After I told her I had aspergers, she treated me different

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You did nothing wrong, but this is one of those situations where it doesn't pay to "do the right thing". In retrospect, her behavior since then seems to indicate that you gave her more honesty than she deserved. Now that you've done it, you can't take it back and you can forget about this one. She's treating you different because you gave a name for your quirks, labeling them in a medical way that says there's something wrong with you, and this instinctively puts her off the idea of seeing you as breeding material.

Last edited by sgrannel on 04 Apr 2011, 3:52 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I think a little humor is in order on your part:
"I have Aspergers Syndrome... I'm not ret*d"

Then shift it where you want "I'm really into you.."

Good luck

Different situation but my daughter's aunt did the same thing. She spent most of my daughter's childhood touting the 'tough love' line... you need to be firmer, more consistent, regular corrections and efforts to steer her in the same direction as 'normal' girls (my kidling likes 'boy' stuff...). Then at 8yo, we finally get the formal diagnosis - one I had hypothosized and was criticized for for two years - and the NEXT DAY, the aunt is speaking to my daughter like she's a small scared dog.

I'm glad she is more patient, and has dropped the medieval parenting tips but the condescension is infuriating.

If she wasn't family, I would have said something - unrestrained.

I would definitely point out that this woman is patronizing you. There is a good chance that she isn't even aware of how badly. Thanks to those handy dandy stereotypes she may even believe that you haven't NOTICED the change in her demeanor. No harm is setting her straight.

I've noticed this sort of reaction even in close family members. In some ways, I think some of them kind of feel guilty, because they've often been frustrated or annoyed by behaviors that they suddenly realize weren't just intentional quirks, but actual involuntary symptoms of a disorder. On the other hand, it is maddening to find someone you've known for years who always interacted with you as an equal, or even deferred to you as smarter than themselves, talking down to you like you're a ret*d child.


Did you mention to your friend that people with AS are really well endowed?

What?! You mean your dx didn't come with a complimentary lobotomy?! Cheapskates...

Oh really...

Sympathy. You're right, she should prioritise personal experience over prejudice.

I tell people who I've known a while and who I trust, and a lot of times they don't believe me. I guess it's because people associate autism with autistic disorder with mental retardation, and are taken back by people on the higher end of the spectrum telling them they are autistic. I told my girlfriend at the time, but she would refuse to believe that any of the difficulties I had were because of it. I've been lucky that I never really had people treat me negatively after I told them, because they accepted me for me. Though, I have had many people not accept me for me, no matter if I told them or not, like my stepmother.

Similar experience here Labpet, our disability people immediately started writeing to me in large blue font when I declared because it was in the company handbook that Aspies can only read blue letters. The fact that I'd been sending emails in black for 2 years prior to comming out made no difference.

Johnny - perhaps she doesn't know how to handle this and just needs a bit of support herself? The fact that we are social and not mental ret*ds is only just coming through the system and most people just don't understand what it means from their perspective.

Just a thought - good luck

It's really depressing when this happens. You finally meet one of those rare people you actually get along with, then they go and ruin it by saying something racist/homophobic/ignorant, etc.