Does anyone else love going out every weekend?

Post Reply New Topic

I do enjoy going out every weekend!

When I was younger, I would go to the mall with a friend and always leave wondering why I felt SO FRAZZLED! The noise and the crowds and the people wandering aimlessly about the aisles was nerve-wracking, to say the least! So I eventually stopped going to most of them - unless it was necessary. There is one in hte far suburbs that's a bit more sedate, but I don't go to malls much at all anymore unless I'm going into a department store through its outside entrance an out of it the same way. At the mall near where I live I have to go into the hallways to get to LensCrafters!

Now I go to a clubhouse which is noisy or to other peoples' homes to pay cards! The clubhouse is not only NOISY most of the time, it's SMOKY! And as much as I like being there, I have to retreat and regroup! It would be MUCH easier to just say the HELL with it and be alone, but I've made a lot of friends and acquaintances over the years through my Twelve Step homegroup and subsequently, the clubhouse!

It's like a dichotomy for me!

OTOH, I have not enjoyed dating. When I did try to do the dating thing, I found that I only could stomach it once a week. And when we weren't together, I didn't particularly miss her.

And going to a "club" or loud party...OUT of the question! SHUTDOWN!

Concert, shopping mall, movie theater...SHUTDOWN!

"Movie theater"? Geez. Personally I find large crowds like those at concerts to be both stimulating because NOISE AND PEOPLE EVERYWHERE! and not scary because you blend into the crowd and you're anonymous and singing along just like everyone else; you're not expected to talk to anyone. If you're in a room with 20 people, invariably people will notice you and make eye contact with you. I don't know what I'd do if I were afraid of concerts. I guess I embrace scary things though. I'm not totally comfortable with crowd surfing or moshing but I do them anyways because they're weird sensations. One time I even went to a concert alone. I have a handful of friends and none of them love concerts. Of course I was worrying the whole time that someone would notice I was there alone.

Yeah I don't know, at some point a crowd ceases to be "people" and becomes its own entity to me. I don't get anxious in situations like movies and concerts where I know I'm expected to shut up and NOT talk to anyone.

Man, you would not believe how much enjoyment I get when I am face to face with an angry grizzly bear, enclosed in a tight dark space, while bugs crawl over my skin. It's so much better when hypodermic syringes crunch under my feet, and especially when the laughter of clowns echoes in an eerie fashion through our private hell. *

* This is sarcasm.

You are talking to people a great many of whom display social anxiety. It should not be surprising to find that people with social anxiety have anxiety in social situations, because anxiety in social situations is the primary characteristic of social anxiety, which occurs when people have anxiety in social situations.

OP what you describe in your original post is my nightmare!. I'm terrified of crowds and I hate small talk and just generally hate parties! But I do know an aspie (from my support group) who likes being in large crowds. To each his or her own............

I've felt drawn to it in the past. I think it would be something i'd do if i found some lively friends to do it with. I've stopped doing it alone though as that is often not a lot of fun.

ZeroGravitas: No, it is surprising. People who are afraid of heights are on TV cliff diving all the time. You face your fear once, and then as you do it more and more it becomes exhilarating, then eventually you get used to it. I guess most people in general don't try to face their fears, but feeling a thrill and sense of accomplishment from facing a fear isn't limited to NTs.

DayDreamer84: Hm, maybe I'll find a support group...it would be cool to meet other people with Asperger's even if I don't need support per se.

jamieboy: So you used to go out alone sometimes? High five. I've done it a few times. Going to parties alone when I first got to college (my floor hated me) was interesting. I always get plastered to kill my awkwardness and have a great drunk conversation with someone. It doesn't kill the awkwardness but at least I can attribute it to drunkenness

Going to a party where you don't know anybody and WILL see them all again, now THAT'S scary.

Considering that apparently Asperger and Autism spectrum disorders the one thing common to almost all people on the spectrum is sensory integration issues, it isn't really surprising that most don't like going to noisy parties every weekend. I think the most credible theories for Autism spectrum disorders could be summarized as abnormal development caused by sensory integration issues. Though I guess when you grow older it is possible that SI-issues get smaller so that some people can actually enjoy going to noisy parties.

No. I hate going out. I can't block out background noise and am overwhelmed by visual information as well as sounds and smells. There is no sensory filter in my brain.

I prefer to stay at home and read, or watch my favourite shows or learn about something related to science or history. People in the world offer me nothing. Just a bunch of gossip about other people or celebrities or something else equally as uninteresting to me. Or they comment on what I wear or criticise my interests. If you mock my interests you mock me.

I can go out when a special invent is on like a birthday, a live band or my sister nags me enough so I end up at some Indie club that I hate but do it to spend time with her.

I know I sound negative but what I hate the most is that these people won't allow me to be just me. If I'm not acting normal to them then looked down upon or laughed at. I would rather do without that.

Except when change itself can be crippling to you and it is for most of us with autism.

You need to understand that AS/autism is predominantly about a lack of social skills, maybe even a disinterest in other people. Sensory issues are also common, which makes us overwhelmed in crowds and by noises and smells and a combination of all of that.

I'm also failing to see how you could have AS. I'm sorry but that's how I am. Others have criticised me in the past because of my stance against mild AS but really if someone with AS hasn't got social issues, a dislike of change and no sensory issues then what left is there to say that they still have AS?
People with AS can be intelligent but that is not a symptom.

So no one who's ever been to a live music event or big sporting event could have AS in yr view pensieve?

Well, to start, I find it impossible not to type a lot and I love talking about myself.

I don't know, when I hit adolescence I strongly desired to go in the complete opposite direction. I wanted to be a "cool guy with good social skills". I gradually became less obsessed with videogames (though I still play them), I started hanging out with preppy stoners (weed STILL often magnifies my AS though), and my grades dropped...2190 on my SATs got me into college. I got what I wanted. I'm almost socially normal now! My friends who knew me from when I was younger believe I have AS, but everyone else is skeptical.

I had so many symptoms as a kid. Weird behaviors? I would compulsively make loud trumpet noises with my mouth, compulsively clear my throat and make a noise to see if it's clear (seems common), compulsively tap my fingers until I could end on a satisfying interval. I sat at the front of the bus and sang children's songs aloud instead of socializing in first grade. I blurted out inappropriate things in class and always brought a small toy to occupy my fingers. I hated change as a child. I never brought gum to school without giving away the entire pack as soon as the first person asked for a piece. I never paid attention in class; most concepts came easy to me and I would rather daydream. I never made eye contact and hated being touched; I still hate anyone except cute girls touching me.

More recently it has been more subtle. Empathy. I have great parents, but I don't know if I love them; biology and society are the only reasons they love me. I don't follow sports because I can't make myself care about something that doesn't affect me. When someone is sad, I pretend to be sad too, but really it's just awkward; my change in mood comes only from the fact that I'm no longer enjoying the conversation. I ask others about themselves because I'm expected to, but I don't care about them. My ideal conversation is intelligent debate, followed by me ranting and you listening. I enjoy hearing about the lives of others if they're interesting to me, but not to the extent that I usually have to hear about them. I used to be obsessed with videogames, now it's secondary and I'm obsessed with music.

I'm not sensitive to sound (maybe because I have really waxy ears) and crowds feel safe and anonymous to me, but I've always been sensitive to cold. I keep a heater in my room even during the summer in case the temperature drops below 70.

If the social skills thing is still bothering you...well yes, apparently I'm a champ! You could say social dynamics is an obsession of mine. I basically toss myself into the deep end and attempt to swim, then later try to figure out where I drowned. Parties are extremely tough and overwhelming but I go to them anyways. I usually have at least mild anxiety during the party but it doesn't prevent me from having fun. Parties where I'm expected to walk around and talk to different people SUCK. I need some sort of anchor. The friend I came with, the beer pong table...without an anchor I end up walking around the party like not talking to anyone until someone beckons me into a conversation or I get frustrated and leave. I've gotten GREAT at casual conversation though. The one thing I CAN'T do is hook up with girls at parties, because that's a whole 'nother area of social skills I haven't yet mastered. But I plan to! My social skills grow every year with learning and practice. Anyone who has known me for at least a year says "Yeah, you're way less awkward than when I met you"

I'm sorry but it IS surprising to me that social skills isn't an obsession for anyone else. I can't be the only one who used to wish I was normal, but apparently 'becoming socially normal' is an uncommon Aspie obsession?

Sorry for the long read! I wish I knew how to type less; none of the information seems extraneous as I read it over.

I like going out but it's hard to to do because I get so stuck in what I am doing. Only time I go out is when we have to go grocery shopping or when I go to the autism group. I just need to be motivated to go out and make plans on what to do that weekend. We also go out to my inlaws and it's my son that motivates me to do it so he can know his family out there and I think it's very good when kids see their grand parents a lot or cousins or aunts and uncles if they live close by just like I did as a kid and I want my kid to have it too. But yet I don't see my cousin or aunt and uncle much and they live two miles down the road and my grandmother doesn't live far either. But I am planning on taking him to her but I need to drag myself out of the apartment to do it. But this weekend is busy for me because we have to do shopping and then the autism group.


I don't go to parties and stuff because I don't like social situations. I just bring what I like doing and that is how I cope. That is what I do when I go to my aunt and uncles or to my in laws or when my husband's old boss has a barbecue at his house or a super bowl party. I just sit in the quiet room while everyone else is loud and the music. It's where I feel comfortable. To me that is going out, if you go to the zoo or go shopping or go exploring, that is going out. Same as if you go to the support groups. I never realized going out meant going to parties for some people because to me that is not what it means. It means going out you know, leaving your house. It doesn't matter if you go for your walks or go to the store or whatever. That is still going out. Even if you do things alone.

Yes I did used to wish as a kid I was normal and now I think normal is over rated. But I keep learning as I get older.

I go to a party as long as there is at least one autistic person there. I also go to adult nights out/gatherings where the focus of the night is an intelligent conversation. I feel like I fit right in with introverted adults (most of them male at the gatherings I go to). But I mostly hang out with people on the spectum, and only lately got into hanging out with more diverse groups of people. I get an overload as well as an adrenaline rush from them. It's weird. I usually cannot focus on anything after, but I become really hyper and pumped up. I might also end up having a sleepless night due to overload, and on the next day, I usually feel crappy. However, I do crave these outings sometimes as they give me an outlet. I get too stale after spending days by myself reading or studying. It's a nice change of atmosphere. But it took me a long time to gain such a level of confidence. I have actually been going out every weekend lately, but it's not always a noisy party I go to. Only the last weekend and this weekend.

This topic is actually fascinating to me. I know some people with AS whom I cannot envision being super social, but over time, in our group, we have witnessed them loosen up. I wonder if it could just be a confidence issue. It might also have to do with the nature of our interests. Ever since my interest has shifted more to the autism awareness aspect, I have liked putting myself in situations where I could propagate some sort of awareness, or situations that would eventually lead to me being in situations where I could propagate awareness. That's why I have actually gotten into social networking. I love Facebook and how it connects everyone in a "web" of links.

Must be me... lol.

Last edited by MathGirl on 08 Apr 2011, 7:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I barely left the house during my teenage years, except to go to school (if I hadn't persuaded my mother I had flu/earache/stomach problems etc). When I went to university I spend the whole first year either in the library or in my room. In my second year I was persuaded to go to clubs. I found them unbearable, and the only way I could cope was to down as many double vodkas as possible. This invariably led to me getting very ill, and doing things I later regretted. In my third and fourth years I went back to the library. Thank God mobile phones were a rarity then.

Now I am a complete and utter hermit.

If you can deal with those kind of situations then good for you. Although losing your virginity with a random stranger might seem like a good idea, you may regret it afterwards. Or you may not. Either way, you're young, enjoy yourself in whatever way you want to. It's your life.

Yes! I get that adrenaline rush from going out and meeting new people. I only vaguely remember the conversations afterwards because everything's so intense. I suppose if I had hung out with Aspies my whole life I'd get a rush just from hanging out with NTs, but I've only had one friend who might have Asperger's, and he denied having it when I asked him. Since I hung out with somewhat popular kids (who preferred smoking weed over going out to parties) in high school and joined a frat in college, the people I hang out with are the polar opposite of ASD.

And to your second point, I find that I'm shy when I'm the new guy in a group of friends. They're updating each other on their lives, referencing inside jokes, etc. and unless I'm on fire that night or I can immediately connect with their personalities, it can be daunting. It's only human to be confident in familiar situations and unconfident in new ones; I think we're just less confident in new situations than we otherwise would be due to our lack of social intuition. Apparently sensory overload causes many of you to get nervous as well, but that aspect is more mild for me; I just get an adrenaline rush from it.

Yes, that's the thing that makes me nervous, along with the unpredictability that people carry with them. My awareness of the overload is very low, though, as is my emotional awareness in general. I also enjoy the intenseness of it all, and don't remember conversations from these situations, either, because there are too many of them at the same time. I just zone out sometimes, lose myself in my own thoughts, and talk about my interests or whatever is on my mind. There need to be people with common interests wherever I go, otherwise I become completely lost; I start feeling as though I am standing on shaky ground and just want to leave. It's interesting how you say that the people you hang out with are the polar opposite of NTs. I can't handle being surrounded by NTs my age or around my age. I find them immature and incomprehensible. But if I have a friend on the spectrum beside me, if anything happens, at least I could have someone who could identify with my situation and perhaps protect me/help me cope with the situation somehow. I just hate feeling like a weirdo and an outsider - that alone is very, very draining. It's like culture shock, lol.

I'm confused. Your profile says you "Have Asperger's - Diagnosed."