Can an Aspie be a bully?

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I am starting to think acceptance is the most important thing regardless of labels. I want acceptance from society. Other people want it, too. Labels are so divisive. In a way, labelling someone is a form of bullying since, regardless of any label, every single one of us is a unique individual with our own gifts and potentials and should be valued as such.

I don't think this is true. I think labeling is actually fairly valuable, and without some degree of labeling, I think a lot of difficulties and problems and issues would be treated as invisible and swept aside. Labeling can be used for bullying or "us vs. them" thinking, but I do not believe this is a matter of inalterable destiny but rather a matter of how people choose to deploy labels.

I do agree everyone should be valued.

I see your point but I also see people over valuing their label by giving it too much importance so that individuality is lost. The doctor diagnoses you and that is all it is - a diagnosis. It isn't really a label at this point but it becomes one, eventually, as people start to identify themselves totally with it to the exclusion of everything else.

It's more important to just be yourself while keeping in mind you have a diagnosis a medical professional gave you hoping it will make your life easier by giving you options in healthcare concerning your diagnosis.

@ the OP:

Sure Aspies can be bullies, if anything we can be extremely relentless, motivated and self righteous bullies. However, your sister sounds more like someone with borderline personality disorder to my admittedly unprofessional ear, there is some overlap in the two conditions and they're often co-morbid. BPD is no fun at all, I had the misfortune of having one as a first girlfriend, and having no experience thought that the behavior was just normal for people in a relationship . That one still gets a rise out of shrinks, I tell them I was an undiagnosed Aspie living with an undiagnosed BPD for 5+ years and they get that "there's a study and grant money here" look before asking for details. Don't beat yourself up about it, but don't be too hard on her either, you have to think of it like you both got hit by the disorder truck and got hurt in different ways.

I think I agree with Verdandi.

A diagnosis of AS isn't just about being labelled with a medical condition, it can also make up a substantial part of someone's individual identity, regardless of the collective autistic community at large. We might tend to coalesce into a loose affiliation of persons diagnosed with AS, but the same can be said in regards to just about every other psychological ailment known to man. Personality types tend to "group" together, as well, and personality is almost completely indivisible from a person's indentity. It's how we humans achieve self-definition, by adhering to commonalities between like persons, thus shaping the collective indentities of whole gatherings of people.

Last edited by TwistedReflection on 27 Sep 2011, 3:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not sure what fraction of someone's identity Autism should be. Why should it become what someone identifies with above everything else? I mean, we are all human beings and everyone has many differences of all kinds. Even genetically only identical twins and clones are alike, everyone else has different combinations. When you look at all the ways people are different from one another, we are all individuals. Labels generalize and distort. It's easy to get into patterned thought processes thinking NTs are one way, Aspies another but that distorts reality. The reality is no two people are exactly alike, not even identical twins. The truth is everyone is different.

You're only half right. The fact that the quirks and traits of persons with AS are now collectively known as "aspie culture" proves my point. Culture, not being solely ethnic in nature but also of individuals as the sum parts of a collective, is ever-evolving and may incorporate into itself the "quirks and traits" of whole other cultures. This is why there are arguments against AS being a disorder at all, because it correlates so strongly with one's personality/identity that the two are indistinguishable from one another. If not for the often-times crippling impairments, I would not consider it a "disorder" at all, but merely an extension of my personality.

If it isn't a disorder, it would be an even smaller component of someone's entire being. And, why can't a friendly NT fit into the "Aspie culture" if they want? Should someone be excluded because of a label?
Besides, I don't feel a part of any culture with my diagnosis. I feel more like myself than ever and I think that's great because I am more comfortable identifying with myself and not a group.

Last edited by ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo on 27 Sep 2011, 11:27 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I got bullied by someone with Aspergers so yes it can happen. Thing is though he bullied just about everyone and doesn't seem to think he is bullying them even though that is blatently what he is doing. He often plays this 'I don't know what you are talking about' game when staff confront him (he never does it when staff are watching) but some of the other staff have witnessed his mind games and have quite plainly said that what he does is bullying. He got moved to two different houses last year (he moves A LOT) and after tormenting all the residents in both, got put in the psych hospital. Thankfully it looks like he won't be staying with our company any more. I personally think he doesn't just have Aspergers though and I would say that the majority of Aspies who bully have a co-morbid disorder which makes them behave in this way. I would guess that would be true of your sister if she does have AS.

This pointless discussion is getting us nowhere and is now shifting attention from the topic at hand. Let us simply accept that we have two polarised opinions and be done with it.

Last edited by TwistedReflection on 27 Sep 2011, 3:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

Fair enough but it isn't entirely off topic since exclusivity can be perceived as a subtle form of bullying.

I cant be a bully. Its ridiculously impossible.

I think that's up to each individual person to decide. I am pretty sure what someone else decides is none of my business and what I decide is none of theirs.

As far as it goes, I consider being autistic integral to my being, but I consider being agender an integral part of my being too. And being asexual, and queerly romantic. And a gamer. And a writer. And disabled. And the fact that I am an aunt. And a daughter. And a sister. And an activist. And the carer and provider for my cat. And so many things. These are all parts that make up who I am. I don't know why one particular part should need to be under a microscope. Or any particular part.

Last edited by Verdandi on 27 Sep 2011, 5:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

True. Which is why I recommended that we drop the issue and move on. I also have no problem with NTs taking part in the AS/Autistic community; in fact, it should be striven for, not railed against.

I personally have Asperger's, and I have to admit, I have in the pass bullied people.
Though normally I only do this as revenge, or to try and build a 'rep' at school.
I have since grown out of that type of foolish behaviour.

Who do you want to fool?