Nonverbal: What's it like?

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Yeah. My absolute best attempts at communicative speech, on my best speech days, come out sounding like one word, then a 20-second pause, and then another word, and so forth. Very few people stick around to listen or even seem to understand that this is communicative. It's also totally exhausting and non-sustainable.

On the other hand obviously I do sentences quite well in writing.

I have a friend who's a fair bit better at speech than I am, but only because she's learned to fill those 20-second pauses with lots of echolalic "filler" while she comes up with the next word (and she often gets the words completely wrong, but they don't notice). The horrible thing is that people often interrupt her or assume that she's done, while she's still on the filler and hasn't gotten to the real words yet. Then they wonder why she has a meltdown. Or else they expect her to say something coherent in less than two or three seconds, which is utterly impossible for her.

I've noticed that I can often see the "gears turning" expression on people's faces (be they autistic, Alzheimer's, intellectually disabled, whatever) when they're looking for words. But so often, I see people start talking to someone, ignore the "gears turning" expression, and assume the person has nothing to say, even if the words would come out if they'd just give the person enough time to say them. That's one of the easiest ways to infuriate me, is to do that to someone in front of me. The trouble is that quite often what I get is a patient, condescending explanation that "She has Allllzzzzheeeiimmerrrss," as if that changes the fact that I could tell she was looking for words and was interrupted. (And the fact that if I'm in conversation with whoever she is, and give her enough time, she can "magically" talk, rather than get talked over and for by other people. That is, if nobody interrupts me to tell me that she can't talk.)

I started talking younger than most kids, but I don't talk much. People always complain that I'm too quiet. I think the main reason for it is that I really don't think in words or language - it's pictures, video, as well as general abstract ideas and feelings. A lot of times I'm listening to what's going on around me, taking it in and totally understanding it, thinking my own thoughts about it (thoughts that most people would share verbally, holding up their part of the conversation), but because my thoughts are so visual etc, the idea of saying something out loud with words doesn't even cross my mind. I have to consciously remind myself to talk to people. And when I do talk I have a hard time expressing my thoughts, especially if it's something abstract or complicated or if it's related to emotions and feelings. And sometimes when I want to talk it seems like there's something preventing the physical act from happening, a neurological barrier holding me back. Another thing, I don't do well with social conversation... I do the best with concrete things like facts and information. And I express myself a lot better in writing - I can say so much more than I ever would if I were talking, but even with writing it seems to take a long time and a lot of energy to get my thoughts into words. Communication just isn't the most natural thing for me.

What's it like to be this way? It can be really frustrating, mostly because of other people's perceptions. When you don't talk, they assume it's because either you're a snob or else you don't like them, or maybe that you're mad at them... always some kind of a negative conclusion. It's not that way at all though - I'm not purposely ignoring people, it's just that I don't have that inner drive pushing me to want to communicate like most people do, so half the time I don't even remember to talk. Either that or else I just don't have the energy to get around those neurological glitches to spit my thoughts out in a normal way - the problem is all on my end but other people always seem to assume it's something personal against them.

There are many times I would like to introduce myself to people mainly because I think I have something very important to say but I cannot no matter how hard I try. It is like a jammed gear in my throat and the words will not come out. If fact the more important the topic may be the harder it is to open up and speak.
Occasionally I may get finally open up and rant and rave about one topic but that is not all that often.

Paul

Afraid I'm opposite also as have Nonverbal Learning Disorder which gives me an extreme strength verbally (high verbal IQ - also common in Asperger Syndrome) & nonverbally average skills (average nonverbal IQ) - I think with 'Classical' Kanner-type Autism the reverse is normally the case & speech is delayed to around 4-5 years. I have a difference of 40 points between verbal & nonverbal IQ (Verbal higher) & use language to decipher what makes up 60% of most Neurotypical conversation (nonverbal expressions & gestures).
I have to often talk & talk at length to navigate myself socially (& still I find myself confused & at odds with NTs).

I'm very verbal, as a child i went straight from not speaking to using whole sentances, without the inbetween bit. I'm also very good with words and writing. Maybe hyperlexic, not sure.
When i get onto a topic i'm interested in or have something i want to say i go at it full throttle, i talk very fast and i talk at the other person, not looking for or really wanting their response. My voice can get louder too without me noticing.
However sometimes i can't find the right words at all and will end up saying nothing. I can open my mouth but nothing comes out....i don't know where it goes.
My erratic verbilisation really confuses people. My aunt, when told about my possible AS said, 'But she's so chatty and talkative!'
Which i am with members of my close family because i know what the topics of conversation will be and i know what to say and besides, if i start talking crazy, they wont mind(my family is pretty eccentric) But with strangers or those i meet socially, there's often confusion, i'll be quiet and vague and they'll think i'm stupid, then i'll get into some complex facts and use long words and i'll sound really inteligent.
Little do they know that i'm actually both!! !!

As a kid I rarely spoke, except at home, where they called me motor mouth. But I'd create elaborate conversations in my head, imagining what I'd say if I met so'n'so on the street or whatever.

As I got older (high school) I didn't talk much at home either; I'd get half way thru the day and realize I hadn't said a word, so I'd make a game to see how long I could go w/o having to speak. Often it might be three days or more

In college this started to change. I decided no one really knew anyone else, so we were all on equal footing, so I began to open up.
Now I tach for a living, but it took years of practice to get over my fears & anxieties. I still get nervous when a new class starrts (which at my present job is every month!) but I considerit all training.

I still have trouble when "put on the spot" or asked to express feelings; this drives my husband crazy

I think in pictures a lot. Whatever I hear I imagine.

wow this sounds a lot like me...

only in college, i could go several weeks with no one speaking to me and in turn, me not speaking.

upon entering gradschool, i had to teach. luckily, i started teaching science to secondgraders for an NSF grant.... and i think that changed something in me. i guess i kinda was able to come out of a shell with the kids and am now better at talking "At" people for presentations/other teaching appointments.

but i fantasize about conversations all the time. i can be at a party, imagining what all i would say to people should they talk to me... and i usually wind up spending the whole night staring off into space.

but i do think my social skills come from hearing.... ive always had foreign friends and have had trouble hearing them. so even when i was young, i took to looking at their mouth to figure out what they were saying and i find now, i do this all the time in all social events. it was this quirk (and my general eye contact avoidance) that really hit home with me about AS when I read an article on the subject.

Ted Stevens? Is that you?

I feel much the same. There is a lot of activity inside my head formulating things to say, but it's like the neural tube that carries that information to my mouth can't keep up, clogs completely, or does silly things to the content as it passes through. As a result there are lots of times when what I say isn't what I was thinking (and I don't mean spoonerisms or malapropisms, although those do happen from time to time) and there are other times when I feel like I've simply "forgotten how to speak".

The odd bit is that I was actually an "instant talker" when I was a child. I said almost nothing at all until I was almost three years old and then one day I just opened my mouth and started using complete sentences.