People who keep using your name, annoying??! !!
Does anyone else find themselves doing this?
yes, same for me. i don't remember names well and i can't recognize faces, so maybe it's part of that. but even to my family i avoid using names as much as possible. in addition, sometimes when people use my name to talk to me, it kind of pulls me out of the moment and takes me a second to realize 'oh, that's my name.'
I only get annoyed if someone calls me by my full first name or middle name. Have never liked my first name. I don't mind being called by a shorter version of my name. I actually prefer the way most of my classmates get their friends' attention instead of calling each other by their names - stamping on the floor or waving their hands in each other's faces because they're all deaf.
People who do this may attempt to justify this irritating practice by claiming it helps them remember peoples' names, or that it sounds 'intimate' to the person being spoken to, etc. Someone above quoted Dale Carnegie who wrote that a person's name was the "sweetest and most important sound" to them. That's a bunch of crap. The bottom line is that people who enjoy w*king other peoples' names seem to derive a sense of self-importance from it, since in our culture the tradition is that only someone in a position of authority (such as your mom, dad, school teacher, etc) should use your name in such a manner. So it is very pretentious for anyone else to do it.
That is why pretentious people do it.
As for the Carnegie quote, it's from a book called "How to Make Friends and Influence People." Isn't it creepy that someone would make use of a technique, such as w*king your name, to influence you?
Someone above wrote that you should ask the perpetrator to stop. In my experience, name w*kers tend to be highly defensive about their practice when confronted. It's like you are infringing on some divinely ordained right they have when you ask them to stop using your name superfluously. It becomes clear that they just can't stand to lose the ability to assert higher status over you by w*king your name. This just underscores the point that the practice is pretentious.
Another fact that underscores this point is that people tend to do it when arguing, to express the idea that the listener is immature.
What can you do about it? My response has been to myself use my own name, in place of the pronoun 'I' whenever speaking to the name w*ker. But you have to do it for a while before they get the point and back off. Using your own name instead of 'I' is not only annoying to the name w*ker, it also reverses the higher-status thing because it's like saying to your kid "Daddy wants you to go to bed now" instead of "I want you to go to bed now."
Hope this helps.
^ Yes, this.
And welcome to WP by the way.
I can also add that this whole practice is integral to "identity thinking", which in turn is a key tool in negotiating a world of hierarchal structures.
It's all about power exchanges.
Be very suspect when someone is doing this.
...
As for the Carnegie quote, it's from a book called "How to Make Friends and Influence People." Isn't it creepy that someone would make use of a technique, such as w*king your name, to influence you?
I've heard his book mentioned a number of times. I find the thought of manipulating people so revolting that I don't think I could bring myself to read it.
Yes, it is about self-importance. There is a fascinating book titled Comparative Legal Linguistics on the topic language, authority, and the development of legal language systems around the world http://books.google.com.au/books/about/ ... m6CQ_wN7sC.
Hope this helps.
Great idea. I know a few people who deserve this treatment.
It's all about power exchanges.
Be very suspect when someone is doing this.
Correct. The book I mention above makes this point very clear. It's a book written for students of law, and the "need" for projecting authority and power is presented as an unquestionable element required for the construction and maintenance of any society.
Which, for me, is part of the problem: I do not want any sort of intimacy with most people, and it makes me suspicious when people try to create an aura of intimacy by tricks like that.
I prefer intimacy to be built by getting to know a person gradually over a long period of time.
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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I
Not exactly an answer to your question, but have you ever noticed that, in the USA in 2014, if someone says hello to you or vice versa, they're expected to say your name, or vice versa, even if you know they know your name, they know you know they know, you know they know you know they know, etc. I wonder if Seinfield has done a bit on this.
Does anyone else find themselves doing this?
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DRzero
I do not like when people use my name beyond 'hello (name)'. Other than that it seems condescending like they are speaking to a small child.
On the other hand, if someone truly gets on my bad side I will use their name repeatedly in a conversation so they know, without a doubt, that I am speaking down to them.
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