Being an Aspie is the worst

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Angel_ryan
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29 Oct 2011, 1:12 am

Panic wrote:

Im 24 now, I stopped using this site becasue so many people here are delusional to what autism and aspergers really is.

I live conscious of what NTs do and normal people, and i see them all progressing in life, making money, socializing, finding love partners having friends, while im stuck in this dark black hole called autism.

no one here seems to understand that they are mentally handicap and cannot live on their own, and out of the 1 in a million people who somehow do manage to catch a break and get a good job, that is all the aspies and clueless people talk about.

My mind is empty, my face is blank, that is my existence.

If I let it get me down all the time than what's the point. I do like to try even though I know I'm handicap in a way. I sort of except it as a part of myself even though it does cause me a lot of pain. I'm also very passionate about trying to educate NT's so that future Aspies won't have the same bad experiences as I have.

TheDoctor82
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29 Oct 2011, 1:15 am

Angel_ryan wrote:

Panic wrote:

I don't waste time trying to "educate" them; I defeat them in their own inconsistencies. My education will be reserved for my own children so they can have a better experience growing up than I did.

Joe90
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29 Oct 2011, 5:25 am

Panic wrote:

I agree with you. I think me and you have the same perspective on Autism, because it seems that most people here seem to enjoy being different, but we're one of the few who still struggle and know it.
I am too self-aware for my own good. I take more notice of the social world more than anything else, and I worry too much of what other people are thinking of me, and I spend my whole time trying not to stand out because I don't like unwanted attention. I am hypersensitive to unwanted attention, and I become embarrassed easily, but yet I'm clueless of how to go out without getting unwanted attention. So it's all a vicious circle. And I think it's cruel of nature for letting someone live this way. It's better if you're either none the wiser of what other people think, or you're just NT with complete knowledge of how to fit in and not be rejected and upset by people all the time. But being inbetween those two lines? It's very difficult.

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MakaylaTheAspie
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29 Oct 2011, 12:35 pm

I guess the idea of autism affects everyone differently. I don't see myself as disabled, more like misunderstood. As long as I know who I am, I don't really care about what is really wrong with me. I feel an increased understanding to how imperfect life can really be.

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Tuttle
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29 Oct 2011, 12:37 pm

Panic wrote:

I live conscious of what NTs do and normal people, and i see them all progressing in life, making money, socializing, finding love partners having friends, while im stuck in this dark black hole called autism.

"Progressing in life"- There are so many definitions of progressing that you can't say that NTs progress and we don't

socializing - I have no interest in socializing. How should I be upset about not doing something I don't want to do?

finding love partners- I have a boyfriend. Being autistic didn't prevent that. I've found most people don't take relationships seriously at 17, just wanting someone, yet I've been in a relationship with the same person since I was 17. Being autistic hasn't hurt me here.

having friends- What most people consider friends are not at all friends by my definitions. I have a harder time making friends than they do, but they don't even bother to make many friends either. I'd rather have a few strong friends anyways.

making money - This is the place where I'm struggling. This does upset me. However this doesn't overwhelm me wanting to be me.

It's not that we don't realize we're disabled, its that we don't want to be "normal", we want to be ourselves. (Or at least, that's true for me)

Pinnygig
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29 Oct 2011, 1:00 pm

To those of you who were diagnosed young, whilst having the huge advantages of that that I missed out on, you didn't get to experience years of trying to fit in and failing, knowing that you were different but not knowing why, not even knowing that all the diverse things that made you different could be connected, believing that you are smart enough to do anything you put your mind to yet failing to form normal relationships or catch a ball or get jokes, afraid to mention your obsessions to anyone because you know it isn't normal behaviour, driving yourself crazy with your own head, feeling like you are a freak of nature AND NOT KNOWING WHY! When you've been through that to suddenly, finally have it all explained with the simple term "Aspergers", it really does feel like a relief and a blessing rather than the curse that so many of you diagnosed-young folks on here seem to think it is. That's the difference I'm seeing anyway. Love who you are, after all there is only one of you

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...EVERATIONPERS...

Your Aspie score: 148 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 55 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

If I'm not Aspie then who the hell is??? :lol:

Joe90
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29 Oct 2011, 3:13 pm

Quote:

It's not that we don't realize we're disabled, its that we don't want to be "normal", we want to be ourselves. (Or at least, that's true for me)

True for you, but not for me. I want to be normal. Getting ridiculed and named and shamed really affects my fragile ego. Like I said before, I am too self-aware for my own good. And telling somebody not to be self-aware is quite an awkward response, so don't write that back.

People say ''you need to be less pessimistic and more confident in yourself'', meaning, in other words, ''you should look on the bright side of things''. OK, so I try to do that, but each time I try, other people give me a negative view. Say, for example, if I said, ''a man asked me out today. I must be pretty'', and people just say, ''no, it's probably because you give off a vulnerable expression in which men think they can use you'', in other words I believe it means, ''so you are ugly really''. So every man who looks at me, instead of being positive and taking it as a compliment, I might aswell just think, ''nah, they're smiling at me because I'm stupid and ugly and they know they can just choose me to take advantage of''.

I can't win!

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League_Girl
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29 Oct 2011, 3:31 pm

Joe90 wrote:

Quote:

It's not that we don't realize we're disabled, its that we don't want to be "normal", we want to be ourselves. (Or at least, that's true for me)

You should just stop telling people the good things and start keeping them to yourself if they are going to keep shooting you down. That's what I started doing in high school.

CockneyRebel
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29 Oct 2011, 3:33 pm

I like being on the spectrum. I see the world in a unique way. I feel free to be the individual that I am. I have an understanding of myself that I wouldn't otherwise have, if I didn't have a Dx. I don't really care about fitting into the NT world, so I don't worry about what other people might be thinking about me. I don't care what people think of me when I'm buying a CD or when somebody might catch me on the Internet. I don't notice what people say about me most of the time, because I have the blinders on, most of the time. I've gotten use to the reality that I'm on the spectrum and I celebrate all the good things about it. I celebrate the inventions that many Aspies have come up with and the writings of Jim Sinclair who have written articles with titles such as, "Don't Mourn For Us."

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SammichEater
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29 Oct 2011, 3:46 pm

I think your primary problem is depression, and not AS. I'm not saying you don't have AS, but what you've described seems very much like depression to me.

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Pinnygig
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29 Oct 2011, 4:10 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:

Again, I wish we had a Thanks button - good post!

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...EVERATIONPERS...

Your Aspie score: 148 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 55 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

If I'm not Aspie then who the hell is??? :lol:

kfisherx
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29 Oct 2011, 8:25 pm

SammichEater wrote:

I think your primary problem is depression, and not AS. I'm not saying you don't have AS, but what you've described seems very much like depression to me.

^^^THIS^^^

You are clueless about ASD if you think your version of it is the only version that exists or the only version that is a disorder. Seek help for your depression. Far worse than ASD symptoms IMHO.

LjosalfrBlot
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29 Oct 2011, 9:02 pm

Panic wrote:

I just want to say that I can completely relate with you. I was a total loser for most of my life, struggling in the real world and I still struggle. I also have more mental issues than just aspergers. I'm 23 and now have my own family (we're all aspies!). I attempted the working world recently, and it went horribly as it always does, but I know (or at least think, maybe) that once I find an occupation that I'm super good at I'll be fine. I may not be perfect, but I'm very happy with my life. In fact, we should be moving into our own house by this December! So if an aspie like me can be happy, I know you can be too.
Although I'll be open about this, without TONS of financial help from outside sources, we would be living on the streets for sure.

melanieeee
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30 Oct 2011, 4:54 am

League_Girl wrote:

Once upon a time, I hated the fact I had Asperger's. I wanted to be normal and I felt it was making my life miserable. So Mom would tell me I could have something worse like I could be crippled or be like my old friend who has Down's Syndrome or be like my aunt Karen who has Schizophrenia so Asperger's is better and also the fact it could be worse if I had it very badly so having very little of it is better.

But I am just happy with who I am even if I feel down sometimes about myself. I just accept my anxiety and learning difficulties too and not whine about it and be all miserable about having them. I have no reason to hate having AS since I am happy with my life, I'm married and I have a job and I don't live with my parents. My husband accepts me for who I am and is very flexible so nothing about me makes him miserable. Sure there are things he doesn't like about me but there are things I don't like about him but I think everyone has things about themselves people don't like and it's impossible to have a partner and not have things about him or her you don't like. Besides socializing and friendships are over rated.

im have never been in a relationship, im unemployed and i do not have many friends. where can i see the positive side in that? im 22.

Burzum
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30 Oct 2011, 5:32 am

Panic wrote:

no one here seems to understand that they are mentally handicap and cannot live on their own

I'm not mentally handicapped, and I'm quite capable of living on my own, if not more-so than NTs as I save my money very well and don't squander it on useless s**t. You might think you're worthless, but don't try to tell others that they're worthless as well.

Pinnygig
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30 Oct 2011, 9:32 am

melanieeee wrote:

im have never been in a relationship, im unemployed and i do not have many friends. where can i see the positive side in that? im 22.

You say you don't have many friends, that means you have at least one. You only need one good friend in this world; any more than two good friends and I don't think you truly understand the word "friend".

Just because you don't have a job doesn't mean you don't have skills! Discover what your skills are and be proud of them. I'm ten years older than you and I've never been in a relationship. I'm fine, I know who I am. Not many guys could cope with that, but if I find one who can and who reciprocates my affection then great. If not, hey-ho it's their loss. I'm ok. I bet you have a boyfriend before you're my age - you see I'm very stuck in my ways, old-fashioned to a fault, and I have my own self-image issues, which don't help, but I'm dealing with them. Slowly. Smile, be proud of who you are. It could be worse

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...EVERATIONPERS...

Your Aspie score: 148 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 55 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

If I'm not Aspie then who the hell is??? :lol:

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