Asperger's potentially stereotyped as manipulative

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I have met aspies who seem to have learned to at least attempt to manipulate people, or at least use their conidtion as an excuse for being intentionally immature and jerkish.

Yep. Accusations of manipulation are often projections.

Yes, often excess emotionality, particularly anger and rage, gets perceived as manipulative. People say it's manipulative because they feel manipulated if they are the target. So I've been accused of it, sad to say. I don't think it's Aspergers alone in my case though. Depression and chemical imbalances play a bigger role, though that's probably genetic as well. I've always been more easily frustrated and prone to explosions than others and it hurts, a lot, both me and people close to me. I've never been a "scheming" type of person though, I'm just out of control at times.

I've been accused of using my anxiety as an excuse to get my way. My ex's both said something they think that. Since they said "sometimes," it means they think that sometimes but they don't always think it.

Thanks for all the replies - I thought there was something off about such a comment...

I tend to concur with that assessment. It's called projecting. I've run into it a lot.

I've been accused of being manipulative, which is strange because I've always thought that I was pretty considerate compared to most people.

I'd say aspies are easily manipulated, not manipulative. From my own experience with normal people and aspies.

Individuals with Asperger's are often quite manipulative.

But wait--they only SEEM manipulative--check out this sterile-sounding explanation of the basis of that behavior!



You guys just don't get it, do you?

Spreading gossip is a form of manipulation as you are trying to control who is allowed to have friends and who is not.

People like that are usually very manipulative and don't like those who are honest and have real knowledge in subjects they only pretend to have. It could ruin their own facade.

I have checked the dictionary and changed my opinion.

It's one of those loaded words, like "I am firm , you are stubborn, he is pig-headed."

According to that dictionary definition, every boss must be manipulative - they want employees to work for the company, and they try to influence your emotions too - they do not want angry, cynical, bitter employees. Every teacher is especially manipulative: teaching in a state run school is nine tenths crowd control. Every parent is manipulative: that's their job, to guide a child's actions and emotions! Everyone who runs a business tries to manipulate customers - do they really not care what customers do or think? Everyone who try to succeed at an interview is manipulative. Everyone who runs a blog or a church or an army core is manipulative. Anyone who gets a sexual partner into bed is manipulative. By definition. Or do we all pretend to not care in the lightest what other people do or feel? Yeah, right.

The only difference is that aspies are very bad at it.

I wish I could find it again, but several months ago I came across a paper that dissected the assumptions about people diagnosed with BPD being manipulative. The article's point is what you say above, but goes on to add that it is likely that people with BPD aren't even trying to be manipulative, just emotionally reactive. The author compared how one client might get help by approaching a professional a certain way, but then said that someone diagnosed with BPD approaching a professional in the same way may be characterized as manipulative or causing problems.

Also, that paper made the same point that trappedinhell did - that everyone engages in manipulative behavior to get what they want. It's just that in some contexts it is more socially acceptable (you become "persuasive" or "charismatic") while in others it is considered negative (you become "manipulative").



I think there's truth to this. I've come across more than a few people who, having identified negative and sometimes abusive behaviors in themselves, go on to assume that such behaviors must be much more common than they really are. They go to great lengths to reinterpret what other people do into their rather hostile worldview, rather than perhaps face the reality that in whatever social context they're focused on, it really is just them.

I've found projection to be so common that I no longer bother with trying to read people through their non-verbal cues or mentalizing about their thoughts and feelings. I simply allow them to make erroneous interpretations of me, then go back and analyze what they projected onto me to build models of how their minds work.

This reminds me of that movie Adam where the woman asks her therapist friend about dating an AS guy, and the therapist keeps giving her this horrified look and saying how AS means he's autistic, as if that made him less than worthy of being with an NT or something.... Very strange.

No, I don't think we're manipulative persay, but some of our actions could certainly be misconstrued as manipulative. Really all the negative impressions people have of AS are mostly from miscommunication and a lack of understanding.

I saw on an "Alphas" message board that a female character should not date Gary the autistic character, because "She deserves someone who is not autistic".

Say what?! That's horrible and makes no sense at all.