Easily discouraged?

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I'm extremely sensitive to criticism. It was one of the ways I discovered that I have aspie traits. It's given me a great deal of trouble over time.
I tend to take criticism very personal. I also have a hard time imagening why someone else feels another way that I do. So when I discuss with someone who critize something I say, I get VERY defensive. I try to convince others that THEY are wrong, and that my point is right.at times it can almost provoke a rage incident. And when I think about it afterwards I get really ashamed, because I understand that logically I should not be so upset. It helps me to think that it might be because of Aspergers that I respond so extreme, and to focus on that it is not a personal attack, it's just a difference in point of view, even though I don't really understand why they feel differently.

It causes me most trouble at work. As a scientist it's part of the job that people critisize your work and your results and I'm not very good at handling that. Again I get defensive, defend my results fanatically and generally reject criticism. If I realise they are right (by pointing out a logical flaw) I get a feeling of failure since it's hard for me to see if it is meant in a friendly or hostile manner. If anyone has advice on how to deal with criticism at work, it is very welcome.

Regarding my special interest I tend to critisize it openly around people close to me. At least that way THEY don't do it. I just say that I know it's a bit silly but that I like it. But when someone critisise it, damn. It hurts more than they can possibly imagine, right?

I don't have that many people's opinion I respect and care about. Mostly becuase everyone has treated me like s**t my entire life.

I am very sensitive to criticism sometimes. I think some of it may have to do with me being bullied a lot as a kid. I sometimes assume people are being insulting, being mean to me or judging me when they probably aren't & I sometimes verbally lash at em in a very poor attempt to defend myself form being attacked or ridiculed by verbally fighting back & it can start a very heated argument with lots of insults that becomes a meltdown.

I'm also extremely easily discouraged. I'm ready to give up the moment something gets difficult because my past experiences have thought me that difficult things can be impossible for me to grasp or not worth the effort for me to

I'm too sensitive for my own good, that's for sure.

I'm VERY easily discouraged from pursuing goals. Recently, I applied for a job. It was a big step after being a full-time mum for 5 years. I truly think it was mine for the taking, given the hours and the fact that the interviewer told me on the phone that my application was perfect. On the day of the interview (which I think was going to be an informal chat), I mentioned to my mum that I was a little unsure about the job. She said, 'Well don't bother going for the interview then'. So my mind was made up, I put in an apology and never went. Total lack of encouragement and I give up.

It's the same when I'm clothes shopping (which is a rare occurrence). Unless my husband shows some enthusiasm, I won't buy it. Then later he'll say, 'Why didn't you get that?'.

With my art, I try to ignore my mum. She doesn't appreciate art and doesn't know what to say. She's looking for a few prints for her house just now, even though I could paint something to suit her (originals for free). She laughs about it a little as if it is 'pie in the sky', which could be a bit insulting. However, my dad is much more encouraging and would be more than happy to accept a few of my paintings. I've learned to accept that her opinion doesn't count in this area.

most of the time, criticism will trigger fight or flight in me, and I usually flee, never to return again. a perfect instance of this was failing my driving test about 4 years ago. just running over that cone and having the woman tell me I failed deflated me to the point that I have yet to try driving a car again.

Well I know I felt different than others ever since I can remember, and it became obvious others knew this too and did not like it. I mean a lot of my early memories like around the ages of 4-7 involved a lot of not so great social interactions which only furthered the issue I was already different and clearly did not approach social interaction correctly and got treated like I was intentionally doing something wrong, intentionally overreacting ect. So yeah I did start kind of avoiding people as much as I could not because I was ok with being alone all the time......but it was less painful. Then of course when I got to the point in my life where I felt more open to attempting more interaction again the wall was still there, maybe because as a child I did not really get a lot of normal experiance with social interaction so that part did not develop like it maybe should have, it seems unable to figure out how to start a social interaction....if someone talks to me that will get it going or if its in the context of I am ordering food at a reasurant or a senrio in which you are 'supposed' to walk up and talk to them, or if i know the person but without an outside cue I seem not to know how to walk up and talk to someone.

I don't know if that makes sense but yeah its like I know If I wanted to and could I would go up to someone and say something to start a conversation, and then so on and so fourth....but as soon as my thought process gets to the part where I get up and actually do it theres like a wall there or something that prevents any further steps from being taken.

Hello,

From my own experience as an adult with Aspergers(AS), discouragement, cynicism, and doubt are all too easy traps (the very sentiments often reflected in Wrong Planet(WP)). My concern is that feelings of discouragement become a "self-fulfilling prophecy" of sorts (sentiments also reflected in (WP)); hence that "vicious cycle" of discouragement.

My concern here is that people with (AS) become discouraged to a point of becoming silent! - hence alot of useful perspectives regarding what can boost the progress for (AS) are not being spoken; hence no clear ideas of agendas, and action plans that would otherwise boost progress for (AS), and involve thoughtful NTs in the process.

Personally, I'm able to usually stay positive; to a point of boosting awareness of (AS) concerns; esp. with such a rarity of people who start, and continue discussions on matters important to (AS).

One example, the discussion thread in the 'In-Depth Adult-Life FORUM' 'When Self Advocacy Alone Isn't Enough' (LINK) has received only seven responses (as of this writing). This is unacceptable, as self-advocacy (and what is helpful if self-advocacy is not an option) are at the heart of being independent!

What's more, the discussion thread offers opportunities to learn-from and encourage important NT/AS relationships.

Please refrain from that very discouragement that is in nobody's best interests. You'll likely feel encouraged; which is in everybody's best interests on (AS) progress!

(LINK) http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp6199367.html&highlight=

Thank-you

Thread necromancy.

???WHAT???

YES. YES. and m YES again!! !

I have felt similar feelings to the OP about special interests that were trashed by morons. It hurts but my love for my special interests prevailed and in time I was able to get back to them full swing again.

Last edited by skibum on 13 Aug 2014, 1:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think that matters so much with the subject matter of this thread. We still feel these same types of feelings even four years later. There no statute of limitations on these feelings and insecurities. It is fine and appropriate to discuss them at any time.