone has a swimming pool, you only go over to their house just so you can use it but yet when they aren't using it and don't want to swim in it, you leave instead because you couldn't swim. You come to their house and they say they don't want to swim, you leave, that is using them.


My pesky neighbor used to come to my house just so he play video games and I was starting to get so sick of it, I started to lock the controllers in my bedroom and make him do what I was doing. He never left my house right when he come over so maybe he wasn't using me. Yeah I did tell him about it and he said he wasn't using me so that's when I started to lock them in my room. I was enabling it too and then I decided enough. It took me a while to pick up on it was why.

I also wonder if it's possible to not know you are using someone? I have been accused of it before.

If there is only one thing you enjoy doing with someone, are you using them for the sake of that? You would only want to be with them when you both do it.

I had a female friend who used me for my friends and tried to turn my cousin against me.