Amazing how nobody likes you, even if you're attractive

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I remember you and some of your posts. Your downfall is not being eccentric, it's that you are disturbing and even I wouldn't want to hang around you. You have to learn to crawl before you can run man, get some serious therapy and learn how to handle basic platonic interaction with people first because you will never have a relationship the way you are going about it now!

I have similar problem too in my life. People are attracted to me but after the first date it goes down hill and I am left wondering what went wrong. People are just too conventional and afraid of taking on something different.

I am sorry, but I also disagree with you. The women who like you because you don't play games are, how shall I put this, on the not so physically attractive side. You can call me shallow if you like, but I keep myself in shape and would expect the same out of any woman I go out with.

AS may not completely rule out a hookup or relationship, but it will greatly reduce your chances of either. To say otherwise is fantasy land talk. Please don't be one of those people who spout "women love all types of men!"...no, they do not. They are pretty predictable in that they like a certain type of man. And that man is usually a braggart douchebag.

Unfortunately as a person with AS I'm very kind, humble, and good person, thus NOT a douchebag thus NOT what women want. Well, I can be douchy, but just not in the right way to attract women lol.

Also, you say low self-esteem and not AS is the problem. Do you not realize the 2 go hand in hand? So yeh, AS kind of is the problem. There have been times in my life where I really decided to love who I am, and embrace it. And people still rejected me left and right.

People not accepting has caused my low self esteem, not vice versa. My low self esteem didn't exactly come from the wind. It has come from a life of being rejected, in large part, because of my AS.

Well, what can one do right? It's the hand I was dealt.

Last edited by johnnydangerous on 07 Aug 2011, 1:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

A lot of the time, I think NT's are really concerned too about their "cool" image. So often I get the impression that a woman may like me a lot, but when she's with me and her "cool friends" she acts completely different. Then her interest in me fades because she has to maintain her "cool status" and I don't fit in, or might damage that image of her.

"Keeping up appearences" is what they call it I believe. It's sad how NT's never outgrow the High School phase of their lives. It's like they never grow up. I know so many NT women in their 30's and 40's who act like they are in High School, socially speaking. It's pathetic, actually.

You are lucky you are good looking so at least get looked at, try being weird and ugly and then you will see how the other half live.

People are as*holes at all ages and they never grow out of it, did you really expect anything more?

The social rules for centuries has said that a girl is locked up in the tower and a shining knight on a pale horse will rescue her (I do not know the equivilent male fairy tale but I am sure it is just as ridiculous), these days we are surrounded by Brad Pitt and footballers and other celebrities with no grip on reality and is it any wonder everyone has so many expectations that are completely out of whack with reality?

Now, I am not going to say I do not appreciate a good looking woman, but that is not all I look for...I like to see a spark, some hint of genius or eccentricity that shows a girl has something more going on between her ears than the latest fluffy slippers by hello kitty.

Society these days is far less about who you are, but what others perceive you to be and since 99% of people do not have a clue how to actually open their eyes is it any wonder everyone is trying to "look better" than the next person, even if that means throwing s**t at everyone else?

Hahahahaha I love it! Thanks for the laugh. 'fluffy slippers' haha

The kind of people you are attracted to is very, very individual. I am not particularly attracted to the vast majority of people I know. One of my best friends is a veteran and I would so date him if he wasn't married. The fact that he's been in combat is extremely attractive to me. I have other single guy friends who are soldiers, but I'm not attracted to them. I don't know why.

There are guys I like, but don't like me back. There are guys that like me, but I don't like them back. It's complicated. Someday two people will match.

Most relationships are dramatic and stressful these days. I'd rather not go into it. I just earned myself a drama free life (sort of), and I want to keep it that way.

I don't think Tom Cruise is that attractive though I did like him in War of The Worlds. What I don't understand is why people go gaga over dudes like Tom Cruise and say he's so hot and good looking and handsome. I think he's plain, but that's just my opinion. He's all about hype. So many dudes who kinda look like that think they are God gifts to the world in the looks department so they think Tom Cruise is far greater looking than he is. It's an identification issue.

You have to play the hand you are dealt though .If you are trying to meet women in a normal NT kind of way it just isn't going to work .If you have an awareness of your limitations I think you can work around them. AS will greatly reduce your chances of finding a relationship if you are trying to go about it the way most of the population does .

And you'd suggest "working around it" how...?

Funnily enough the only way I have ever been successful with women is when I make a joke of the whole dating thing, such as sitting at a bar and whispering to the girl next to me that "now we're here we are now expected to at least make small talk, is there a chance I can have your phone number so I can do it later?"

The trouble is, Once I have made initial contact I have no clue what to do next lol

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJJW7EF5aVk[/youtube]

The answer is to simply give up on (NT) women, knowing what they're all about. Even the so-called "not so good looking" ones have standards and are repelled by quirkiness or anything against the norm. And like someone said, I don't want someone who is judging me for being awkward.

There's also that saying, 10 percent of men get 90 percent of women. "So how do people get married and have kids?" you might be wondering. Most guys jump on (literally and figuratively) the first woman that shows the slightest hint of interest in them and get married to them and have kids with them.

The problem with Aspies is, we usually don't have social lives and get in the position to meet that one woman that doesn't think we're disgusting.

Just keep looking.

I am amazed at how easily NTs drift into relationships, when for me it's a constant battle. I offer the world and treat them as goddesses, but if I stop struggling for even a day they immediately drift toward someone who doesn't care. Some guy in a pub who is just the same species and I am not.

It's not always low self esteem either. I have tremendously high self esteem. But as the URL says, we're on the wrong planet.

It's not just our quirkiness. It's our obsessions. I don't have any obvious weirdness, I am positive and polite and humble and don't expect anything, but I do have a purpose to my life, and that makes people back away.

It doesn't matter if the obsession is good. My whole life I've been obsessed with solving world poverty. I'm serious about it, I have a plan. Sometimes I meet women who also seem to care. they cry about starving children, they read books about the environment, they get angry at politicians. But start talking about actually fixing it, and they realize you are Not Like Other People. They like talking about it, but it's a social thing. With NTs everything is a social thing. They have interests in order to make connections, that's all. If you actually take a topic seriously they realise you are Not One Of Them. They cool off, back away, you find you're the one contacting them, and then they're not home so often... and then it's over.

Relationships are about similarities and shared goals, and aspies are different. Yes, it can happen, but the odds are against us.

Last edited by trappedinhell on 07 Aug 2011, 5:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Those are some words of wisdom. It's so true.