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Eye contact... faking it?

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TenPencePiece
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11 Apr 2011, 8:01 pm

Eye contact doesn't come naturally to me, but once I'm aware I'm making eye contact, I can manage to maintain it most of the time when required.


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ryan93
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11 Apr 2011, 8:04 pm

3.5 seconds is the ideal amount of time for eye contact. Do it once/twice every 30 seconds. 5 seconds is more flirtatious, afaik.


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11 Apr 2011, 8:41 pm

In addition to the tricks already mentioned, I sometimes will let the focus slip. So my eyes are parked in the general direction of the other person's eyes, but my attention is sort of focused elsewhere so I'm not really seeing them.

I know it's weird.


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12 Apr 2011, 3:10 am

ryan93 wrote:
3.5 seconds is the ideal amount of time for eye contact. Do it once/twice every 30 seconds. 5 seconds is more flirtatious, afaik.


Different situations require different amounts. If you're flirting you can hold the gaze indefinitely sometimes, especially if it's an intense "I wanna f*** you" gaze



redwulf25_ci
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12 Apr 2011, 1:58 pm

Moopants wrote:
I was always given into trouble for never making eye contact. I saw a cartoon linked to from here where someone was saying "look at me when I speak to you" and it rang so true to me. I cant concentrate if I have to make eye contact too.

Im hoping to embark on a career where eye contact is crucial (sorry wont say what) and while academically I excelled, I find eye contact near impossible. This could be my downfall at interviews etc.

I dont really know what is normal or natural for aspies when it comes to eye contact. Do your eyes dart around the room looking everywhere but the person you're meant to look at? Are you like me and end up staring at body parts (embarrassingly the crotch more often than not - wish i didnt)? Are you a mouth watcher? Are you a starer? Have I missed anyone out?

Ive tried looking at the bridge of the nose but find that equally as uncomfortable.

Does anyone have any tips on engaging and faking eye contact without being caught?


I tend to aim more at about eyebrow level than bridge of the nose, also when I've needed to be sure an autistic child I was working with was focused on me and not something across the room I would tell them to look at me but gesture at my forehead rather than my eyes. No point making both of us uncomfortable by trying to make eye contact.



redwulf25_ci
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12 Apr 2011, 2:01 pm

Marsian wrote:
I kinda agree actually. I think it is part Aspergers because we get so caught up in things that we don't learn to do it naturally the way most people do. But there definitely is an anxiety element too.


In my opinion it's because throughout the rest of the animal kingdom eye contact has only one meaning, a dominance challenge. As far as I know it's only humans that use eye contact any other way.