Anyone here ashamed of being autistic?

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You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are. Try embracing the perks instead. And your uncle should really just get a life, and your family should just accept you for who you are.

I have family members who do not believe mental illnesses exist, most of them who say that are alcoholics...lol, but yeah there is nothing to be ashamed of you can't help the way you are born. If you have a job that is something, and do you really want to be a bank manager anyways? If your family wants to be ignorant let them but I would suggest doing what you can not to be bothered by it.

Somedays i'm indifferent to that, other times i'm pretty ashamed, and the fact i find being ashamed of something when it's not your fault is stupid. Now i find the courage to say openly it online. I also took the courage to join into autism group on DA (but only neutral groups, i mean groups that are only for allow people with autism to have their space, not activist groups like AspieAuty)
But i still have difficult to say it openly in place where i use my real name as username (on EFP i've say that only where i name myself Nordlys, not in the forum)

I absolutely hate having autism. Why? I don't dislike myself. I think autism gives me some skills. However, the hard truth is that society hates autistic people. Now, one will say look at all the support groups. No. I am not saying "openly". What I am saying is that this society is a rough, mean, work based, money based society, based upon acquiring. So, the autistic person loses out. Successful people have to be sharp, quick, charming, alert, tough, etc. An autistic person is the lowest of the low in society. We have no value, and that's a fact. I wish I could say differently, but life has told me that people hate "slow, odd people". We are hated, marginalized, and dismissed.

I often say to myself, if I had a previous life, I was a Don Juan who had many friends, and used and hurt people. I can't figure out why this World has treated a person as kind and good-hearted as myself so badly. Many days, I blame reincarnation. I say to my "previous life" - "I hope you had lots of fun!".

Ever since childhood I've had a deep and abiding sense of shame. Every time I broke some social rule I'd get that searing feeling of shame and self-loathing. I wasn't aware enough to spot a faux-pas before hand and thus avert it but I was sure as hell socially intuitive enough to know when I committed a social blunder. The shocked facial expressions, the laughter and mockery - I could read that and I knew that I'd f****d up again. I knew that I was different and strange even before I got the diagnosis and I hated myself.

These days my social skills are remarkably improved. I now know where the line is BEFORE I cross it. And yet I can't even take advantage of them because all those negative experiences have conditioned me to be shy and socially anxious. I want to have fun and have a social life but I can't shake off the shyness and I just end up isolating myself more and more. I'm now aware of my diagnosis and I've read a lot about it and I feel somewhat less ashamed of it but never will I ever be proud of it.

I don't like being how I am. I'm the type of Aspie who is self-aware and self-conscious, yet clueless of how to say and do the right things, as in actions. I'm always standing in the way in shops and buses. I get so agitated all the time due to sensory issues. I have people looking at me all the time, which has now made me afraid to make eye-contact with strangers I pass in the street, so I keep my head down then friends/colleagues/neighbours think I'm unfriendly because I walk straight past them, because of not looking at them (most relatives are used to me). And all this causes major anxieties, which are beginning to stand in the way of getting a job. I just don't like the thought of a new lot of people knowing my awkwardness. I feel so embarrassed of being me, and I find it so hard to look at somebody in the eye and say, ''I have Asperger's Syndrome''. I just cannot do it. I hate it too much. And don't criticise and say I should start liking it, because I've come to terms with it, and I'm sitting here on WP being open about all of my thoughts and feelings, which is a very good thing. But it's different on here, because for one nobody knows me in person, and we're all on this site to share our difficulties, so you all kind of expect the Aspie side of me, and I'm fine with that. But sitting there, looking at an NT in the eye, whom I'm going to be working for - it's a little bit different. Although everywhere says about equality and diversity, NTs don't take any notice of these disability policies. It's obvious that they don't. Once I was in Tesco doing a bit of shopping, and I overheard 2 workers there have a conversation about some of the work not being done properly, and one of them said, ''....that's why we don't want to take people on with learning difficulties or anything like that....'' and the other person agreed, and I couldn't believe it. I thought if that's what I heard 2 Tesco people saying to eachother, then God knows what people think of people with disabilities anywhere else. Yeh, it's OK for them to take on foreigners in retail who can't hardly speak English, but they won't take on an Autistic person who's probably more likely to speak properly than a person who barely understands the language.

So - I said this before and I will say it again - this world (especially Britain with this government we've got) is built for people with piles and piles of confidence, and especially are NT. It is not built for unconfident, timid, slow-minded, anxious, geeky twirps like me. It just is not. I've been unemployed for over 3 years now, and I've done courses, work experiences, volluntary work, and attended countless interviews, and I've still haven't got anywhere fast, and I know it's because of my AS. Other people who's done all this and has been unemployed for a long time just end up getting a part-time job in retail, since those sorts of jobs are quite easy to find, but I can't go into retail, somebody like me! Jesus Christ - social interaction just cannot be taught in me.

Then people wonder why I'm ashamed of my disability.