Does everyone with Asperger's get meltdowns?

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I used to have them frequently as a kid, less frequently as a young adult, and infrequently now. Extreme stress tends to provoke them for me...that and sleep deprivation.

~Kate

I rarely have meltdowns, but I shut down about 2-4 times a month. I don't do it every day like some people here get the impression that I do.

As a kid I had frequent unregulated raw meltdowns, and as a teenager they gradually declined. I still have infrequent meltdowns, only when I am under extreme stress or unmitigated frustrations.

What exactly is a meltdown? Like a temper tantrum? If so, I used to have them in college IN PUBLIC. That was really not cool. I still throw tantrums to this day and I am 32.

I've heard people who travel and speak about autism spectrum disorders say that they've never found someone with Asperger's who has neither meltdowns nor shutdowns if pushed far enough in all of their travels.

For some people that required far more pressure than others, and some would basically only have shutdowns not meltdowns, but every one interacted with so far would have at least one if pushed far enough.

Stress, unmitigated frustration (I like this term) may trigger a meltdown for me even today, nearing 40. I rarely have shutdown, if any at all, though. My meltdowns are sometimes very mild, sometimes reaching the level of some videos out there on youtube, throwing things (pillows, books, keys etc.), kicking, hitting and swearing, coming at me in ebbing waves. Usually it happens only at home, but anger outbursts can lash out of me at someone publicly in the street, too. These are the ones I really fear of. The former (the ones that happen at home) are only funny or pathetic, depending on how you look at them.

Well, that seems pretty logical, but wouldn't anyone have a meltdown if pushed far enough? NTs aren't immune to meltdowns are they? It would take total absence of feelings to be immune....

I think I'm having one of these today, and that has surprised me somewhat. The past day or so I've been anxious about something new I've got to do in work next. Next week is going to be busy enough as it is, and now Im feeling really overwhelmed. I had to go to an OU tutorial this morning, and I didn't really feel in the mood, so the upshot was that I sat in the room, hardly spoke to anyone, couldn't stop shaking, and wanted to kick off on a couple of people I perceived to be a***holes. I came home and functioned a little better, then decided I needed to go out for some fresh air. Went to the pub, had a pint, came home, and just felt like I was going insane. I had a sleep for an hour or so, but I've just been feeling like I can't cope with ANYTHING AT ALL today. That is not only frustrating, but exacerbates the stress.

I have recently found out i have AS, i am 35 so its came as a bit of a shock, its a little scary, but its also relieving to know why i have felt "different" all of my life, clumsy in my own body, feeling like i dont want to talk to people, trouble looking people in the eyes, misreading people's intentions, arguements with people (including my Wife) that start because i swear they are getting at me, disrespecting me or raising the tone of their voice, when endless people say they havent, now i have adjusted my behaviour as much as i can to fit into the NT world (even if sometimes i just cant do its so tiring and as im so fed up with it so i act up)i make a point of looking people in the eyes even though i hate it, i have gone to large gatherings even though it makes me have meltdowns that i have to mask on top of acting "normal" and getting completely drunk just so i can socialise there, expressing my feelings even though im scared to say anything sometimes for fear of offending someone, travelling to different countries (even though i dont feel like leaving my house) i have conquered a lot of these things somewhat, its like im trying to make myself immune to 1000 phobia's by pushing myself to do the things i fear most, i am so very glad to find out im not "crazy" that there is a real reason for me feeling like i do.

Now i am living in America, i moved here 5 years ago from England to live with my Wife who is American with my son (now 12, who im also pretty certain at least shows a lot of traits that look alike to AS), which is huge for someone like me, i expected some differing aspects to the culture, but i had no idea what i was in for, i learned to mask a lot of how i am by literally observing NT's and copying there "normal" behaviour and was really accompilished at masking myself after 30 years of many failed social encounters but learning after each one (i obsess about the conversations i have, especially arguements and question and re-live it in my head till i know what to do next time, or at least think i do), but now im in America its like i am 5 years old again and im having to learn a different type of "normal" its so very difficult, I work in a warehouse (yeah) where my employers in the past have forced me to work 10-12 hour days i got promoted 4 years ago so am in charge of a number of people, which forces me to interact more frequently than ever before and fail and fail and fail, since i found out about "meltdowns" i realised in England i probably had 10 or less meltdowns my whole life, here there have been periods of my life where i have had all workday meltdowns sometimes every day when on forced overtime, daily for weeks or even months to the point where im almost sure i was so stressed that it caused my health to fail, it has gotten better recently, just before i found out i had AS i was moved to a job dealing with way less people in a cube within the warehouse, but now i have to constantly multi-task, i have less meltdowns here, but it only takes on person (its people that start me on the road to a meltdown, everytime), and im acting like a loon, cannot concentrate on even writing, i told my Wife i have AS, she says she understands, but she is still as bossy as before she knew, constantly stops me from doing my little "projects", forces me into social situations for hours on end where i dont know when they will end that i would never go to if i had the choice and still doesnt understand why i cant leave my nightmarish experiences at work (i often meltdown at the slightest provocation from my Wife because of work).

I dont know if im looking for advice, im not sure if anyone can help me, but it would be great just for once, for the first time in my 35 years of life for someone just to understand.

P.S sorry for the rambling post.

If you define a meltdown as your brain turning off and wanting nothing but to be alone and do absolutely nothing due to being too stressed, or getting so mad that you can't even speak properly, then I have meltdowns.

I guess I'd call those "shutdwons" because I don't have emotional outbursts.

Last edited by jetbuilder on 06 Jun 2012, 5:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think I have meltdowns but I do have outbursts. Not sure if there's any difference between the two really. When I have an overload of emotions, I scream and cry and swear, and become abusive, argumentative, and start slapping myself in the face because I get so angry with myself. I usually have these about 3 times a year, because it all builds up (even though I don't have trouble expressing myself and how I feel, anger still seems to build up). My outbursts are like colds. I have one, then become ''immune'' to them for a few months, until my emotional immune system becomes weak and so has to have another angry outburst to build itself up again. If I have 2 in one week, I can go even longer before having another one, maybe 8 months or so. I haven't had one since January, so I know one is going to come soon, since it's June now. I sure hope not.

Oh, and by the way, when I'm having an outburst, I don't want to be left alone. I want people to fuss over me. And no, I don't delibrately do them for attention. They come uncontrollably, but when somebody cuddles me and talks to me about it, it can calm me down. Reassurance can go a long way with me. I remember the last time I had a bit of an outburst, my mum stayed calm the whole time, and it did help me come out of it quicker and then I had more courage to cuddle her and she forgave me, whereas if she had got all stressed out and angry with me, it would have been harder to end the outburst and I would be having guilty feelings for days after, for upsetting my mum.

I've never had anger meltdowns, but can melt down into tears if subjected to sensory overload that I can't escape from. It's a rare occurrence, since for the most part I control the environment around me (and I've made sure that I do, too, by insisting on living alone and having an office to myself at work). I'm more likely to suffer from mutism than anything else if I feel angry, or am in another emotional overload situation. I don't think I've had an uncontrolled outburst of temper since I was a small child.

I think I would have fairly frequent tearful meltdowns or angry mutism if I had to live with another person, however. I just can't imagine how people do it! I've been retreating into my own space literally since I was a toddler – when I was as young as two, my mother would suddenly realise that I'd disappeared, have a moment of panic, and then find me sitting in the next room calmly arranging my dolls. When I was old enough to have my own bedroom I spent all my time in there, and I moved out of my parents' home the moment I got a job after school (not because I didn't get on with them, just because I craved my own living space). Having that space is a hugely powerful motivation that's kept me working through years of severe ill-health that would have made many reduce their hours if not give up work altogether – I can only afford my modest mortgage if I work full-time, so I've gritted my teeth in the face of extreme odds and always managed to come through. Living on my own brings equilibrium, happiness and a deep sense of peace, and I crave these above all else.

This!

I didn't have meltdowns as a child. My meltdowns started in my teens (no one's ever seen my meltdowns, I had and still have them when alone in my room) and they usually start because of anxiety. I'm a person who bottle up all my feelings until I can't take it anymore. Then there's usually one specific event that triggers a meltdown. Last time I got a meltdown because I felt very misunderstood when I talked to my parents. After the conversations I had a meltdown and I let everything out. All the negative feelings and all the anxiety that had been piling up. I go quite insane when I've got them too. I swear, cry, hit things, hit my head, throw things, throw myself on my bed, kick things etc. My meltdowns are quite rare though. I usually don't have them more than once every second month or so. I have anxiety attacks more often though.

I'm not quite sure what the definition of "meltdown" is. Or at least all I have to compare it to personally is my profoundly autistic sister's meltdowns (screaming, hitting herself, stomping, slamming doors, hitting people, etc) Would the difference between meltdowns and just plain old anger be the lack of control? Or the fact that it's triggered by bottled up stress? I don't know...

Anyway, I think I experience shutdowns more (just can't think straight with everything going on at once). I hardly ever get violently angry now. When I was a teenager, I did have bouts of anger that scared even me. Now that I think about it, it could be linked to overload and social anxiety. I hated the social aspect of middle/highschool, lots of sensory overload, and I didn't get along with my mom at all at the time. Now, I can feel the overload coming and usually just leave before it becomes a problem. I also have lots of outlets between playing music, art, and journal writing. I'm also lucky to not have too many triggers at the moment. I get along with my roommates and the other people I regularly associate with and I'm not in a job I hate.

I'm not quite sure what the definition of "meltdown" is. Or at least all I have to compare it to personally is my profoundly autistic sister's meltdowns (screaming, hitting herself, stomping, slamming doors, hitting people, etc) Would the difference between meltdowns and just plain old anger be the lack of control? Or the fact that it's triggered by bottled up stress? I don't know...

Anyway, I think I experience shutdowns more (just can't think straight with everything going on at once). I hardly ever get violently angry now. When I was a teenager, I did have bouts of anger that scared even me. Now that I think about it, it could be linked to overload and social anxiety. I hated the social aspect of middle/highschool, lots of sensory overload, and I didn't get along with my mom at all at the time. Now, I can feel the overload coming and usually just leave before it becomes a problem. I also have lots of outlets between playing music, art, and journal writing. I'm also lucky to not have too many triggers at the moment. I get along with my roommates and the other people I regularly associate with and I'm not in a job I hate.

I don't get them very often, but lately they have been more frequent. Of mine 90% are the shut down and disconnect variety, the other 10% result in property damage mostly.(I almost never lash out at people or animals) this house has a number of scars from these.