AS discovered as adult anyone?

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I was in my mid 30s when I started learning about and pursuing AS (I am 45 now). My son has autism- officially PDD-NOS (he is now 19). As I was researching his symptoms when he was about 6-7 years old, I began seeing many of his symptoms in myself (although he is more severe so his are more pronounced and obvious).

To answer the OPs original question, it was somewhat easy to come to terms with it as it logically makes a lot of sense for me. It was a process that has spanned over a decade for me of research and analysis of my current and previous behaviors. However, as only being self-diagnosed, it still opens the question- do I really have Asperger's syndrome or not? This question always lurks in the back of my mind.

I would love to talk to a psychologist to get an assessment and to get some answers to my past and previous behaviors but the cost is very prohibitive. Just to get a basic assessment here in the US, it will cost $1000 to $2000- not including any therapy. Our son can't function on his own but again due to the costs, he has only seen a psychologist twice in his life. I am on a waiting list at two local universities for a psychology assessment but that can take months to get in.

I was diagnosed at age 40 as well...Im now 43. My husband pointed out that I had many traits after our daughter was diagnosed with classic autism. We were both studying to learn all we could about autism. I focused more on the classic autism but my husband started looking at Asperger's as he saw many things that he recognized in me. It only took two visits to the psychiatrist for him to diagnose me. I was also diagnosed by the psychologist who diagnosed my then 6 year old son with Asperger's. She pulled my husband aside and told him that if she did not know that I had already been diagnosed that she was prepared to diagnose me as well just by talking to me about my son.

I was happy at first that I finally knew why I just couldnt make things work they way other people did and why I always felt like I was doing everything wrong. Then a sort of grief process set in. I guess I always thought that if I tried hard enough that I could be like the other people. So I felt like my DX sort of closed the door on that. Now I completely accept myself and Im happy about who I am. I still struggle with things that I wish I didnt have, like my anxiety. I wish that I could explain to people that I dont dislike them when I just dont want to go to a party or a very crowded place. People tend to take my issues personally. I have two friends who understand me, one who has been my friend since high school and has realized that she is also an Aspie and one who just gets me. I am also blessed with my wonderful husband. I appreciate him so much because my first marriage was so horrible and so wrong for me. I did get three beautiful children out of my first marriage....one of my older daughters also has aspergers. Also Im glad that I know because I can help my two younger kids and we have fun together and a deeper understanding. I wish I would have known sooner.

My DX was dropped on me at 47 completely out of the blue. No self-discovery or any warning. I was in grief therapy and in a shrink's office for the very first time in my life. I was completely pissed off about it and still am in some ways. I was pissed at first because it felt so random to me and I would not accept it. After weeks of research I realized that there is no way I could not accept it. Still I fought it and even until recently (it has been 7 months now) tried to get out of it or deny just how affected I am.

Now I am realizing exactly how affected I am and how my whole life has been nothing but me making accommodations for this thing that wants to bring me down. I am still not pleased but am dealing with things better now. I put myself into training to help improve areas of awareness and I am trying to take better care of myself from a medical perspective. I am acknowledging my anxiety as a comorbid condition. I am giving myself more breaks. Ultimately I believe the DX will save my life as I accept that I really cannot do everything I believe I am capable of doing because I do have to work harder than my peers for things. But that will come with more time to absorb and accept. It has been a slow process for me and I suspect will continue to be so.

At work, the DX has actually very much benefited me. I finally understand that the blocks I have struggled with all these years are related to my brain wiring not my attitude. My boss gets it too and between us we are working on a plan to improve me. My coworkers have all readjusted their communication style to my needs and things have overall improved.

It was last year for me. Mostly I'm glad to finally understand pretty much everything about my life, but there are times when I think not knowing was easier simply because I was completely clueless about how I appeared to other people and therefore didn't have as much anxiety (especially on a professional level).

I agree. I really don't know how so many people can afford to regularly see therapists and such. I can't pay for that out of pocket.

I knew nothing about Asperger's Syndrome until about 2005 or so, in my mid 30s. I had heard of autism, but only the kind with language impairments, so had I never looked more closely into autism. I can't even remember how I discovered AS, other than I was looking for something else. All my life, I have been different from other people, and I couldn't figure out why, and couldn't understand why I couldn't change myself. Immediately upon reading about AS, it fit me - and nothing else ever had. Particularly the sensory perception issues and the executive function deficit and the special interests. Looking back, on one hand, I wish I had known what AS was all along and had been able to understand myself better so I would not have wasted so much time in life trying to do things I simply can't do. Life would have been much, much, much easier if I had understood what implications autism had for my life instead of floundering around. On the other hand, knowing this is a biological condition and I can't change it is a huge relief.

Is that because the bulk of research/care etc concentrates on the young? Wonder if that is true in the UK too?

This feeling of guilt over various (usually social) situations that went 'bad' has certainly reduced for me too. One definate positive of realizing I was AS.

Glad things working out better for you.

Is the official diagnosis a good thing? (And if so may I ask why?)

Was it a case of knowing something wasn't right but not what? What did you suspect was the answer before you got the right one?

Damn good and useful reasons.

The idea of thinking/actually being right is something I find fascinating. I'm coming to realise the truth of this myself. Have to say my own nature makes it a damn hard pill to swallow! Still, keep trying.

Essentially I suppose I still am alone as I don't feel ready to tell anyone - except my wife. Still mulling this one over.

I was diagnosed shortly after my highschool years. Back when I was in highschool it wasn't a proper diagnoses.... made life.... hard

There are actually quite a few of us who didn't discover AS until we were adults. Remember, after all, that it wasn't even a diagnosis until 16 years ago. I was 31 when it got into the DSM-IV, and 39 when my sister read the famed article in Newsweek (reprinted from Wired), put the magazine down, looked at our mother, and said, "So that's what's wrong with Jon!"

I then went to a nearby Borders, found a copy of the DSM-IV, and read the entry. It felt like they'd had someone following me and taking notes since I was a child. My wife read it, and said that the entry should be illustrated with my photo. It all seemed to make so much more sense than any other explanations we'd tried...

Self diagnosed at 24 when I first came across the term on the internet as I was in the process of being fired from my first teaching job out of college. Got the official diagnosis last year at 34 after floundering around in the workforce and looking for a career solution.
Was labelled as emotionally disturbed as a child and my parents just thought I was being 'stubborn' and would grow out of it.

I have the story of my life at http://www.myaspergerslifestory.com/

I would have written something similar, this way I can spare some words...

It was shortly before my 38th birthday when I came across the description of Asperger's. Ironically, I was looking for mental conditions regarding my ex and twin sister. Looking deeper into this subject and reading here on WP and on some blogs I gradually realized I have a condition at least very similar to what AS is. To clarify my state I applied for a semi-official diagnosis, which means I have to wait until autumn for a professional evaluation (and I should be very happy that I was taken seriously since here children are still the first and foremost preference).

Pros and cons emerged in my mind regarding this new knowledge about myself, I don't know what will be the net result of them in the long term. I'm certain I would have done different things in my life if I have had this knowledge. For example, I wouldn't have bothered with an MBA degree, I would have gone straight to something linking economics and IT together.

Knowing I can not do things I thought I could before is a tremendous challenge now. At least I had a faith before which I do not have now. I have to work on this whole concept of myself and figure out new ways. Especially motivation and self-esteem.

I think I polluted this site enough with my ranting about relationships and the ways how faint I'm doing it. Forgive me, this is the part of my life I'm most desperate and anxious about. I feel very-very ashamed and rejected.

Last edited by OJani on 07 May 2011, 1:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Strangely enough, this is basically what happened to me.
I was a first year teacher right out of college, and by March of that school year they wanted me out. I ended up staying through June, but was effectively "not asked to return".
Some months later after digesting the whole debacle, I came across AS and all the pieces fit...
They continue to fit a little more every day.

I found out about AS when I was in my twenties. After I found out about AS, I did a lot of research on it and self-diagnosed at first and had my suspicion confirmed later with a professional diagnosis.

I took it very well. It was actually a huge relief for me to find out about it, because it explains so much about me and my life, things that I had always found so confusing and had worried that might be caused by something more serious. It was good to finally understand my problems and find a place like WP where I can feel like I belong and talk to a lot of like-minded people who have similar experiences as I. I was never able to relate to anyone until I found out about AS and got in touch with other aspies.

I haven't told anyone in real life about it yet. A part of me wants to, but a part of me thinks it's probably not a good idea. I want people to understand me better, but unfortunately I think that most people in my life are simply too ignorant about things like these, so I suspect that not much positive would come out of telling them about my AS.

Discovering AS has changed my life a bit, mostly because I now understand my strengths and weaknesses better and know why I'm different from most other people and feel a bit less alone now that I can at least talk to other aspies online. Knowing about AS has been helpful and a relief, but it has not caused any dramatic changes in my life. I'm happy that I know about it though and only wish I had found out about it sooner.

Poor motor skills. I didn't mention this, but should have. When I was in school I did not do well in P.E. (understatement for effect) and my report card said I had "poor motor skills" but I never knew what this meant because no one ever actually explained it to me. The only motor I had ever had any experience with was a Radio Shack hobby motor and I had no other frame of reference. I wondered what P.E. had to do with electronics. Fast forward a couple of decades, and I saw poor motor skills in the AS criteria. So I looked up what it actually meant and finally knew! Another detail where AS fit me in ways nothing else has ever come close.

This is why I say life would have been much different if I had known. I don't exactly know what the school wanted me to do about the "poor motor skills" (they offered no suggestions) but they just gave me a bad grade every time for year after year, 3rd-6th grade.

I did have a kindly man as a P.E. coach in junior high for 7th and 8th grade. I don't think he knew what autism was, but he knew on day one that I was utterly and totally hopeless and gave me passing grades out of mercy and kindness. He had me do little things like take the roll that I could do. I moved for the 9th grade and was back to failing - one coach had the class go to the gym and play basketball. I had never played it before, and everyone else just started playing instantly. I stood there wondering what was going on and what they were doing. This coach asked me if I didn't "like" basketball - I don't remember what I said, but that was one of the most memorably strange days during school.

Some day I'll write a book...