Reassessed

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I forgot to reply to this too!

Anyway, so much yes to the self-awareness. What I have now is spending way too much time in introspection and therapy and posting here and talking to friends trying to understand what makes my brain different from others, as making that distinction - understanding that other people did not think like me - was really hard for me. In the moment I can still lack a lot of self-awareness.

And my mother was pretty focused on me being flawless and and perfect. When a teacher told her she thought I had a learning disability, she tried to prove that I was too smart to have one (because hey, my hyperlexic vocabulary) and I tested as either gifted or genius, although I do not know the spread of scores. This naturally proved I couldn't have any cognitive impairments, despite everything else being a problem. She was defensive about my development and intelligence often while I was growing up, and still gets defensive about it when I try to talk to her about my history. I did get her to admit that a family friend told her I was probably autistic, but it offended her so much and she wasn't open to the idea.

I can relate to you what you said about the learning disability as well. My parents have completely accepted the autism label (with relief, actually), but when I mentioned that I have some learning challenges, they both immediately disagreed. I don't know if it is considered a learning disability, but I definitely have some difficulties. Although I was hyperlexic (or close to it), and although I was reading novels by age 5, my reading comprehension was/is not the greatest. I am great at reading and at spelling words, but making them coherent sometimes is very difficult. Sometimes I have to reread things several times in order to get it, and sometimes I miss the points entirely and just have to move on. I also do well with basic arithmetic, but more abstract mathematical concepts are extremely difficult for me to comprehend on even a basic level. I have always had a difficult time with word problems, even when they were for basic arithmetic problems that I did well in. I also want to be a scientist; however, I am not smart enough to be one despite having an above average IQ--sometimes I don't feel like I have an above average IQ! Everyone disagrees with me, always giving me the ol' pep-talk, "you can do whatever you put your mind to!" No, I cannot. I cannot grasp abstract scientific concepts. My GPA went from a 4.0 down to a 3.7 in just one semester due to my attempt at trying to switch from the arts to the sciences. I ended up switching back to the arts because I felt I was doing too poorly. Anyway, everyone, even the disability office at school, fails to recognize that I have some serious challenges when it comes to learning some things. The disability counsellor who is supposed to help me get out of university what everyone else does basically said that because my GPA is high (it is back up to a 3.83 after last semester) I will not qualify for any sort of assistance. I don't get it. It is not supposed to be about the grades, is it? Isn't it supposed to be more about the quality of the education received? I can manipulate the English language in the form of an essay to make it look like I know what I am talking about, and then I can get an A as a result. I am still missing out on so much, including what I really want to do in life, because I am not smart enough to do these things yet "too smart" to be taken seriously.

Sorry, went off in a long tangent. My original point, which I will now return to is: I understand how annoying that can be when you know something is amiss but people will not take you seriously, not even those closer to you. It sounds like my parents are likely to become more accepting of these things than your mom, and I really hope she begins to embrace all of this soon because it will be far more of a help to you than her denial is.

She's accepting of Asperger's Syndrome, but she's really not willing to admit to a lot of signs (that she recognizes as signs) in early childhood because, I don't really know why. She hasn't been very apologetic about the fact that she got me so little help as I was growing up and one of her explanations is that she didn't really know that anything was unusual, except a few things in retrospect. I gave her a book to read but she refuses to read it all the way through. She does acknowledge my early sensory defensiveness, my touch sensitivity growing up (I cut tags out of my own clothes), that my interests had unusual focus and intensity (she described one of them - a single game for several years - as my life).

Oh, and accommodations aren't supposed to be about the grades, but about your ability to perform as well as other students. I was able to get a 4.0 gpa in college for two terms in a row, and then I crashed and burned and developed severe panic disorder from trying to sustain that effort into a third. They have to be aware that even if you perform well, you can easily run out of energy based on how much effort it takes just to manage what you're already doing. GPA doesn't show that effort necessarily, even if it's high.

At Babycenter I have heard that women there post posts about their babies saying their first word when really it was just babbling or gibberish. They even say their baby walked when all they did was hold them on the flat surface and their muscle reflex made them take steps. I don't really understand it but I guess they are so anxious for their little ones to reach their mildstones, they delude themselves.

@littlelily613

You are reading ... this perhaps?

Asperger Syndrome [Hardcover]

Some of the random pages sampling talks about HFA, so maybe this was it I thought...

I'm glad you managed to get the diagnosis which fits you best This thread was interesting too because I guess I never quite knew exactly what HFA was being diagnosed with AS and what the difference between the two is.

Yes, this is precisely what I thought too! I told her that I know I do well, but it is not my full potential, and I could do better. Apparently, they want to focus on students that get Ds and Cs, but like you said it shouldn't be about grades. I pay as much money as they do, and I deserve to get the same opportunities to perform as best as soon who has no problems can. The fact that they brushed me off is absolutely ridiculous. Basically they didn't even want to hear my side of things despite the form I had filled out by the first diagnostician. I am getting a new one filled out now to reflect my new diagnosis--but actually the only reason I am filling in a new one (since I do get the private exam room I need already) is because I asked the second psych to use much more detail so they will understand how much of an issue this is for me.

Yes, I do think that is at as well. I also think some want so bad for the kids to be advanced (ie. I was not the first child--I was third-- yet that info was still in my baby book). Parents get excited when there kids show "superiority" by really developing early walking and talking skills that parents are so eager to think that they really are doing things that early.

Yep, that's the one!

I used to think they were basically identical and used the terms interchangeable. I thought HFA were people who qualified for classic autism due to early childhood but who, in adulthood, were indistinguishable from AS. I know now that that is not usually the case. Of course HFA and AS have a lot of similarities as well, which is why they are both on the spectrum, but the differences still exist too.