HELP Devastated after watching this

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My aspie boyfriend will not communicate with me about his asperger's syndrome because I believe he is in denial about it. (Yes, he was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome) We barely ever talk about it. So, coming across all of these videos not only devastates me but SCARES me. This is someone that I have fallen in love with and I had NO idea how important the "alone time" is. Which is very upsetting to me, as I am a very affectiontate person....

That is serious. I honestly don't think the alone time thing is an issue. The best relationships are where each person has some time alone that's healthy. But you have to talk. Talking would have saved my marriage. In my case it was my wife who didn't want to talk. I would not worry about the alone time thing at all. But talking matters.

If I was in a relationship and living with the person, I wouldn't mind sharing a bedroom with them, but I would NEED a space that was all my own.
It's hard to get this across to someone who is sociable and affectionate, but if I'm in love with someone, the fact that I need a lot of alone time doesn't mean I love them any less. The fact that I'm choosing to spend any time with them at all speaks volumes about my feelings.

You need to find a way to communicate with him.

I struggle to communicate with my husband about what I am thinking and how I feel. And I definitely can't talk (verbally about it). We often use email to communicate. Or chat online with each other. And sometimes good old-fashioned letter writing. This methods of communication a lot easier for me than conversation so I can be more open with him.

I'd suggest, if you haven't already, try other method of communicating ...

Seconded. I hadn't made the connection before, but when I was married a year I wrote my wife a long letter because I could not put my stresses into words. This was many years before she unofficially diagnosed me, but yes, writing is much easier than talking.

It depends on the person really.

I wasn't even able to live with my family. I should have been used to live with them but though I've spent my whole life with them it stressed me. I felt immense pressure constantly. I couldn't feel free. (but that all did mostly relate to my insane mother) I felt extremely uncomfortable with using the toilet when somebody was in a near room. I also couldn't make music when somebody was at home and could have heard it or disturbed my mental sphere.
So when I was 16 my psychatrist told my father that I should live alone. This year when I was about to become 18 I did move into our old flat where I feel great. Even my psychosis seems to become slightly better all of the time. Living alone is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Though I still feel disturbed by my neighbours above me, under me, before me and behind me who make noises, play music, watch tv, have crying babies and are of course able to hear what I do too so I never feel totally free. I'm of course able to sleep in my friends rooms without any problem, it's just about my home and private sphere, my freedom.
In spite of that I long for closeness all of the time. I'm convinced that I could share my place with somebody I totally trust in any aspect. With my soulmate. And I could of course also share my bed with her for more than only a few days but everyday. As long as I love her and she loves me and everything about me I can accept and also love her constant presence. I wouldn't need a private room at all. If there would be anything I would have to hide or not share with her I would not want to live with her at all. I know that I'm a hopeless romantic but no love would be enough to me but endless love which knows no criticism, challenge or questioning of what the otherone wants or does. If I wouldn't find that I would die alone but satisfied with myself.

Pretty much the same as above. I was married for 10 yrs. I could talk and explain feelings that she would/could not. We never slept appart till the end. I never asked for much, just a little understanding about what makes me uncomfortable.

I could vent and say what kind of person she was but why, its the past

About 1 or 2 night in a year I have to sleep alone, and I find it hard (like I'm sure most people who are used to sleeping with their partners do). This is defiantly not something which all aspies have in common.

I don't need to have my own room, but if I'm having a rough day, I need to be able to just go be alone for a bit with the door closed. There are some nights though, that I do hope my husband falls asleep on the couch, it just depends on the day that I've had.

Even NT men need their man caves... an Aspie may need more alone time but that doesn't predict the overall sleeping situation. If you are THIS scared, you need to make it a discussion sooner rather than later.

I personally would love to share a room with my partner.

You met one person with autism...etc.

We're as diverse as any other person too. We don't all want to live alone or in separate rooms and those that do can learn to adapt.

I have never been comfortable sleeping in the same bed with another person. I don't even like to sleep in the same room.

Pretty much everyone in my family seems to be like this. I always thought it was just normal, that once couples pass a certain age or certain phase of the relationship, they don't sleep together anymore.

I was shocked the first time I heard someone (outside my family) say that when couples stop sleeping together it is a sign they will split up soon.

Likewise. And I'm NT. I'm a light sleeper and suffer from periodic insomnia. My husband snores or breathes in a whistly noisy fashion when he's asleep. I just can't sleep at all under those circumstances. I don 't exactly advertise the face that we have separate bedrooms because a lot of people seem to believe it's a bad thing.

My husband would prefer us to share a room & the bed but he's not the one with the sleeping issues. So I feel a little guilty but not guilty enough to move back into his bedroom.

It's very refreshing to hear that real people are not like the people you read about who are cool in every way and also having sex all the time. I sometimes have to remind myself "yeah, so I'm celibate, with no money. Well those are the only two things wrong with my life. Everything else is perfect, so all in all I'm doing pretty good."

Reminds me of this image: how the real world is:


Or this version, which is somehow even more real:


Yes, there are people who cuddle up with the one they love every night, but they usually have other issues that would make their life unbearable to me, plus they are outnumbered ten to one by people who cuddle up with someone they don't really like.