Does this neighbor sound Aspie to you?

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I didn't mean specifically to talk to his wife about him, but to just talk to her.

People tend to be less hostile toward people they have at least some basic interaction with. If you have some kind of positive interaction with her that may help with him. She may also volunteer information about her husband which may make you more comfortable. For example, he may have AS, or he may have severe insomnia.

It may make you uncomfortable to do this, but he may be as confused about how to handle this situation as you are, and although you may have not directly implied to him that you are considering trying to get a restraining order you did mention that possibility in your description here. If you are considering legal action and he is threatening legal action(regardless of justification of lack thereof), the situation is likely to continue to get more intense and not be resolved, but if you talk to his wife, that may lead to you talking to him, and it may help make things easier for both of you.

Your neighbor may be dangerous, but most people generally aren't. Considering that, he may just be odd and he may actually be nicer to people who know him.

He may be a jerk, but it seems like it's important to be more direct in situations like this. Regardless of whether he has AS, consider this: If your daughter has AS, she may have abnormal sensory sensitivities, and may behave in ways that are unusual. If something was aggravating those sensitivities or people were using her behavior as a reason to think she had negative intentions, would you prefer that those people ask her or would you prefer that they just think negatively of her?

He could be aspie or could just be a weird neighbor, someone who is controlling.

The guy needs to put up a thick curtain in his bedroom to block out the light, that's what my ex did and the room be so dark, you wouldn't even guess it was daylight because the room be so dark.

Matt, of course I would want to make sure that people worked with her to reduce situations that triggered her sensitivies. As her mom, I will work with her now to do my best to ensure that she does not act in a way that others may one day view as inappropriate or creepy. I will also work with her now to make sure that if she has sensory sensitivies, she needs to move to housing that is already quiet, not move to an area that has lots of dogs and kids and then try to make everyone change for her. I shudder to think that she might have the bad judgement to stand peering over the fence on a stepladder, staring at people or their kids and insisting that everyone around her be quiet at all times, even in broad daylight on a weekend. Really, the idea of that will keep me up tonight. If she does something that glaringly inappropriate then I will know I have failed her in every possible way. If she does have such severe sensory sensitivies, I would urge her to choose a quiet home in a neighborhood with older people without lots of dogs or children.

But my daughter is still very young. We have lots of time and she can choose to use her brilliant mind to understand social norms of those around her.

If this man has Asperger's, I highly doubt that he has any insight or awareness about it. Aspies I know in my family are aware of having Asperger's, and they know that they are in a situation where they need to know a bit about the way NTs think in order to thrive in work, marriage, school, friendships, anywhere they are with NTs. I realize that I need to know about aspies because I have a handful of wonderful aspies in my life. One of those aspies, my daughter, is one of the loves of my life. So I try to listen and understand, even if it makes no sense to me.

Regarding the dog being a nuisance -- remember that the other neighbors on the other sides of us were not even aware that we had a dog, probably because when they are out in their yards, they are with their own kids and dogs and the last thing on their minds is what we are doing. I am only dimly aware of one of our neighbors having a dog, and I'm not sure whether the neighbors on the other side have a dog. I'm too busy with my own life to stand on a footstool and watch them.

If he doesn't have Asperger's then he is scary. That's what concerns me.
Not as scary as the previous poster's neighbor, but scary.

the sensitivity to light and sound and other traits does indicate aspergers.

if you are able, a suggestion may be planting somthing like miniture bamboo along the fenceline, this will block out sound, light and his staring over the fence. I did this to block my neighbours out.

He seems AS to me, and another thing to consider is that putting your house on the market and moving to get away from this guy isn't the answer and if you do that, you could also be sending the wrong message to your kids that all NTs don't want to be close or have to deal with people who are on the spectrum. Maybe you could try to get to know him better. If it really doesn't work out after a few months, than consider moving. Just because the man's an aspie doesn't mean that he will be a bad influence on your children.

It doesn't matter if he has Asperger's or not. His mental issues are none of your business.

I agree it's not my business. My interest is only in determining if he is just not aware of what's expected socially, and safe, or if he is dangerous.

If he is aspie, I will give him the benefit of the doubt and relax in my relationship with him. If he is not aspie, then I will take a very different approach, and be wary and very concerned.

I don't want to move because he is aspie. I want to move because he keeps poking his head over the fence and watching us from a perch of some kind.