What have your friendships been like?

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I only ever have one real friend at a time. That person is pretty much the only one I will actually initiate things with. They are also pretty much the only person that gives me a social life by inviting me to parties and such (and I probably only take the invitation about half the time). All of my 'real friends' seem to stick around 4-5 years or so then we drift apart... don't know why.

Currently my one real friend just moved very far away so now I basically have no social life again. So far we have at least kept in touch online but now I don't have anyone to hang out with in person.

Childhood friendships were kind of a one-way deal... where I hung around with other nerdy/outcast types thinking that I was their friend. They tolerated me well enough, but were not my "friends" beyond the school day. In high school, all of that dropped away, and I became a total loner. "Friends" for me at that point were the kids who I could get drugs from so that I could self-medicate. After high school I lost just about all social contacts, moved out on my own and sank into virtual total isolation. I attended college, but did not associate with anyone outside the classroom. I lived totally alone, without so much as an acquaintance for about two years.

Now as an adult, and in a very different life situation, I still have no friends.
I have a steady job, and co-workers are polite to me, but keep their distance and do not pursue friendship. And I suppose my approach is the same. I guess it would be nice to have friends, but I don't try and make any. Most people seem to avoid me.

So I can't really speak on the nature of my friendships. I don't seem to have the "hardware" for creating and maintaining human relationships, and as such, I find myself more or less content with none.

I never set out to make friends they just happen. I usually say or do something funny and they start hanging around me. My friend Don was the longest friendship I met him in kindergarten back in 1975. I remember when he and I first met kids were telling him to not to talk to me so he gave me one of his animal crackers. He ended up in special education classes with me I guess weird people stick together. When we were taken out of the classes in 1985 he ended up in all the regular classes with me too. He went into the army for four years when he came back home we started off hanging out together again watching horror and sci-fi films. We were pretty close but for the past three years we have grown apart he has a girlfriend and a really cute kid now. I see him on facebook now and again and that is about it. I would loose a lot a friends due to their girlfriends not liking me. I would usually would say something my friend would find hilarious but their girlfriend would find disgusting or offensive in someway. Others would get bored with my weirdness and retreat back to their boring predictable friends.

When I was younger my parents made me play with their friend's kids who were all around my brother and I's ages. I remember a couple of times I would be playing in my living room with my Star Wars action figures and one of the kids I was forced to play with would put his face to the screen to ask me if I wanted to play football. Of course I would say no, but they would start to scream my mother's name so they could tell her to make me come out to play. My mom would shove me out the door and off I went to play football, hockey, and army. It sucked I hated being touched and every game everyone was tackling everyone or screaming at oneanother. Then I discovered Dungeons & Dragons if it was not for this game I never would have come out of my shell. I had forced me to seek out other people to play the game. I also played as the dungeonmaster controlling the game I had to talk in front of everyone. People flocked to the games I ran because they were not cliche or boring.

I have a few friends that I've known for a long time that I would say are true friends that I can talk to about anything and rely on for anything, and if they needed help I would do whatever I could to help. When I saw this topic I immediately thought of my best friend. She and I do so much together and we're both pretty clingy, to the point where we've both openly agreed that it's kind of pathetic She's NT surprisingly, but she's just so laid back and really goes with the flow of things. There's been times she comes over my apartment to hang out and bring her laptop and we'll literally sit on the computers for hours with headphones in, which we could have been doing regardless. She's the most understanding person I've ever met (outside family) and has been there for every important moment of my life I support her no matter what, and vice versa. I think what makes us great friends is her ability to listen and really empathize with/understand people which almost counters my complete lack of understanding, empathy, and sometimes my complete disregard for listening to other people talk.

I always have this constant cycle of having friends, then not having friends. It's always been this way for me. I make friends, we drift apart, make new friends drift apart again. The cycle never ends. I have a hard time making deep rooted relationships with people. The bonds I share with people tend to be only about our interests. I have a hard time letting people "get inside my head". Having deep, meaningful conversations. I also have a hard time articulating the thoughts in my head. My thought process when I speak is usually jumbled.

I tended to be very controlling in my few childhood friendships. I decide what we do together, I decide what games we play, and heaven forbid you invite somebody else over because I can't be with two people at a time and you should be MY friend, not somebody else's.

I didnt have any friends until I was 18. Senior yr of HS, I had anywhere between 4 and 7 friends depending on where you draw the friendship line. I graduated and lost contact with all of them after a yr, later adding them on fb and having very occasional contact. Then I went to college, for my fresh/soph yr I had anywhere from 3-6 friends depending on the circumstances. Only 1 close friend who I considered a bff for 2.5 yrs. Then into junior yr that group fell apart, i lost my bff and I made 2 friends with a couple of girls in my hall. Made a ton of short lived online friendships, only a few ended up sticking around. Then I worked hard to rebuild a social life senior yr, where I had 8 real life friends along with the online friends who stuck around. Now I just graduated and I keep contact with 1/2 of my real life friends and talk to my online friends. A couple online friends became real life friends. The longest friendship ive ever had was 2.5 yrs. Right now my 2 longest running friendships are 2 yrs. Right now Im really hoping to keep my friends and not do anything stupid to lose them. All of the friends I have constant contact with now have more or less accepted me as a person so as long as I dont lose it, things should be fine. Consists of 4 real life friends, 2 online become real life friends, and 2 strictly online friends. When it comes to more solid friendships, I find guys make better friends for me cause they dont sweat the small stuff.

Not meeting outside of school except on very rare occasions. The first friend I had over and invited over myself was my friend who was here as an exchange student from Japan, and this was last school year (freshman year in high school.) She has since become my best friend, though she now returned to living half way across the world. I wish she was still here.
Other than her, the first sentence applies.
I remember reading in some paper shortly after my diagnosis five or so years ago that my teachers regarded my friendships as "manipulative" on my part, but I can't really remember anything else they said. Plus, it isn't true now; I have more "tact" when speaking and more of a "filter." It's hard to describe how my views have changed; they just have.

But, yeah. I don't really do anything with "friends" outside of school. I want to sometimes, but I am usually fine.

This sounds very familiar, I was very controlling also with the few childhood friends I had, things had to go my way or I would get very upset.
I remember upsetting one friend with something I said, and she sprayed perfume in my eyes as a response.
I also remember approaching groups of girls sat around during breaktime, outside, and trying to join in and talk and they totally rejected me.
I did something wrong, and I cannot remember what as it was so long ago.
My parents, of course, didn't see this, they just saw that I had people home to play sometimes, and saw I was controlling and bossy, but did not see how the other kids responded to me when they were not there.

I've been overly clingy in my friendships too. I tend to lean on friends, hoping they can navigate me through the slough of human interactions.

Another adjective I'd use is "sweaty." I perspire more around them probably due to nerves.

You are wise beyond your age. Please keep this attitude up, it will bring you far in life.

As for me and my friendships... Well, I suppose it's as complicated and as messed up as some of you guys' stories, but I'll be short about it. When I was in school, I always had a couple of classmates I got along with famously, yet I NEVER invited them home, because I just never felt comfortable enough to let them that close. Nor did I ever visit them, but they thought that was okay. It didn't ever put a strain on our relationship. In those days, I never referred to them as 'friends', either. Just classmates. It was only in secondary school that I started using the term. I just thought it was an inappropriate word for someone you'd only meet at school and never outside of it. As a child, I did have 2 friends, who lived in the neighbourhood. Back in those days, I was abnormally self-centered, yet I sometimes quite enjoyed having a playmate or two.

Recent years, I have had dramatically few friendships. Since moving to Amsterdam, I initially made zero friends; only early this year I met with someone I now occasionally hang out with. So I consider that a blessing. However, I remain apprehensive in this friendship, probably because it's been so long since I've interacted with someone on such a close social level, and I'm careful not to get to clingy or demanding, as some of you guys describe in your posts as well.

Having just graduated from Uni, I can say that I have some friends, but I can count the number of genuine, lasting friendships on one hand. There are probably no more than 3 people who I'll keep in contact with, several years from now. But I'm not gonna complain, because when I started Uni, I never thought I'd make any friends at all. So even having one friend is a bonus, imo

On top of that, I have a couple of tricky, difficult friendships. We get on each other's nerves *a lot* when we spend a lot of time with each other, and there have been a lot of misunderstandings and fallings out, mainly because we expect too much from each other. But again, I guess a tricky friendship is better than no friendship.

Most people tend to give up on me after a month or two. There seems to be a barrier of me feeling comfortable around someone and their willingness to understand how I function best so I have very few actual friends. I definitely agree with the 'I have one or two friends I cling to' sentiment. I've done that all my life. I feel lost going out without people like that. However, I can only be that invested in a few people at a time because I feel VERY strongly about those people. It's rare for me to become close friends with people, but when I do it's an extremely strong feeling similar to romantic love (without the physical bits). I have other friends, too, but I don't feel as interested in them; I do enjoy talking to them if our conversations/activities are spread out far enough, though.

I guess I should also mention that most of my friends are online. It's my preferred method of communication and none of my local friends really use it, so I find great difficulty connecting with them. About two years ago I had a somewhat regular social life, but that was only because it had a regular focus of activity; we met up weekly for Dungeons and Dragons. That fell apart after about six months due to social *drama*. Can't say I really miss it.

As a kid, I often sat at recess alone waiting for it to be over. I had some friendships, but I have to wonder how many were one-sided or manipulative (on their end). I think some of the kids simply tolerated me because they pitied me. Sometimes I still feel like people do that. :(

Compared to the average teenager, I don't have so many friends - but compared to the average autistic, I do, I guess.

I have the typical 'come and go' friends, that I'm friends with simply for convenience and fun and because it's a social group yadda yadda yadda.

Then I have actual close friends who've been that way for a while, who I love dearly, have deep conversations with, have fun and do completely geeky weird stuff together.

Then there are those inbetween-friends who I don't know what the heck they are - I care for them and have a lot of fun one-to-one hanging out etc, but I don't neccessarily love or have deep conversations with them, or vice versa.

I try not to categorise people as 'friends' or 'not friends'. Doing so confuses me. I try to just view everyone as 'people', and if I like or love them, then cool, they are a person I like or love.

Up until a couple of months ago... all shallow. At least on my end. I've had some call me a good friend they could tell anything to, but I never felt much of a connection to them beyond a mild affection. You know, like one would a building they always pass on their way to work?

Most friends came and went, and quite often I was left either confused over their departure or indifference.

It's funny, I was telling someone not too long ago that I often felt like a jigsaw puzzle people enjoyed figuring out then left on a shelf to gather dust. What I didn't say is I also got the impression many gave up on putting me together and tossed me in a metaphorical trash bin.

Have to say, that's a great attitude too! Even if that last paragraph's the opposite of what Yumisekai wrote.

Wow, then what changed for you in recent months? It's a pretty cool development that you've now found a friend you've more than 'shallow' feelings for.