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Nordlys
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13 Jun 2011, 12:11 pm

My dad somethimes sais 'act normal' (even when i just add balsamic vinegar in pasta)
In past one of my classmates has said 'aren't you too adult for cartoons and videogames?'
I - 'Why?'
He - 'look at yourself and fell ashamed for your tastes, you have also bad social skills!'

Usually people that say 'grow up' are immature theirselves.


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Joe90
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13 Jun 2011, 12:17 pm

Saying ''grow up'' can just be a figure of speech (sometimes depending on how they say it). I've often thought, ''grow up!'' to people, but they weren't doing anything childish either. I mostly just mean, ''be nice!'' or ''get real!''


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catlover02
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14 Jun 2011, 5:36 pm

What does it mean to be grown up and to be mature for an adult with Asperger's/autism? I do NOT know that it means to be grown up and to be mature for someone on the autism spectrum. I honestly feel like a kid that's in an adult's body because all my peers are way more mature then me. :(



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14 Jun 2011, 5:42 pm

How to act your age when others tell you to act your age:

-Bring up the last time they did something childish and inform them that if you practice what you preach, others will respect you for it.

Watch how they respond. If they do not blow up at you but respond in a calm manner then you applaud them for handling it in a mature fashion. Walk away...go into another room and :lol: so hard that others can hear you.

If they proceed to not get frustrated then in a sense you have learned a lesson on how to handle things maturely.

If they did blow up then ask for a better mentor of so-called maturity because you just aren't getting a positive example.



Last edited by TheygoMew on 14 Jun 2011, 5:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

HoodedShadow
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14 Jun 2011, 5:43 pm

How are you immature exactly?
I don't see "it" from your posts in this thread.
If you say some examples we can "help" you better to "fix" those things.

I don't think its about aspergers/autism though I'm not sure..
On the internet games and forums you see "normal" people acting like kids at ages of 15-50.

I have been very mature (in my opinion) since I was 15 or so. (19 now)
I feel that I'm more mature than most, but that is only opinion, as I don't have (real)friends or friends who I see often, I cannot ask how mature I am so I don't know if I am mature or not.


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kx250rider
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15 Jun 2011, 11:29 am

First, anyone who tells you to "Grow up", is being highly disrespectful of you, and is being judgmental. Who the hell are they to say you're immature, or "should grow up"? I used to have a few people like that in my life, and as soon as I stopped hanging around them, all of a sudden I realized I'm just as mature as anyone else, and they were saying those things due to their own doubts about themselves, and it wasn't about me.

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ezekiel
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15 Jun 2011, 1:30 pm

Indeed, judgementalism, superiority, conformity.

The more I analyze different social situations that have gone wrong, I find self-doubtful people are just defending themselves, protecting inferiorities by spewing conversation-stoppers against my atypical aspects. If they put down my differences, they feel better about themselves?! But, I don't want to do that, too. I must stay out of the gutter. I must respect even the disrepectful.



nick007
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17 Jun 2011, 4:43 am

I have the same problems OP & I spent years of my life trying to be grown up like others wanted me to be & i kept having problems & they kept complaining about me being depressed. I accepted that I can NOT be the grown up they want me to be so I am focusing on being myself instead & I'm a lot happier.


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17 Jun 2011, 5:55 am

I’m in my late forties, it’s taken a long time but I have learnt that when people say grow up, what they mean is “think before you act/speak.”
I used to practice telling people about my hobbies*
As a “learning about normal people and what they want/expect” exercise I would write down what my response would be if a ‘friend ‘ were to ask me, the ‘What have you done over the weekend?’ question.
I write it down and then try and condense that explanation into four hand written lines. (Roughly 60 words)
When asked what I had done over the weekend, instead of starting with an explanation of what time I woke up, and what alarm I’d used, when I had showered, what I wore, what was on the radio, the gritty feeling of the new toothpaste, and the fact there was no milk left for tea, because the milkman’s van (Range master milk float with split windscreen, and paired back wheels) had broken a half stub axle. So I had to have toast with butter and Roses lime marmalade, which had nothing to do with Mary Queens of Scots doctor inventing it because she was unable to eat anything, but comes from the Portuguese word marmelo meaning ‘quince’, from which marmalade was first made.

I’d just tell them I’d gone fishing on the Saturday and caught a couple of chub and saw a king fisher. And Sunday I’d helped bake bread with my dad, and then watched a film on the Television. (Providing that is what I had done of course)

Practice practice and repeat the condensing exercise on paper/or in a blog or journal online, until you do it as a matter of habit. Before moving onto condensing two days worth of happening into 4 spoken sentences in your head

I’d say you are half way there as you noticed that there is a difference between how you behave and how you and others want you to behave.

Before you solve a “problem” you have to admit that there is a “problem”

*(as special interests were called way back then).



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23 Jun 2011, 12:32 pm

I've been told that too in the past, mostly when I was in my 20s. I think in some ways I was grown up and in some ways I wasn't. What I think the not grown up stuff came from was my anger about being denied things in my childhood I thought everyone else, or at least the rest of my family, was allowed to do. Mainly that was just mind my own business and do my own thing, but they'd all interfere and try to force socialization on me and force me into activities I didn't have any interest in or enjoy. When I lived with my parents, I was probably the only person in the world who wanted out of his parents' home and into his own so he could stay in whenever he wanted to.


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Dantac
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23 Jun 2011, 12:54 pm

Jory wrote:
"Act your age" typically means "obey all social rules, no matter how ridiculous."


I agree.

I consider girly girls and women who retain that 'spark' of happiness you display to be very attractive and the coolest people to hang out with.

If they don't like how you are then dump them and move on.... they're the ones who sour their lives up with those social rules. Enjoy yours :)



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03 Apr 2016, 10:41 pm

catlover02 wrote:
I am really immature for my age. I do NOT know how to be mature like everyone else. I am emotionally delayed, socially delayed and developmentally delayed. I honestly feel like I'm a kid that's trapped in an adult's body. :( It makes me really frustrated and upset whenever people tell me to grow up and when people tell me to act my age and not my show size. How can I be mature like everyone else? I live by myself and I take care of my cat, other then that I'm immature. How can I be mature like normal people? Does anyone else here have problems with being immature with their Asperger's/autism? Does anyone tell you to act your age and to grow up? It really frustrates me when people tell me to act my age and to grow up when I do NOT know how to be mature like everyone else! Thanks for the help.


Yes. People on the spectrum, especially aspies, are emotionally 50-75% of their biological age. Known fact. Not everyone, but most.

I'm 28, but I look and act 17.

People tell me to grow up, I tell them to f**k themselves. You should do the same.