"Shallow" vs. "deep" gender roles

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I don't think gender matters a whole lot. Either way, we all have to put up with a whole load of crap.

Well what you need is a new-ager with a sexual addiction. jk. but really...such a woman might be easier to find in feminist/new-age circles.

I am a woman, and I'll try to explain why I'd take offense to being a starter. If a man dated me as practice, I'd feel like I was being treated as an educational tool, a way for him to learn, rather than as a person. I prefer a guy who takes me seriously enough to date me seriously and think about me as a potential partner. I need to feel trusted and respected in order to feel loved, and I don't think I could feel like that if a guy just thought of me as a starter. I will admit I have low self-esteem, although I don't feel like that's relevant to my opinion on this topic. I think it's more an issue of pride than anything else.

I think being Aspie female is harder, because of the pressure we get, especially as young females. If we don't have that hairstyle that all the girls have these days, people just know you are unconfident just by looking at you. It's true. I know that if I changed my hairstyle, I would be more socially accepted and people would stop staring at me in the street. I know it because I tried it before, but found the maintainence was too much for me, so I let it grow back to a standard hairstyle again. And until then, people began staring at me again.

I just think that men (any men) just don't look as awkward in certain situations as what women can do. It seems that every girl I see in the street, in restaurants, or on buses, are always seen staring at a mobile phone if she is on her own, as though they know how awkward they look just standing there and so feel the need to get out a mobile, and then they look ''cool''. I've tried it. I was waiting for someone, and felt awkward just standing there, so I got out my mobile and pretended to text or something, and I discovered nobody was looking at me any more and I didn't feel so awkward. But I often see men pacing up and down when waiting for somebody, and they also can get away with having an odd posture too. I see men walking on the bus in that cocky way, actually swaying their body from side to side as if they are about to head for a fight. Also men can just walk gently and still get away with it. If a woman was caught walking in that cocky way, everybody would look.

And when you get those types of men who are those winos who don't have a life other than sitting on a park bench drinking and talking to themselves in a slur (I've seen lots of men like this about), but if a woman was doing this, they would be named and shamed and giggled at, whereas these men are unnoticed.

But as they say, it's a man's world.

This is one of my biggest problems, too.

I don't know what useful information could I offer here. I used to be short-sighted in that women have the huge advantage of getting dates and relationships much easier. This is obviously unfair with women, I didn't consider other adversities. Perhaps making friendships is easier for men, I don't know. My friendships were mostly shallow, hardly more than having one or two pals at a time with whom I could play, later hang out. My best "friend" was my cousin in my entire childhood. Since we could spend only a limited time together, it was probably not a real friendship, although I felt that way then. I have my only "real" friend since I was 26. I have a couple of other friends whom I don't consider being close to me (Well, maybe one, the HFA, but he just can't relate to people the way a real friendship works).

I think being in a relationship is more a desired state for men than for women, and it has not much to do with gender roles, it's rather a difference in thinking. Let's just say, status and sexual drive are parts of this puzzle.

I'd say being a "starter" in a relationship isn't an advantage. Starters usually feel more intensely bond to their partners by their emotions. Being as one makes it much easier for the more experienced to exploit or ill-treat their "loved one". It leads to this:



Well, I would appreciate a woman who could be honest and gentle with me at the same time. A woman, who considers my sexual needs and idiosyncrasy, besides tolerating my unusual nerdiness. And I could come up with lots of further expectations, good-hearted being among the firsts, but honestly, in my age it's already very difficult to find someone. Very few women are free who actually worth making the effort for (no offense intended). Most of them would reject me for being who I am. And yes, I can be blamed for "not trying hard enough before" just as well as I used to think girls have it easier. It's just not fair.

Very true!