Does it *hurt* you to look at people? (eye contact)

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It doesn't hurt me or keep me from focusing,
it just feels weird.

I think I have an unusual approach to social situations. Unless I felt particularly threatened, like where I knew I'd get picked on, I tended to take an overly aggressive approach to socializing. I think until I got it mostly under control with feedback, people probably found me kind of obnoxious and over-bearing. I'm a social sniper now. I have a plan of attack for talking to someone. I know what I want to say, I look them in the eye for a measured amount of time, and then I clam up because I don't have plans after that.

I heard or read somewhere that people think you're lying if you don't look them in the eye. I was particularly concious of it for job interviews. I was also accused several times of being a horrible listener so I've become very concious of that. So now I think I'm the creepy staring type who's digging a hole through your head with laser beams while you're talking to me. I could probably stare down a goldfish.

It doesn't hurt me, I just don't feel very comfortable with it. I don't make as frequent eye contact with others as NT's do. But then I tend to make people think I am making eye contact with them by focusing on areas just below their eyes. This works for me and no one notices. However, there are a couple of people I know who I am totally comfortable making eye contact with. As a child, I found eye contact a hell of a lot more difficult. As I have got older I have found it less difficult.

Back when I was in school I would just focus my eyes on the background behind the person.. with them blurred out it was easier to keep looking in their direction.. but then I kept getting "Uhh.. I feel like your looking right through me.. your creeping me out.." so I had to stop

I too learned both that I did not feel about eye contact in the same way others do, and that it was a powerful social tool. Now I control it carefully (along with every other social signal) and use it to punctuate, affirm, and connect. ...sometimes in my youth i used it for a kind of revenge: i could stare anyone down and make them uncomfortable and feel my intensity, and see how they might handle it. Once a drunk man stared at me for about two minutes, and i didn't let up -- the next day he apologized and said he meant nothing of it. My soul had been pierced. --Pretty much no one has understood why i'm so intense: but we see the world as such! Horrible beautiful piercing world!

In my development I seem to have inwardly responded to the overwhelming sense flow with my own equally intense response. -- Root also of our awkwardness and inappropriateness, blindness.

It doesnt hurt with me, never will

deleted, double post

Last edited by likedcalico on 08 Sep 2006, 6:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It never hurt me when I looked at people. I just don't do it because I'm shy, it makes me uncomfortable, it's annoying, and I don't see any point in it. I have ears and I'm not deaf.
I only do it to some people like my mother.

I find it physically painful. A brief glance is merely uncomfortable, but sustained eye contact becomes more and more painful the longer I hold it. I feel it throughout my whole body down to the very tips of my toes. I tried to describe it to my family as "it's like all the bones in my body just grew thorns on them."

The pain/discomfort is lessened if the person is far away though. If someone is on the opposite side of the street, then it's less painful.

It doesn't hurt, but it feels uncomfortable in a way that could, if it were more intense, be described as pain.

That’s perfectly alright Fraya. Being bad at righting is something I know and except about myself, so it doesn’t bug me when people point it out. Also I wrote that post a little bit worse then I normally do, because I didn’t use the spell checker or take my time with it. Anyway no offence taken.

I am rarely aware that anyone is doing it. It would have to be one of those real saucer eyed stares for me to notice.

Paul

Paul, I only just realized that paulsinnerchild must mean Paul's Inner Child, after staring at it for several minutes. Thought it was Paul Sinner Child, which didn't make much sense.

http://forum.asperger.asn.au/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=1984
I made it clearer on the link to the forum above but is does not bother me it is you think otherwise. After all I was a bit on an autie boy

Paul

For me it's uncomfortable and it does hurt. I always look at their shoulder or just past.

It does hurt but there are varying degrees of discomfort according to who the person is and what kind of eyes they have, I find brown eyes are not as bad as paler ones, I don't like looking strangers in the eye, people who are attractive or people who are angry but children are fine, I like to look dogs in the eye but apparently its not always a good idea because they may associate this with aggressive behaviour. Sometimes I feel people can see into me when they look and see something I can't, I love sunglasses. If I've been shut away for a time I find the eye contact pain is more pronounced if i've been mixing the feeling dilutes a bit.