I am done, I am spent.

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DerStadtschutz
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17 Sep 2011, 11:17 pm

Sparhawke wrote:

I have been trying forever to fit in, I have spent years adapting to the rules of society and trying to act normal and a couple of days ago tried to explain what is going on it my head and got attacked for it from all sides.

I am beleaguered, I am tired and I am spent of energy.

I have nothing left, but I do not ever quit...for me to quit is to basically tie a noose around my head and let it all go.

How do you other find the strength and will to carry on?

I wish there was some wand I could wave to allow me to understand the world I have been shoved into, I have been trying to understand it for so long and everyday takes a little bit more...lately I just have not been able to deal with the judgement of others...my mum has basically ignored it, my brother has all but disowned me; instead speaking through her for the simplest of things, my so-called best friend has called me a leech for trying to find a scam while she works since the age of fourteen...like anything she says has any impact on what I do lol

I am done, I am spent...I just want to crawl under the covers and go to sleep, maybe tomorrow will be a better day?

I do not quit, I change and adapt and evolve but I just do not see any way forward. What would you do if faced with a town that just did not want you?

I stopped caring about fitting in a LOOOONG time ago... In fact, I'm not really even totally sure I ever tried to fit in. I never specifically sought to be different just for the sake of being different, but i never sought to be part of the crowd either. If I get along with the crowd, great, but if not, then so be it.

I've just learned to keep my mouth shut a lot more. The more I talk, the more weird looks and misconceptions come my way. I think honestly if you keep trying to fit in, you're just going to further exhaust yourself. Just be who you are and fit in with the people who actually understand you. You'll feel a lot better that way than you will constantly pretending to be someone you're not for the sake of fitting in.

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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17 Sep 2011, 11:47 pm

Sparhawke wrote:

I live in a town like that. I am friendly when people are friendly. I spend a lot of time ignoring them. I also dream of distant places I wish I lived. Is there any way you can move to another town? I know one day that's what I will do. It's just a matter of when.

Until then, I will just go in my house and shut the door. It is the symbolic shutting out of all chaos.

stme
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19 Sep 2011, 5:03 pm

We all want to be liked and loved. It seems everybody wants to be famous and a to be star. However, there are some people that have all the fame and friends, but they never asked for it or planned it, but those people are rare. It's hard having AS because as humans we're all social animals. It's just innate within us to want to leave something behind and everlasting, but nothing lasts anyway. As humans it's very very difficult for us to just let it be, and live in the moment, and soak it all up. Instead we're constantly trying to grasp onto people and things. But, while we're grasping and clinging to people, and objects, and trying to be accepted, and trying to leave a mark, and trying to find happiness, everything is changing, withdrawing, and manifesting into new forms. And we just can't let it be, we just can't accept it. Instead we just have to crawl, fight, and struggle inch by inch to bliss and happiness.

Crow_T_Robot
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19 Sep 2011, 7:09 pm

It's so hard to comfort someone else when you realize that everything you try to say -true as it may be- is something that someone said to you when you were down, and at the time it sounded like utter drivel.

So I'll just say this: It gets easier. I promise. I'm not going to say I never have bad days, or feel like life is pointless, but I will say that as I get older the good days keep getting more frequent and the bad days keep getting less bad.

And if your town doesn't want you, screw them. My town doesn't want me, but that's fine; I'd feel worse if they did, because that'd mean I was an inbreed whose greatest goal in life was to get married and produce offspring, preferably with my first cousin. Someday I'll get my finances in order and find a place where I fit, but for now I'm happy being the crazy hermit who lugs an antique Polaroid camera everywhere I go. Every village needs an eccentric.

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There's a party in my head
And no one is invited

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