Lonely but bored of talking to people.

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That's not so far off, really. But it's more like, "talk about the weather, or if you happen to get stabbed, people will look the other way instead of rushing to help."

Yes it is difficult to think of things. It should be easy. The object of the exercise is clear enough - declare self to other person and interrogate them, in the nicest possible way, so you can mutually determine how close you'd like to be with each other. But so much is done indirectly, like an opening comment on the weather which has little to do with the weather, being more of a handshake which we do instead of saying "let's be friendly to each other." I guess the indirectness is the main problem. Aspies would usually much rather come straight out with it.

I often feel I need to develop some kind of protocol, rather than trusting my intuition to find the right material at the time. But it would probably only work if I knew myself reasonably well.

I can see why you find it boring. A lot of small talk and pleasantries are pretty pointless. It can also be challenging taking another person's point of view or trying to talk about things they may find interesting, but you may not. It can get tough and discouraging. However, your goal is to make connections with people, and if you'd like connections with "mainstream" people, you may need to have to fake interest in people at times, even if things do seem boring.

However, there are plenty of situations where you won't need to do this. Perhaps you should figure out exactly what connection you would like. If you have a very strong interest in a particular topic, you should perhaps find a forum about that topic and begin posting. As well, you should find out if there are any groups for people with AS in your area. I find that conversing with AS very topic oriented and direct, avoiding all the social fluff that is usually found when conversing normally.

I actually love talking, but i kinda stopped doing it since i am 16.. people never get to the point or say something smart and wise, they say wrong things and then i feel the urge to correct them.

i am close to meeting people with my interests and i look out to those people cause they atleast should have SOMETHING to say that i like.

I find that I can do greetings and that I can do deep & meaningful but I can't do all the chit chat and small talk in between effectively.

Unfortunately it's pretty hard to get to real friendship without this chit chat stuff unless the other person is willing to lead a lot of the work. One of the the key reasons I have few friends, well I think anyway.

Yes they do often seem pointless, unless you're aware of their social significance and can see the doors unlocking and the barriers coming down. I still have trouble in making and appreciating simple jokes.....they never seem deep or intelligent enough for me, they seem way too simple for me to believe anybody out there could possibly be amused. I used to wade in with the most complex, obscure "humour" I could, and of course hardly anybody laughed. Same for small talk - it seems so easy that I can hardly believe it could possibly be enough. In a way it's so hard because it's too easy.


I'd recommend trying to take an interest rather than trying to fake one, unless it's purely to "handle" some difficult person with whom you don't really want friendship. Sometimes there's not much difference......sometimes talking an interest for the first time in what you've always deemed trash in the past can feel very phoney...it's like being in a relationship that's drifted apart, and the counsellors have suggested that you start asking each other "how was your day?".....you begin and it feels downright phoney, but eventually you realise that it wasn't, when you muster up a little compassion and caring for what's important to the other person. If you really don't give a toss about the hopes and fears of the other people, I think the game is lost. But I like to think that everybody has at least a spark of interest in others. Look for common ground and it should grow.