In what sort of ways are Aspies selfish?

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I once had a friend start going on and on about how selfish I was. To this day I still have no idea what she was saying that.

Years ago, my sis went missing in a shopping mall. Since the shopping mall was so small, I was very confident that she was somewhere in the mall, so I didn't look for her. When my parents found out, they screamed and screamed at me. (My sis later admitted that she had sneaked off to buy snacks.)

It's a myth that Aspies are selfish.

True, I don't give much to society. But I don't take much either.

How can anybody in a capitalist society call out individuals for being selfish? It's a requirement for normal economic activity, or so it seems.

I've often said I'd be a lot more altruistic if only others could be trusted to do the same for me.

I'm selfish, but I don't know that that's because of my Asperger's. It really depends on the individual.

I spend nearly all my time feeling guilty for other people, and I fear to say ''no'' to people because I feel guilty and awkward and I constantly worry about what they are feeling more than how I might be feeling - and then people call Aspies selfish?????

I don't think that most people with asperger's are inherently selfish or are meaning to be so, but they are often misinterpreted as selfish as they can often only see things from their own point of view.

Our selfishness is usually because of a theory of mind deficit, not reading into what others may be feeling, not thinking of them, etc.

Or we may be so inward that we seem like we're selfish, but most times it's not a selfishness by choice.

Here's a few example when I have been 'selfish:'

My friend and her dad drove about 4 hours to a gig that was sold out and they didn't have tickets. Oh thought, oh that really sucks - well, cya later, I'm going in. But the rest of my friends stayed with her until both her dad and her got in.

Another time my mum's boyfriend was discussing some really emotional issues to do with his ex-wife turning his kids against him and his kids stopped talking to him. The conversation just went on and on and I just turned off of it. I feel sorry for the guy but because I couldn't join in I just got bored.

I've not been accused of being selfish (often) as I'm very aware of not offending people BUT I do get very caught up in my own thoughts and Special Interests and they take up most of my time. I do quite often seem distant or vacant and that I think may appear self-absorbed (which I am) but as far as I know, no one considers me selfish - but then what would I know. So many times in my life, I have misjudged what people were thinking about me, blissfully ignorant of their true feelings only to find out later how wrong I was. At least I originally start out optimistically thinking humans like me.

I'm NT, married to a guy with suspected AS.

I feel that he is selfish because he seems to put what are to me quite trivial needs above family needs. I can see now that sometimes his selfishness are AS traits, but the IMPACT on me feels like selfishness and regardless of intent - the behaviours are selfish.

So, for example,

-retreating into the world of his special interest, sometimes spending more time on his special interest (D&D) than on work and family time combined.
- being singularly focused on a particular activity or end-point, such as we're going to a restaurant. As soon as the restaurant is in sight, he charges off leaving me behind - places his order and leaves me to fend for myself. Despite explaining many times how this makes me feel, he does this consistently.
- always wanting to do the same thing and pouting when I want to do something different - such as visiting a certain park. I just don't want to do that every weekend. Sometimes I want to go other places.
- not participating in our son's activities because he finds them boring or overwhelming
- and simply not being able to see things from my point of view or withdrawing when I need emotional support.
-throwing a fit when he's expected to do something outside of the norm, such as take my son to a birthday party (he doesn't have to stay!)
-being unwilling to engage in activities that are important to me.
- being blind to the impact of his activities - such as inviting a bunch of D&D people to our house EVERY weekend, meaning that large chunks of our very small house are off-limit to me.
-always prioritising his activities (swimming, D&D) over mine - including the timing of those activities.
-disappearing suddenly and leaving me on my own when we're entertaining, even his own family

Since learning more about AS, I can see why he's doing some of these things. But that doesn't mean that the impact of his behaviour is any less on me. To a large part, I've simply given up and live my own life.

im kinda selfish, i don't really talk about other peoples interest, i don't do things for others if they don't ask. If someone wants to do something, but i don't like it, im not going to do it.