God, I love the Internet sometimes.

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And that was pretty much the gist of my reply. I mean, it would be one thing if the mother was upset and blaming herself. But what I got from it was that she was blaming authorities for not understanding his condition and that's why he died.

David was twenty-three, the same age as I was at the time I made the comment. I felt it was ridiculous that a supposed Aspie his age needed any kind of assistance at all when I had the same diagnosis and was taking care of myself from the moment I was kicked out of the nest.



Maybe it seems frigid, but it was honest. And at any rate that was five years ago. This guy had nothing better to do than thumb through the archives of this website and get indignant over comments that were made literally half a decade ago?

Does he think to ask if my opinion has changed, or what made me come to that conclusion? Maybe starting an intelligent dialogue and sharing his views in a slightly coherant manner? Of course not.



And that is why.

There is nothing wrong with honesty but honesty can still be had with kinder words. Putting it out there in this sort of 'heartless' manner invites the arguements and hurts the people its directed at. You are, of course, most welcomed and entitled to your opinion. I'm just suggesting that perhaps your opinion was not based on all the facts. From the article there was no way to tell what challenges this man faced nor can you infer that the mother babied him from the example of a single intervention for the very reason that may have killed her son. Your opinion was based on assumptions, not facts.

It can be entertaining at times.

The interwebz: You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

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Do you feel the same way now? That is, do you still think that every AS person of your age, all else being equal, should be capable of the same things you were at 23?

Do you still think the only way someone could need assistance as an AS adult is if they were "babied" or whatever while growing up?



I've learned that in some situations diplomacy allows for honesty without causing needless pain to others. Like, when someone's friend or family member has died, this is absolutely the worst time to start speaking one's mind without a filter. I have learned this specific lesson through experience.

I just had a meeting with a crazy meth person. Scary

I wouldnt retaliate with people any more nowadays, dont know what they will do to you.

HAH!
The internet can be a good way to learn and expose oneself to ideas sure, but hell, there is a ridiculous amount of idiocy out there. I HATE "netspeak" too, and will instantly refuse to even read the comments of anyone using it.

"If you want to send me a nasty message, please learn to spell so I can read it."

Perfect comeback.

It hurts my brain

I couldn't read it to the end either - I kind of switched off after "ur an absolutely ignorant dickhead." Like some others have already said, for me those Web abbreviations somehow detract from the credibility of the source.......also the first sentence was obviously designed to offend. A more skilful bully would have left the insults till later on in the document, in the hope of initially earning a little respect before smashing you down. Or maybe he just believes in tough love?

It was written in a style that is both annoying and nasty. But the guy does have a point. Failure to thrive away from the parental home despite a shared diagnosis is not proof of babying.

I'm 25 and still can't take care of myself. Good thing I don't have Asperger's and have a whole host of health issues so you don't accuse me of being babied. Some people have different life experience than you and can have more severe symptoms.

You really shouldn't blame someone for the death of another, unless they did actually murder them.

I was hoping for something along the lines of "I wanted information on (X), and found this (surprisingly useful and amazing website about X.)"

So...I shouldn't blame the mother for the death of her son, (which I didn't directly do by the way. I just said she had a hand in it.) but she can blame the "authorities", which is directly implied in the article? Is it just because she's the egg donor that she has the right to blame others, but no one can expect her to have responsibility?

And lets not forget that she's the one casting blame here. Maybe the writer of the article changed things around, I'll allow for that because I can't talk to the mother directly. But I also don't see her coming online and telling me her side of the story.

So I apologize if my reaction to it is that she needs to have a big old piece of the blame cake she's shoving down everyone else's throat. But you're not going to change my opinions on that no matter what sad sob story gets laid at my feet. Sorry.



You've never had jury duty then. I've seen some pretty nasty accusations from a prosecuting attorney and believe me, they don't care about your feelings. They just want to put someone in jail.

So...if I spoke it without a filter I'm heartless? I had a family member die once and while it definitely hurt to lose her, I can also say that it was her own fault for getting into the situation that killed her. I take the blame for my own feelings because a week before she died, she stomped into my aunt's house in the middle of the night with her friends, waking everyone up and being an utter jackass. I feel like crap because the last thoughts I had of her were anger and annoyance. It doesn't take the fault from her for living life in the fastlane, going out to a town where she didn't know anyone, and going into an apartment with someone she didn't know. Her bad choices lead to her situation and no sad sob story is going to change that.

For the record, my current feelings are this: Yes, I recognize that people have different needs. I know there are some Aspies who have job coaches and who need to live in assisted facilities with others.

But I also recognize that no one is ever one hundred percent innocent. And if the mother is crying out for blood so badly than she probably has some skeletons in her closet that she's not too proud of in regards to her son too.

Call me what you will. That's the price I pay for speaking honestly and directly, rather than beating around the bush.

So you do not know what happened, you just want to send some blame back at the mother because she has said that others were responsible? This doesn't seem very evidence-based. I mean, if you had more information about the situation, I could understand it, but it sounds like you don't.



This is a different context. You are not a prosecuting attorney. I generally don't expect people to behave as if they are in a courtroom hurling nasty accusations at people. My sister does behave like that, and much of our family dislikes her when she's doing that because it is unreasonable and irrational, and simply causes strife for no purpose. She certainly doesn't get what she wants out of those interactions.



Did I say I thought you felt anything? I said from my own experience, and by that I mean I spoke my mind honestly without a filter about someone who had just died to one of his friends, and the outcome was, well, not what I intended. I'm not heartless, although what I did was heartless. I did not say anything I wouldn't stand behind, but that was not the right time to do it.

I didn't assign any motivations or emotions to you, I said that it's a bad idea and tried to say (and maybe failed) that I know it's a bad idea because I have done it, and found I didn't get the results I wanted.

As for what happened with your, I'll just have to say I can't agree - the person who chose to kill her is at fault. She didn't choose to get murdered, she chose to go out. She may have missed warning signs, but not seeing something isn't her fault, and not even knowing what to look for wouldn't be her fault. I doubt she chose to have herself killed.

As it turns out I've read (related to my interests) accounts of multiple acts of violence like this, and in every case it comes down to someone else deciding they want to kill another human being, and they behave like predators. They manipulate, lie, and charm their way into getting targets. These people are often (but I won't say always) sociopaths, and they are extremely good with the emotional manipulation. I know that "victim blaming" is a popular pastime, but it's typically not true.



This is illogical. She may be crying out for blood so badly because she is hurt, angry, and upset that her son died in a manner that was completely preventable. Parents tend to get pretty extreme when their children die. She also probably has more information about the situation than detached commenters on the internet.

She may not be 100% innocent, but what she may not be 100% innocent about may have nothing to do with her reaction to what happened to her son. It may have nothing to do with whether she thinks she did an inadequate job of raising him.



I haven't called you anything.

Aside from speaking from your honest reactions, I am not sure you're actually revealing much - if any - of the truth by making accusations because you believe that your accusations are probably true. You elaborated from "The mother is upset and saying that medical professionals caused her son's death" to:

* She raised him so he couldn't manage on his own
* Was probably partially responsible for his death

Where does that come from? What empirical experience informs these conclusions? Is there further information about this situation that you found on the internet that gave you more of a perspective?

Just to be clear, I am not coming to any conclusions about you as a person.

I'm not defending the guy who PM'd you, by the way. He's a jerk for tracking you back to abuse you in your PM box and repost his comment on the post over and over again.