ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
When I try to fit in, I go out for a night on the town. Night clubs and such. It's easy to make friends at those.
I can not handle night clubs. Too much noise and light and people. I like dinner parties and getting together to watch a movie.
MathGirl wrote:
But as long as you can find your sense of belonging somewhere, as long as there is a group in your life where you really feel as an equal, it becomes much easier to cope with being alone and not being like everyone else. I guess it becomes harder to do so the more different you are, but it's the only way you can really fight the loneliness.
I want to find a place where I feel like an equal. The only place I have is here, online. I'd love a space in my day to day life where I feel equal.
Today just went awkwardly. I've been accidentally offending people lately, just by saying something a little too blunt. I don't think it's wrecked anything, but it makes me less confident.
I had a 3 hour choir rehearsal for my university choir, which I almost feel like an equal at - I'm on the executive, I manage their website and twitter and facebook, as well as design the posters. A lot of people in the 85 person choir know my name. But at the beginning of choir, our director made us face the person behind/in front of us and repeat some random happy thing he said. I ended up facing my friend, which was fine, but it was a situation where eye contact would have been appropriate and I couldn't do it. I made brief eye contact occasionally, but mostly looked away. She pointed to her eyes, which was obviously intended to get me to look there, but I just kind of laughed nervously and continued to avoid eye contact.
Again, this social faux pas didn't wreck anything, but I continue to feel like I'm in a glass box and the people around me are free.
I don't know why I feel so lonely lately, but it just continues. I can't connect with people the way I want to. Someone on this thread said there are lots of meaningless interactions for every meaningful one, and I feel like I never even get any meaningful ones.
As for finding places where I feel equal, I've asked my university theatre company if they would consider me to be in charge of their website. Computers and music are the languages I speak, and since I'm already doing my choir's website, it wouldn't be hard to do the theatre company's website as well. Being useful helps me feel equal.
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Transgender. Call me 'he' please. I'm a guy.
Diagnosed Bipolar and Aspergers (questioning the ASD diagnosis).
Free speech means the right to shout 'theatre' in a crowded fire.
--Abbie Hoffman
