I don't feel anything, but that doesn't mean I don't care.

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proxybear said:

"One of the reason we can relate to movies rather than human interaction itself might be because it's easier to relate to the characters in a movie and create a connection with their feelings than it is with other persons in real life. Thus we get to experience the emotions we could have had if we only understood human interaction better."

This is very interesting. I have always felt much stronger connections to fictional characters than I have to anyone I have known in real life, including my parents. I am trying to think about exactly why this is, and what is different about the way I interact with real people v. the way I "interact" with characters in my mind. It is very difficult to put into words. But it is almost like I get more out of the artificial scenarios I can create in my head than I do out of actual social interaction. In real life, the "connection" is never there, and this is always quite apparent to me. But in my head, I can imagine that a connection might exist, or that the person might understand me, etc...

Back to the main topic.

Logically, I know that death is a scary thing for most people (I myself get a chill down my spine whenever I think about the fact that I am going to die one day). I definitely feel for a person who is dying, because they must be scared, and possibly in pain, etc...but after that person is gone, they are not scared or in pain anymore. Whenever I hear of a death in my family, what I SHOULD do first is spend a moment reflecting on the life of the deceased. But unfortunately, the first thought through my head is usually "my parents are going to be mad at me for the next couple of days, because I won't be able to make myself cry; I had better be careful." If I just knew what that emotional connection felt like, it would make everything so much easier.

I have a very cold, rational view of death. The way I see it, it's going to happen to everyone, so, there is no use worrying about it. It's as natural as eating, breathing and reproducing. When my grandmother died after a few months in the hospital, I didn't felt anything at all. And I couldn't think of anything to say to console my father.

I will only have a reaction when death is completely unexpected (i.e.: a car accident). Instead of sadness, though, it will be only a mildly surprised reaction, like the way people react when they discover that their new neighbour ir a coworker from another department. In other words, almost no reaction.

Also, I'm not afraid of death. In fact, I'm somewhat reckless with my own life. I don't know if my views on death are related to AS or if I'm just a cold-hearted bastard.

I react weirdly to death. Usually, unless it is something I see happen, I am just numb and concerned for others but not really grieving....then some 3-4 years later, I end up squalling when something reminds me of that person or pet. I cry easily to things that dont make other people cry at all or are not even sad, but will not shed a tear for a loved one's death. I just have a mixed wire when it comes to grief. My mom asked," when I die, will you feel relief?"
I said no...but homestly...I have no idea what I will feel...if anything at all. She is chromicly ill and has been for many years, but she also makes life worth living cause she is proabably the only person who really knows me and is more of a sister to me than a mother. I have no idea how I will react when she dies. The uncertanity is unsettling but death does not bother me like it does most people. I am not really afriad to die...and living is alot harder than dying.

I've read that up to 85% of Aspies are affected by Alexithymia. Here is an article discussing THE OVERLAP BETWEEN ALEXITHYMIA AND ASPERGER'S SYNDROME by Michael Fitzgerald and Mark A. Bellgrove:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2092499/

As an empathic black hole and someone who suffers from shallow emotions, my reaction to death is almost comical. When my grandfather - the father of my step-dad - died after many years fighting colon cancer and suffering through dialysis and in the end being bed-ridden, my reaction to receiving the phone call from my Mother was 'Oh. Okay.' Then after a few moments in which she'd started choking up I thought to myself 'Oh, right, I should be crying and upset.'

And so I started crying and seemed to be upset. My 'emotional' reactions are all very much a direct result of logical thought processes, and almost sort of chameleon-like in nature, in that I can only mimic the emotional states of those around me - I can be sad when the people around me are sad, or excited and happy when the people around me are excited and happy, but I can't call up those emotional states outside of those specific situations. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in being so odd, though.

By "physical" emotion do you mean you don't feel it in your body? In my case I never feel emotions "in my body". The only two exceptions are

1) crying -- in this case tears are obviously, physical

2) When something scary SUDDENLY happens I feel something "in my feet" for few seconds

3) I remember one time when I was losing a relationship I felt "cold" throughout my body, but it was only one time

But usually, though, my emotions are only in my mind. And some emotions might be quite stressful. Such as for example in 2006 I was about to be kicked out of school which is the worst thing that can possibly happen to me, since career as a physicist is my life time job. But still the "fear" was in my mind, not in my body.

I was actually assuming others are same way. But there were few times when I was told otherwise. For example, back in 1996 my high school psychologist kept asking me "where in a body" do I feel what I was claiming to feel, and I never knew how to answer. Also, back in 2008 my then-girlfriend was telling me that whenever I upset her, her back physically hurts. In her case, she was quite sickly so I attributed it to that; but she kept telling me others are same way just to lesser extend than her.

So I was wondering, is it an aspie thing not to feel things in a body? I guess it would be a bit surprising since aspies claim to have "sensory issues" which ARE in their body. But in my case I don't have sensory issues either. My Asperger is all psychological.

Everything is in my head pretty much. I didn't feel anything physically when my father died after a long illness but 10 years earlier when he had a sudden heart attack I felt like I had lost my balance, like someone had pulled a rug out from under me. When my son, (who has AS, was very young and not talking), wandered off when I was distracted, I got the mistaken impression that he had been abducted. I felt like there was this big lump of concrete in my stomach and I was hyperventilating and keening.
But really, all this isn't about thoughts on death as a concept. I am selfishly just thinking about never having the opportunity to be with the person again.

Same here. I still have all my grandparents alive, but i've seen death of my neighbours, or i've seen the death of my great grandmother and i felt more guilty because i was unable to fell strong emotions, like deep sadness, criyng etc...

But sometimes it's happen i fell something. For example some days ago my friend confessed to me that her work was doing well. I didn't react much, but i felt glad. It was not a strong feeling but i felt happy because my feelings toward her were genuine.

But i have strong connection with cats. If i see a dead cat or a diyng feline i cry. If someone said to me that his cat has died anyway i don't fell much. When my cat had vaccine-associated sarcoma i tried to avoid to stay with her because i tried to disaffected from her, so if she eventually would dead, i would not suffer much because i would not love her anymore. But she protested. My cat has clearly made understand me that my behaviour toward her was wrong. After her surgery (lumpectomy, since he had the tumor on her scruff) i cried again for two weeks. But luckily she had not recurrence.
Of course i needed time to build a strong 'relatiopnship' with my cat. When i see a little kitten die right after his birth i don't fell so sad.

Thanks. That was really useful.

You're welcome