Why do you wish you was born NT?

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OK, it's odd how I see NTs differently to the rest of you on here.

When I was at school, I always felt dumb because everybody else seemed to pick things up quicker than I did. I often found myself copying what the person next to me wrote down, because otherwise I got it all wrong. And at high school there were 4 maths sets, and set 4 was the lowest, and I was in set 4, along with 8 or 9 others who also had a learning disability (but not AS), whilst all the other kids were all in the higher maths sets. Same went for science. (The only higher set I was put in was for English, but so were, like, 20 other kids and they were all NT). Even then I was still slower than the rest.

And Aspies are smarter than NTs, you say? Maybe some are, or most are, but not me. I was always a little behind the rest of the kids in my whole yeargroup, and in each yeargroup there's like 200 students.

Being NT does not mean all social, social, social. They like to learn things too. Will I say my doctor is Aspie, just because he went to university and studied biology? Will I say the librarian is Aspie, just because she works in a library? Shall I say the electrician is Aspie, just because he studied electronics? Shall I say David Cameron is Aspie, just because he has no common sense and seems to think everybody is rich just like him and can't seem to put himself into the average person's shoes? Nope.

Unemployed and living alone in a new city, with family and "friends" back home who were just used to not talking to me all that much anyway.

Eventually the lonlieness got to be too much; it was either off myself or learn how to deal with people. After much trial and error, I started learning. Then I learned about Asperger's, and got exponentially better at identifying what I had done wrong in the past and how to improve so that I might not have to fear socializing so much.

Maybe I'd feel different if I'd found out about Asperger's at a younger age. If I had some help figuring out exactly what I was doing wrong and how to fix it, rather than just knowing that people don't like me, much as I might like them, because there is something off about me.

My life is so much better now than it used to be. But I can't help thinking of the things I'm still missing out on.

I would have loved of had a normal life and not feel like something bad is about to happen all the time. I would also would of liked to have had a loving companion and raise some kids. I am also sure my parents would of loved to have had a child capable of showing them affection them too.

Last edited by Todesking on 13 Oct 2011, 7:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What's the point of wishing for something that will never be? I know you only wanted to hear from those who have wished they were NT, and the reason I'm answering is because I used to wish that. All the time.

I'm also answering because I found that wishing for that never helped me one bit. It didn't change what I am. I am what I am, and though I have grown, in many ways, I am still the same as I always was, and there are certain things I have identified that I cannot change. Fighting it only caused more stress, making my AS traits worse.

It's just not worth the stress. "Wish in one hand, s**t in the other. See which fills up first."

I've had enough of both. Now that I've come to accept who I am, I feel far less stress, and am much happier. Everybody has problems. AS is mine.

EDIT: Note to self: DEAL WITH IT!

Note to everyone else: DEAL WITH IT!

I don't.
Admittedly, though. my brain's bloody-minded determination not to be pushed past a certain point of doing stuff is annoying.
I did 2 extra things on Monday (it was after a long week with a few routine changes) and it partially shut down my visual processing.
That type of nonsense is deeply irritating.

I wish I didn't feel the urge to correct your grammar in the topic sentence.

This is a very great question.

If I was born as an NT rather than an Aspie, 1) I would have been more socially accepted, had a large network of friends, and retained friends. 2) I wouldn't be staying at home all alone watching TV and playing Xbox every weekend. I would either be doing those things with friends or hang out at random places with friends. 3) I wouldn't be making an social mistakes that would be pissing the NT's off. 4) I would have a romantic partner.

Having Asperger's has really been hurting me emotionally.

Why should I have to conform to customs that are flawed miraculously? Why is anyone with a little quirk instantly viewed as wrong, or broken?

Some of these questions will never have any good answers.

That was my first thought, as well. Sometimes I can be a terrible grammar Nazi. To answer the question, I'm content with being an Aspie. I don't need to conform to a socially-constructed reality. If others see me as weird or defective because they don't approve of how I live my life, that's too bad for them.

If I were NT, I would likely have friends and the ability to maintain social interaction. All I want to do is sit at home, stim, and pursue my interests. Society isn't very receptive to that.

I wish I was born NT because I would have more friends, be happier and more successful . Once in a blue moon I "feel NT", but I can't be 100% sure I was actually feeling NT.

But I can't escape the NT world. People just say, ''everybody else is the problem if they don't understand you'', but I'm never going to win in an NT world, so it will always get to me, and if I don't even try to make an effort with people, then I will be more miserable because I'm forced to get out there in the NT society and get a job. I am on job-seekers, being pressurized every week, and each job that comes up has some sort of barriers against my AS, and I can't just pick up anything because I won't last 5 minutes then will be thrown back on the dole again, to start all over again. I can't take a job where I'm in somewhere like McDonald's, where it's noisy and involves an incredible amount of multi-tasking and constant interaction with customers.....that will just never be a strength of mine. Also, I can't get a job in a high-fashion shop with a crowd of snooty girls who look down on lowlives like me, who struggles with peer pressure. I will end up being bullied, and left in the store on my own. And that worries me too, because I have this f*****g unconfident expression on my stupid face what I can't seem to ever get rid of, no matter how much I smile and make eye-contact, and customers know that, and they will take advantage of it, and me being timid and daft like I am, I will let them get away with it and I'll probably end up getting the shop into trouble or something. Jeez-Louise - if I was to be a security gaurd at an airport, I bet the airport would be rioted by terrorists before you know it!

Listen to this cool man - he'll tell you exactly how I feel about employment. I don't know him, but I listen to this same video a lot, and it's like he's speaking for me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0OWROqH1PU

I f*****g hate myself and the way I am. And no, saying ''be more confident then'' isn't very helpful, because I just haven't got that social knack, never will have, and if I do try to be confident I just make a fool of myself, because really my brain isn't wired that way, so I will never do it right. I remember, when I was 8 (shortly after I was diagnosed), to my therapist's face, I yelled at the top of my voice will full aggression, ''I f*****g HATE ASPERGER'S SYNDROME - f**k AUTISM RIGHT TO HELL!! !! !! !! !! !! !''

Ah well, I expressed how I was feeling about it.

If I were NT, more people than my wife would respect me and want to deal with me. That would be nice.

I just would love to go out without unintentionally getting gawps and stares from people.......*sigh*

Fun ?

Life would be a little less challenging. Plus the more someone fits into society's mold of a "normal" person, the more he/she is likely to be accepted and understood.