OMG some kids need a seditative...

Post Reply New Topic

Hmm, I don't think she gets her IEP until she starts at her new school. After a week at the current high school she was placed in, they have moved her to a uniformed school, (which she is totally against) and it is a bit more stricter then the average high school because it has padded cells for them to vent their anger. If she starts hitting teachers and students they put her in a padded cell until she calms down. Now her mom treats her like a baby. Always giving her, her way and what she wants. I'm guessing, because she doesn't want to be beat up and keeps her calm. So, I'm guessing this is how the both of them came up with the home school idea.

1) It finally teach her how to dress.
2) Maybe it will stop her from hitting people.
3) Teach some structure and discipline of what she lacks.
4) She gets one on one learning time with the teachers rather then not getting all the attention like she wants. This will give all the attention that she wants from the teachers.
5) Also prepares her for the work force. Which I highly doubt, that she'll be able to do because of the constant supervision.
6) Plus, she immediately begins to work on a diploma

I think this will be good for her. It was the recommendation from her current school and it's a lot more closer to home.

Place is a mixture of rough kids (juveniles on one side, mentally challenged on the other side).

Hmm, I wish they would get get ball rolling and place her in the new school. I think it might do her a bit of good. Right now. She hates school and is doing her dangest not to go.

*Refusing to take a shower or bath. Only way I can force a shower on her is if it rains heavily or if I just put the water hose on her. lol

*Refusing to dress properly. Never matches, always wears things that are way too small for her. I went out and got her some nice clothes and she refuses to wear them. Her mom told her she looked too old in them. lol They are preppy stylish clothes, not old clothes. lol She like wearing raggidty stuff. I told her Hanna Montana wouldn't wear the clothes that she picks and she was like Uh-huh. This is the Hanna Montana Style. lol

Lately she has been good but these past 2 days have been pure..ell.

Last edited by jasmania27 on 11 Oct 2011, 2:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

This sounds like intentional, malicious acts of violence and vandalism. This goes beyond autism or any sort of diagnosis, let's be realistic folks, this girl is hurting people and breaking stuff intentionally.

If I trip because I'm clumsy and I break a dish, that is a valid AS excuse because by nature I am clumsy. If this girl scratches up a car and kicks it, she certainly didn't do it because she tripped.

Sedatives might work, but seriously, no matter how much discipline you instill if she's purposely defiant, this sounds a LOT like Oppositional Defiance Disorder. And from your description she is certainly ODD. (bad joke, but still.)

I don't know what to tell you other than that really sucks and you need to get this girl out of your house before she burns it down for funsies.

On a personal note: Dressing properly? Really, seriously, what? I guess as a girl she does have some sort of "responsibility" to dress sensibly, but if I wear clothes that match it's either because my entire wardrobe is black so it matches no matter what, or someone else picked the clothes out. Maybe if you make it HER choice to decide what clothes she can wear. For example, lay out a few choices of clothes that match, and she can choose which she'll tolerate for the day.

Giving kids a say in the matter tends to make them more willing to comply, especially at that age when defiance is all they know. Perhaps she wears "raggedy" clothes because they're comfortable, and maybe the clothes YOU got her are not. That actually could be a sensory issue. Discipline is for NTs, figuring out solutions that make life easier for everyone might be more difficult, but that is the route for any non-NTs.

Good luck.

ADHD, ODD, I say yeah, Autism mediocre. She has half a brain literally on x-rays. She does not have a full functioning brain. So, I realize she does have problems. But when she does it out of spite. That tells me she knows right from wrong.

Yeah, I tried that already. You don't want to see what she picks out. lol It will make you literally turn your head 360 degrees. She's sneaky too and will put up a fuss if you tell her to change. She will insist to go to school like that. Sure enough, we get a call from the school. She has to come home and change.

Dressing properly. Yes, is a must. Because she has big snowballs. She wears things that are so small on her to where everyone can see her snowballs. She flaunts them around. Today while kicking my car she literally flashed all my neighbors.

I can't hit her. She's not my kid. I have to stand there looking embarrassed by her actions. I can't even yell at her because it doesn't do a bit of good.

If your child turned around and pulled that. What would you honestly do?

Well, that uh..... Well that makes matters different, she should be in some sort of instution, or that school.... That's quite the...... Well..... Shiz....

Snowballs. Wonderful euphemism. Point taken. A very bad situation, and one can only hope for a peaceful resolution, one that involves her never being near you or your property again. Really, there's only so much you can do, and it's unfair to force you to live with that sort of behavior. Mental issues aside, you're the one who's going to be in a nuthouse if this doesn't end soon.

I honestly have no solution then, and I'm sorry. I repeat: Good luck.

Yeah, for now on, I'm not coming home until 8PM. Either going to stay on campus and do something or just go to work. 8PM is her bedtime. Both of them pretty much have taken over my house already. It went from a nice clean house everyday to a hurricane everyday. Driving me nuts.


I've tried explaining that. My sister refuses to put her in an institution. But, I know, She will not grow to her potential at the age of 25, 30, 40. She will always be the way she is acting. She will never be able to live on her own. She won't make it. She will never be able to drive. She'll be going through cars like water after road rage. lol

Thanks.

Alright, from an earlier post, you're definitely not understanding what positive reinforcement is. And from this post, you're not getting that discipline doesn't automatically mean hitting or yelling- Infact, striking a child is illegal for a reason. Yelling is another one of those things that really shouldn't be done either. If it were your child, you think hitting her for hitting someone is going to get the right message across....?

I've had a parent who hits and yells, a step parent who is verbally abusive and yells, and a parent gives positive reinforcement, her "discipline" was always losing a privilege or being grounded, etc. Not once did she ever hit me, and it's really rare she raises her voice (typically she's afraid and is trying to get attention, not in a rage) Guess who me and both my siblings listen to the best? That's right, the one who has never laid a hand on us. Why? We respect her, the situation doesn't escalate because there aren't two increasingly tense people, etc.


I said it in the first post, and I'll say it again. Find someone who can actually teach you about autism and other things like ODD, ADHD, etc. Because both you or your sister know how to handle it by the sounds of everything. This isn't fair to any of you, and it's just creating an extremely unhealthy, hostile environment that is probably causing more lashouts than it should.


For the record, my younger sister, the one we're 99% sure is autistic- She's 13, she has been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactive impulsitivity disorder, when she's not taking her medication (concerta) or when it starts wearing off, she gets over stimulated much more quickly, she literally can not calm herself down or control herself, it causes violent outbursts, throwing of things, banging doors, etc. The best thing is to get her calm and then deal with it. She suffers the same consequences I do, we just wait until she is calm to sort it out. The whole flashing thing among other things we get here too, and again it's typically when she's trying to get a rise out of us or already in a state where she can't control herself. The only time she really went off the deep end, it's because she was being very badly verbally abused and boarderline neglected by a really bad assistant at the daycare she was at and was lashing out because she didn't know how to tell us... PMS or about a week before she gets sick are usually more stressful and harder too.

Learn about what she has and what she could POSSIBLY have, and if it fits her (the ODD) after you've found someone for YOU to go to and try to get help with this situation, treat her as if she has it, and if it helps, awesome. If it doesn't, try the next method. Don't expect changing something is going to work right away, it could take weeks or month with a non special needs child, so stick with it for at least a month, be consistent with it, and then decide if it's working or not. She's going to be more rigid to change, remember.


You aren't her and you can't read minds, so there is no possible way you know 100% beyond a doubt what she is thinking when she smirks or when she does what she does. Remember that.


It's your house, and if your sister isn't willing on helping you help her daughter properly by getting help and educated herself, maybe it's time to give her an ultimatum, learn and help or leave, this includes an institution if everything else has been exhausted.

I don't hit her. It's not my place. Yes, I do raise my voice. Especially, when she was beating my car today. She can beat on her car. Not my car. Also, she literally got in front of my car and tried to push it down the hill today with a smirk. [I don't need to be psychic mind reader to know she knows what she was doing was wrong] so, noticed she didn't take her meds like she was suppose too. Probably wouldn't have been a bad day today if she did take them.

Tomorrow my sister is calling around to make her an appointment. Will see.
*They just moved out here and she is looking for pediatrics that care to her specific needs. TYVM

Would you like to see the bruise she left on her mother's arm?
We don't hit her, get that straight. She hits us.

She is the Jolly Green Giant and we are the Smurfettes. Even my dog is scared of her. He won't even be in the same room as her.

When she gives me a challenged eye look with a smirk to back it up, she is definitely up to no good. I don't have to be a mind reader to figure that out.

Take a step back, a deep breath, read this post without thinking it's a personal attack on you, and look at it as purely informational, because that's what it is.

I never said you hit her, you implied if it were your child that you would, and asked what I would do in your situation, my entire post was telling you what's worked and why the yelling hasn't.




Part of helping is getting educated and also doing something when the child misbehaves, not just looking into peadiatrics, there are several other venues such as finding a social worker, parenting classes for children with special needs, etc. By your posts it sounds like your sister does absolutely nothing and it frustrates you, I was providing options to help you, but you keep disregarding them.



Would you like to see the bruises all over my shins and legs? Did I ever say I don't believe that she doesn't hit her Mother? You said you can't hit her because she's not your child, and asked what we would do, again implying you would hit her if you were her child, I was telling you how that wouldn't help at all.


I never said you weren't scared, I gave you options to help empower you.



Again, I never said anything about her being up to no good, but you don't know for a fact it's out of spite, there are a million other reasons that it could be for, like the fact that her whole life is being uprooted, her routines turned inside out, a new home, school, living arrangement. Take something that would frighten you or make you really anxious and multiply it by as many changes as she's got going on right now, then add another few notches of anxiety and you're a little close to what she's probably feeling right now. You also don't know that she has control over her actions when she gets like that. Being impulsive is a horrible thing when it plays such a huge role in your life. Oh, but she smirks, so she must be doing it on purpose, right? No, I've seen people smile and laugh at funerals, do they think it's funny? Are they happy the person is dead? No, they just can't help smiling or laughing under stress. Maybe it's the same with your niece, maybe it's not.

Yes I'm frustrated, so yes I'm even more blunt in the last few posts and I'm sorry if it's coming off rude, but everything I've written is to explain things to you and try to help because you're coming on her obviously upset and saying things you really shouldn't be because the information you have is very limited or incorrect, and it's going to get you angry posts like your last one. I'm very big on human rights and child safety. When you do things like say "I can't hit her, she's not my kid" it implies you WOULD hit her if she were your kid and this is upsetting- Hitting a child for hitting is wrong and doesn't teach them anything but it's ok to hit people when you're angry. I told you to talk to your sister about helping, because getting worked up about her doing nothing when her kid goes on these rampages is only enabling her to keep doing the same thing, if she had to choose between actually helping in such situations when she's there or finding a new home, she would probably want to learn more ways SHE can help her daughter by learning methods of calming her down etc. I wrote this last section because I asked a good friend about it and he said you're probably thinking I'm belittling you or putting you down, when really, I'm pointing things out that could be fixed and I'm answering your questions honestly, NT's like things sugar coated and not true if it's something they don't want to hear. I don't do those things.

I'm having a hard time taking this entire post seriously only because - the child in question is 16 and THIS out of control. You and her mother sound like you know very little about her condition or how to handle it. A child this violent wouldn't have made it to 16 in a public school without some sort of evaluation and services in place. At least in most countries.

On the off chance this is entirely serious - you need a solid dx so you and her mother can EDUCATE yourselves. You need an educational, therapy and medical team around this child to help address these issues now - today - immediately. Why on earth would someone come to a website for direction when the situation is THIS desperate?! No one here can dx. No one here knows your entire situation. And all the helpful advice people may offer you is MOOT until you can get the crisis under control. The situation you describe is a crisis. An emergency. If you thought you were having a heart attack would you ask for opinions online? A school with padded cells? They call those institutions and most children do not get placed in that type of situation without alot of detailed evaluation and an exhaustion of lesser options.

If you need recommendations on who to call, and how to begin to address this crisis, ask for that help here specifically - by name. Coming here telling us what a monster this child is isn't helping you or her. Everyone needs to vent - this is beyond venting.

1. Clearly your form of discipline isn't working, right? So you need to try something else.
2. Positive reinforcement is very powerful and is the basis of the some of the best autism treatment out there. But you haven't even tried it. Why are you saying it doesn't work?
3. As many have said, you need to educate yourself about autism. The reason the girl is out of control is because no one has worked with her correctly, and that's not HER fault.

I'm not saying it is her fault. I know she has problems. But, please remember this was sprung on me. I didn't know the extent of her problems until she got down here. I'm not going to put them on the street. No one in the immediate family wants to deal with either one of them. But, she's my sister and she's my niece. So, I am trying to help them. My sister has the "Everything is wrong with me problem, I can't work problem, You are always the blame problem, Everything is wrong with my daughter" and her daughter has the "Behavioral problem". It is a no wonder this child has problems.

Today was was 3rd day in a row where she wanted to get out of control and have her say and way at everything, then became again aggressive. So, Finally we took her to the ER because that's what the ER Crisis Center said to do.

She's at the ER now, that was the ONLY time she calmed down. Because, she got her way, yet again. They said they are going to refer her to neurologist and with a behaviorist and change her meds and give her a work up.

Hopefully, things will settle down.

This all because her dad didn't get her a birthday present and didn't show up to her birthday. So, I'm the one she is lashing out at. She is only taking it out on stuff that is mine. Not her mothers, and not her stuff. She knows the difference. Now, she's acting like this is her house and my bedroom is off limits to me. She locked me out of my bedroom. Now, I have to find the keys.

Did anyone else think "How can you break things with a smirk? I didn't know facial expressions could break things"? How long did it take you to figure out what the sentence actually meant, approximately? ("The kid smirked while breaking things.")

(It took me 3 seconds)

If she is going to be living with you for any length of time then you and her mom should meet with the teachers and get ideas for what to do at home. Generally teachers are less clued in than family on what to do with a particular kid. But in this particular case and with these teachers who only handle kids in crisis, they probably can give you better methods for home.

If they were close, that could be extremely devastating, even if they weren't close, it could still be pretty devastating, if she was expecting it, that's a huge let down and a good reason (Not excuse) for lashing out. If you're the only one who reacts in a negative way, or in any way, that's the reason she's taking it out on you- Even negative attention is attention.

I made it to 20 before I got any services! Good old United Kingdom

It does sound like a syndrome mix though. I have AS, ADHD and ODD and as a teen I was a little s-word. I never smashed cars or owt though. That, to me, suggests that this could be heading towards becoming Conduct disorder or antisocial personality disorder, both of which are VERY serious. It is difficult to deal with/live with a person who has ODD (my Mum would agree with me there!) and sometimes it is kinder for the person with it to go somewhere where their life can be more structured. Before I moved into care (which is tailored with my autism in mind), I was destroying things, starting fights in public, attacking my Mum and brother and winding people up on purpose. Since I have been in care with more structure, I have been a lot better. I still really struggle with authority and if someone tells me that I HAVE to do something I usually tell them to go away (but in a less polite way!). One of the staff worked out that I had ODD before my diagnosis yesterday (still fresh!) and ever since she worked this out, I haven't challenged her once. She really knows how to deal with my defiant behaviour. Unfortunately giving any kind of attention to our behaviour (like telling us to stop or that we'll have to pay for that later) will usually make us worse.

Whoops wrote a lot there

That puts a little light on things. Thanks.

The child is 6' ft and 170 pounds
Her mom is 4'9 and 120 pounds
I'm 4'11 and 83 pounds.

They both just got back and she had her field day at the hospital where they spoiled her. Like she needs more of that. Then when the doctor came, she didn't want to talk to him because he shut off her TV. lol So all the fighting to see a doctor, she finally gets there and she won't talk to the poor guy. She wanted to go now and didn't want to wait until the 23rd.

Also, they changed her meds, So hopefully the chemical imbalance of the other meds will least balance them out a bit.


She definitely did a 180 on her attitude when she got back though.

Finally, some peace.