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Spent formative years being told to be someone else?

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LuckyLeft
Sea Gull
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20 Jul 2011, 2:49 pm

Ai_Ling wrote:
I think this was definitely true for me. My mom told me who I was when I was a kid and heres the problem, I found out for myself that I was very different then she had thought. That confused me by the time I hit 18,19. I saw the type of person my mom had dictated to me exhibited in other people yet I was being treated differently and people werent taking to me like they were taking to those people. It led to so much disappointment and thats why I developed depression because I couldnt live up to that person I was expected to be. Its like, so if Im like them then why are they getting all the friends and Im not?

I think aspies need to be raised with a correct identity. You cant just tell us who we are and expect us to follow it. You have to realize the type of person we are and help us learn how to cope and function keeping in mind who we are as individuals. If you tell us to be someone else, we're either gonna fail trying or gonna turn into complete chameleons without a sense of real identity.

Person I was told to be: shy, sweet, nice, quiet, obedient, polite
Person I am: still shy, opinionated, blunt, somewhat argumentative, a random quirky weirdo

Overlap: shy and socially naive



Wow. This sounds just like me. Except the Person I Am session: I can be argumentative, questioning things, yet I hate conflict :?
And Yes, they're has to be a better way than just some 'Trail and Error' process for us on the ASD for trying to fit in.
I went for years thinking I had 'fit in', and when actuality, I never did. People treated me different from everyone else, and the people who were 'nice' to me, their friends would have nothing to do with me. I don't know if it was because of me being considered "Lame". Not really trusting of anyone now, because how naive I was and still can be too trusting :x



PinkRangerV
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24 Jul 2011, 5:59 pm

Wow. That sounds like it really sucks. *gives big hug to anyone who wants it*

My mom taught me how to fake being NT, but she was pretty supportive of me being weird. So it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Still sucked, but at least my mom was awesome. I love my mom. XD


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fleurdelily
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24 Jul 2011, 6:33 pm

I am an adoptee. I was DEFINITLY told in my formative years to be someone I am not. And aspergers has nothing to do with that, that's just the way it is for adoptees. Strangers buy you and then pretend that you are their child, and guilt trip you/brain wash you - into playing along. The added bonus is, my real identity is kept a secret from me. Locked up in a vault in the state capitol. Yes. The adoption thing messed me up, and that's in addition to the asperger's thing. Thank God I did find my biological relatives, or I may never have put two and two together about the aspergers


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