hiding away at family gatherings

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Family gatherings... Hmmm... I used to just find somewhere that was quiet and out of the way if I felt burnt out in any way. My nan's house is quite big, and everyone seemed to congregate in the lounge/kitchen/garden area, so I'd settle for the solitude of upstairs. At other relatives'/friends' houses, I would usually sit at the top of the stairs or something. Sometimes I would "hide" in the toilet, and/or cousins' rooms (With their express permission of course).

At gatherings of this type now, I twiddle a guitar pick between the fingers on my right hand, kind of like a comfort blanket. If I use this, it makes me feel more comfortable, confident and sociable.

That's my input

I did this all the time when I was younger and still to some extent now (though I tend to just skip family gatherings altogether). As a kid I would try to socialize for as long as I could until I got burnt out, then I would go hide up in my room.

I think the idea of taking breaks is a good suggestion! I have never really thought about it like that before. Perhaps you could try spending 10-15 minutes socializing followed by a 10-15 minute break, at least to me that seems like it could greatly reduce social fatigue.

At family gatherings and parties I always try to find a place away from the main action where there will be less people and I can have more one-on-one or small group conversations, it is much less overwhelming that way. As people shift from one room to another I always try to find the room where there is less activity going on.

This is true of me. As a kid, when my mom or dad would make me to come out of my room and join everyone I always felt sort of ashamed and scared going back to the social setting. I feel a little less like that now, but I think it is because I found other ways (described above) of avoiding getting completely burnt-out at social gatherings.

I am skipping an actual wedding this week for reasons similar to those you described.

I hate family gatherings. It's okay. Don't feel bad. Make sure everyone down there knows that you love them, and just be where you want to be. Some people like to mill about and update everyone on how they're doing for an ungodly amount of time. Others don't. I assume the former group of people don't know about facebook yet.

If you want to be down there, work on it. Talk with a therapist about it. Practice, and do better next year. Don't waste any time feeling lousy for ignoring your loved ones. Accept that you're not the type of person who wants to be in a big group of people. Your family loves you and will accept you too.

Always try and you can't fail.

Unless you burst into tears at the punchbowl. You should probably extricate yourself from the situation at some point before that one.

I agree with this.

I cant stand most events of that sort myself. I dont get overwhelmed, persay.... I tend to prefer the chaos of large events (like conventions) over the sheer tedium of sitting in this accursed chair all the time, but.... I tend to have like, no shared interests with most of the family, so I tend to be quiet/bored at such gatherings.

But they all know how I am and why this happens, so nobody takes it badly.

If someone appears to have a problem with it, just sit down with them and explain, very directly, why you're having issues.

My brother does that all the time and we pretty much expect that now. To be honest I'd love to hide, too, but I usually can't. I'm usually the hostess and cook. (Usually being bullied into doing those.) I can't wait for the day when I won't need to live up to other people's expectations. I don't know when that'll happen and why I expect that, but I do hope some day I'll be free to be myself and not need to give in to pressures and expectations any more.

We would just go out on the canal bank behind the in-laws house and smoke a joint. Felt better after that...