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ruveyn
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27 Mar 2011, 12:08 pm

I am living proof than some aspies can emulate NT behavior. I have been passing for human for decades. By purely empirical non-intuitive means I have mastered NT body and face language. It is a form of acting. A good actor can appear to be anyone.

ruveyn



theWanderer
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27 Mar 2011, 12:36 pm

ruveyn wrote:
I have been passing for human for decades.


We are all human. Those of us on the spectrum, NTs, everyone.

I think I do understand what you're saying, but that is such a dangerous phrase to let stand.


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wavefreak58
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27 Mar 2011, 2:12 pm

ruveyn wrote:
I am living proof than some aspies can emulate NT behavior. I have been passing for human for decades. By purely empirical non-intuitive means I have mastered NT body and face language. It is a form of acting. A good actor can appear to be anyone.

ruveyn


And what of appearing to be yourself? Or has your self become the act?


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sandrana
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27 Mar 2011, 5:54 pm

wavefreak58 wrote:
ruveyn wrote:
I am living proof than some aspies can emulate NT behavior. I have been passing for human for decades. By purely empirical non-intuitive means I have mastered NT body and face language. It is a form of acting. A good actor can appear to be anyone.

ruveyn


And what of appearing to be yourself? Or has your self become the act?


I think that AS is different for everybody, even though we may share some of the same traits. In another forum someone has raised the idea of aspies who can change themselves and aspies who can't, so I suppose this has been on my mind. It's important to realize that we're dealing with a spectrum, and that some of us simply cannot achieve what others of us can.

Wavefreak, I know you were responding to someone else, but I'm jumping in here, hope you don't mind :) for me, the idea of 'myself' isn't static. I work at a job where I interact with dozens of people a day, and learn new things all the time. Sometimes it's just trivia, other times I learn things that really make me think and can even influence how I'll feel/behave in the future. The myself that I was 20 years ago hated people, feared people, but was all too aware of the fact that we all need people in our lives. Since then, I've learned that not all people deserve to be hated or feared, just the nasty ones. I've learned that I can seek out particular people and enthuse about my latest 'special interest' and they'll actually enjoy taking the time to indulge me. This feels good, and it isn't acting, it's learning. Not sure if others can identify with this, but I thought I'd put in my 2 cents...



Apple_in_my_Eye
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27 Mar 2011, 7:19 pm

wavefreak58 wrote:
ruveyn wrote:
I am living proof than some aspies can emulate NT behavior. I have been passing for human for decades. By purely empirical non-intuitive means I have mastered NT body and face language. It is a form of acting. A good actor can appear to be anyone.

ruveyn


And what of appearing to be yourself? Or has your self become the act?


Wavefreak58, that reminded me of the blog post below (that's only a small piece of it that's quoted). (Oh, and I didn't write it, BTW.)

I remember times where I felt like I was nearly having an out-of-body experience, watching myself interacting with people and feeling like it wasn't really me who was doing the interacting. It was like I'd built up a sophisticated interactive script over the years that seemed to 'take over,' at times, which was disconcerting at best.

Since then, I've found I can't completely turn it off (it is my only interface with the normal, human world), but I can slow it down to try to make sure it's not running off on it's own so much. And the out-of-body thing doesn't happen nearly as much these days (but I live like a hermit, so, grain of salt, there).

http://cometscorner-clay.blogspot.com/2 ... redux.html

http://cometscorner-clay.blogspot.com/2010/12/who-are-you-really-redux.html
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Those of us who have been able to "pass", have done so at a tremendous cost to the soul. Always pretending to be someone we're not, it's very easy to lose track of who we actually are. It's a 24/7 job, this pretension, and if you do it at school, at work, at home, do you set out a time to be yourself - and how do you get there? We've been role-playing since Kindergarten (or before). These masks we've been holding out, and hiding behind, seem more real to us than that "still, small voice" inside who knows better, knows that we are not, in fact, the persona we have been attempting to portray to parents, siblings, school mates, work mates, all the people we know, and it knows that all these people don't know who we really are, because we haven't let them know. We're sure they would reject us if they knew.

Not without good reason - we've seen what they do to those who have more difficulties than we do. Some of us were lucky enough to avoid being "low man on the totem pole" in school, at work, or wherever. Some of us were smart enough not to join in on the teasing and making fun of whoever was the low man. Few of us ever joined forces with the low man against the rest. That requires courage, of the sort that I don't think anyone is born with. To take a stand against hatred, prejudice, and injustice, one needs to at least be convinced that he is right, and that his opinion counts for something. Aspies don't typically get the kind of nurturing that leads to a positive self-image.



Verdandi
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27 Mar 2011, 7:58 pm

Thank you for linking that post.

I remember times that the script meant agreeing with things I didn't agree with or understand, or continuing to participate in conversations that I was unprepared for and still processing, saying things just to keep people thinking I was engaged while I caught up (and I don't usually catch up until afterward), and other fun pattern matching experiences.

I've also managed to pick up a lot of ideas about myself that were costing me so much to hold onto, and I think this had a lot to do with my depression and my inability to cope with said depression.

And yeah, really really hard to turn off. Even while trying not to pretend to be NT, it's still there and contributing.



Apple_in_my_Eye
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30 Mar 2011, 3:38 am

Verdandi wrote:
Thank you for linking that post.


Sure. :)

Quote:
And yeah, really really hard to turn off. Even while trying not to pretend to be NT, it's still there and contributing.


You know, the weird thing about trying to 'turn it off' was that in the end (for me, at least) I found I could only re-work it (slow it down, mostly), but that that was ok. (Erg, my brain is not cooperating well ATM, so I'm not sure I can explain what I mean there very well.)



Verdandi
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30 Mar 2011, 4:08 am

Apple_in_my_Eye wrote:
You know, the weird thing about trying to 'turn it off' was that in the end (for me, at least) I found I could only re-work it (slow it down, mostly), but that that was ok. (Erg, my brain is not cooperating well ATM, so I'm not sure I can explain what I mean there very well.)


I'm okay with where I am at the moment, which is slowed down. I need scripts to function socially, so getting rid of them would not be good.