Do you tell your friends that you're Autistic/Aspie?

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Cornflake
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16 Jul 2011, 4:17 pm

I've told a few, and had to explain in some detail a couple of times but the usual reaction is "meh". Whether that's because they don't really understand or just don't care, I don't know.
Once, like NUJV, I also suggested they read Mark Haddon's book "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" which worked quite well.


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NicoleR
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16 Jul 2011, 7:33 pm

My parents know, my siblings don't because they might make fun of me if they knew. I don't think I'll ever tell them. It creates gaps between us but I guess that's the way it is. I wish I had a better relationship with but :roll:

I told my classmates in sixth class (basically the year before going into high school) because I knew I wouldn't talk to most of them again and they noticed that I fell over a lot. They didn't make fun of me. I was always respected because I was smart and wrote well. I felt relieved to have told someone because it was part of accepting the disability. It made me feel normal. When I told people recently because it came up in a round about way they didn't believe me. They kind of told me that because it wasn't clasic autism that it wasn't real which hurt a little bit.

When I went into high-school I didn't want to tell anyone because it would make me different but because of dyspraxia and (didn't know then) aspergers, I stood out like a sore thumb, so I had to tell them. They were nice about it, I still didn't really have any friends but I had understanding. Eventually I made friends and didn't tell them for a few years that I had dyspraxia because I was afraid of what they might think. I told them and they were okay with it, not much changed. Two out of the group took an interest in it and encouraged me strongly to get involved with everything and not let it hold me back.

Some things didn't change untill I went on a trip climbing a mountain that had marsh land for 60km (over 3 days) with my best friend. There I finally talked about my feelings about the disability and let her help me (considering that I was slipping and slidding all over the mountain I needed a hand. She helped me realise that it was all my head, that she was finding it hard too and it wasn't really just because of my disability I was falling but because it was marshy. She got me to see past the wall I had built around myself i.e. "I'm falling because I'm clumsy and always will look like a fool and it has nothing to do with ground conditions" to "I'm falling because I'm slightly clumsy, need a little help from my friend to get me down from this mountain and the ground is wet and marshy".

What I'm trying to say in a very long winded way is yes you should tell your friends if you feel that they could help you, maybe by simply understanding. It seems from your post "it would make it easier in the long run" that it would be a good thing to do, to tell them because sometimes we make social mistakes and our friends can help us when we make them and help us not make them again. Having a disability doesn't make you weak; I discovered this on the mountain; it gives you the ability to think differently than everyone else and that helps in any situation.



Last edited by NicoleR on 16 Jul 2011, 8:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

keerawa
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16 Jul 2011, 7:44 pm

I usually tell friends/co-workers after we've known each other for a while. I've had almost all positive reactions, apart from one guy who insisted I wasn't AS and shouldn't 'be down on myself" by saying I was. That was ... awkward.



JWS
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16 Jul 2011, 7:50 pm

I've told all my family and friends who might understand it.
Strangely enough, the only one who doesn't really believe it is my mother! :?: :)


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Ashuahhe
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16 Jul 2011, 10:10 pm

A couple of my teachers know, family knows and my boyfriend knows. I only tell people about my aspergers if it's necessary. At the end of uni I'm tempted to tell everyone in my class that I have it as I probably won't see them again



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16 Jul 2011, 11:08 pm

As far as I know, everyone in my family knows, and all my friends know. Like two of my friends have AS and one of them has ADHD. And my other friend is normal, and we have been friends for years.


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Acacia
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16 Jul 2011, 11:23 pm

Friends??
What are those?
I don't mean to sound ridiculous, but I don't have any friends.

I have the random facebook acquaintances that I know from a decade ago in high school, but those aren't friends.
I have immediate family, but I speak to them only a handful of times a year.
I have extended family, but I talk to them even less.

The only people that know about my condition are my psychologist and my father, but dad is deeply in denial because he is an Aspie himself, and can't face that reality at this point in his life.

I'm sure there are people out there who have come into contact with me who've strongly suspected things about me, but none of them know for certain.

I would love to tell people about AS and who I am and all that. I suppose that's why I'm here...


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Iloveshoujoai
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16 Jul 2011, 11:31 pm

My first time ever riding on a public bus, a man came up to me, introduced himself and then proceeded to tell me that he has asperger's syndrome in the next sentence. Everyone wanted to sit with him because he was interesting to talk to, and I didn't mind him being so upfront at all. I couldn't tell him fast enough that I also had it, and we shared our experiences. :)

As for myself. I feel much more comfortable telling people now that I'm an adult. It helps that a lot of people ask me why I hardly ever talk, so that works as an answer. One of my coworkers asked me about stimming and I showed him exactly what I look like flapping my arms, he was fascinated that I would do something like that.



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17 Jul 2011, 3:34 am

I told my 'closest' friends about it about three weeks ago, finally, and was met with disbelief. They told me that I am way too much like them to have it, or they'd have noticed. I went over symptoms with them, and two of them came to realize that they act almost exactly the same as I do, and likely have the same condition. I have told certain members of my family about this as well, but there was always a strange reluctance to tell any friends (and still is - I think I'll keep it from anyone else at this point).



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17 Jul 2011, 3:37 am

Only 3 of my friends know because I am a private person. My mother, on the other hand, likes to tell total strangers pretty much everything about me, including intimate details. It's annoying, especially when I tell her not to, but luckily I will never meet most of the people she tells.



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17 Jul 2011, 7:56 am

Usually it's them telling me :lol:



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17 Jul 2011, 3:08 pm

Tamsin wrote:
Only 3 of my friends know because I am a private person. My mother, on the other hand, likes to tell total strangers pretty much everything about me, including intimate details. It's annoying, especially when I tell her not to, but luckily I will never meet most of the people she tells.


I know what you mean. My aunt does that and it gets on my very lat nerves. :roll: Like I want people I don't know to know that.


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MakaylaTheAspie
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17 Jul 2011, 3:29 pm

YoshiPikachu wrote:
Tamsin wrote:
Only 3 of my friends know because I am a private person. My mother, on the other hand, likes to tell total strangers pretty much everything about me, including intimate details. It's annoying, especially when I tell her not to, but luckily I will never meet most of the people she tells.


I know what you mean. My aunt does that and it gets on my very lat nerves. :roll: Like I want people I don't know to know that.


^^^ This


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USMCnBNSFdude
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17 Jul 2011, 3:29 pm

I'm told by those who do know I have AS that I can pull off as normal, so I don't bother telling anyone unless they ask.

In fact I don't think I've told anyone new I have aspergers for like two years...


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17 Jul 2011, 4:22 pm

I used to be more vocal about it but now I decided to keep more quiet about it. I'll only tell friends if I already know they accept me without knowing as a way to better understand me. A person knowing is not gonna raise their chances of truly accepting me. It just causes them to be sympathetic. Right now, most of my friends know. The 1s that dont, I wouldnt be surprised if someone else told them by now.

I used to have a friend who knew and I did something stupid, she freaked and she unfriended me. And I was supposedly being insensitive, but how can I be insensitive if I dont know that was wrong? Part of me not knowing was cause of the aspergers. Guess what, her sister has the same condition. You know I bet she already knew and she was just being overly sympathetic so she decided to be friends with me and put up with me until I drove her nuts. Then I was friends with another girl who pitied me like crazy. Well I lost the 2 of them as friends at the same time. For me the lesson more is, stay away from conservative overly sympathetic girls. Moreso then dont tell everyone Im aspie. But I but I think my policy of letting people know only after I know they've accepted me is more appropriete then before.



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17 Jul 2011, 4:30 pm

It depends on the person and situation for me. If I'm dating someone, I usually tell them straight away. I've also begun telling more friends over time. Some are puzzled because they're familiar with the severe cases of AS, and don't see that in me. When I start pointing out all the symptoms and difficulties I've had, they start to see it and then say "You hide it well." And to that I say, with a smile, "Thanks, I've been working on it for more than 10 effing years!"