Friendly jibes and insults

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I don't really understand what you mean by that, or how it would work that way.

Well, it is kind of like "club members" having given each other "permission to jab" without retaliation, and then that is part of how they essentially "validate" each other -- think of the street gang with juveniles trying to nurture each other into "manhood" -- and in the presence of "outsiders" who can then only make matters worse for themselves when even innocently or naively trying to "join in" a bit.

Have you ever seen the old movie "Karate Kid"? Within that movie, "Daniel" could only bring trouble upon himself by trying to "fit in" among the "cool" people who played by their own set of "club rules" (including the allowance of an occasional jab at one another).

OK, I think I see what you're saying, even though I haven't watched Karate Kid.

I read a New York Times article about teasing recently that I think said something similar, though it had other things to say about how teasing works too.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/07/magaz ... ing-t.html

From that article:

I disagree with the author's premise there, at least partly, but the fact here among autistic people is our general inability to distinguish mere "teasing" from actual bullying, and to then know how to properly respond in kind.

Good example ... and now the Aspie in me wants to know what is meant (the origin of) "fussy cow"!

I had a pretty major issue with someone that was a result of my attempt at a friendly jibe not being understood. In this case, the other person was someone who definitely has some autistic traits, though not ones that are immediately obvious. And I did not at all realize that at the time. That contributed to the not understanding. But also, and this relates to the "among comrades" thing, I apparently misinterpreted his attitude towards me. I saw him as simply friendly to me, because that's what he showed. But, turned out there was some mixed feelings, a lack of security in the friendship on his part that I wasn't aware of. My friendly jibe (or, attempt at) he saw as an insult. I'm not sure if he ever really understood my saying that, but he did eventually come to understand that I didn't mean it to be hurtful.

I only do it with my friends. I have certain friends that don't do well with that type of humor, so I think about what I'm saying or avoid it totally (it's really hard for me to do that, though).

I call my friends idiots a lot of the time, but we all call eachother that because when something goes bad we're usually all responsible for it in some way

I avoid doing it because I'm not very good at it. I've misjudged what is an acceptable joke and what isn't a few times, but mostly it's just that my delivery is awkward and stiff because I'm not sure exactly how to move my face and change my voice to communicate subtle things like tongue-in-cheek and banter, even though I can usually recognise them in other people.

Neurotypicals value communication, as communication is the foundation for bonding among neurotypicals, and friendly insults encourage retaliation, i.e., communication. It's also like puppies when they play - they may look like they're fighting, but they're really playing with each other. Humans are not that much different, other than their 'friendly fights' are verbal.

But, ummm, yeahhhhh... being pre-existing comrades/friends is key here. If you do it to a stranger on the street or someone else with a similar level of bonding, they'll feel insulted.

Thanks for your answers, guys. It was very interesting!

Hm, interesting comparison. Playfighting is something I did (and, I suppose, understood) when I was a young child.

Sometimes this sort of social interaction can get on my nerves. At work there are these two women who work there who are always arguing, but only in that jokey way, I knew it wasn't real arguing, but it got on my nerves. I felt like saying, ''oh shut up and talk properly!''