More sensitive to rejection than NTs?

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readingbetweenlines
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04 Nov 2011, 4:10 am

thechadmaster wrote:
I try to tell myself i dont fear rejection, but my subconcious knows im full of crap


Perfectly expressed. There are sensitive and insensitive people in all groups so I'm not sure there's a difference between how a sensitive, or oversensitive person reacts to rejection whether they're NT or AS.

Something in your nature may cause you to face more rejection than others, but I would guess repeated bad experiences will weigh more strongly (in the way that repeated positive experiences might compensate for any natural disadvantage).

I don't know what the OP means by rejection though. Is it rejection in general or getting knocked back by someone you want to be involved romantically?I think the latter one just has to put up with. If someone doesn't want you as their partner they don't want you, end of story. Repeated rejection by parents or just casual strangers and acquaintances, that is just awful.


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04 Nov 2011, 4:19 am

There have been times when I was driven to physical illness because of rejection.


To answer another way of interpreting the question ~ I am not always sensitive enough to others' insinuations and/or [maybe?] body language, to understand when someone is rejecting me.

That might be the reason some of the rejections I experienced were so fnickin brutal. Because that's what it takes to get through to me. Just tell me, dammit! :roll:


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Ai_Ling
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04 Nov 2011, 4:34 am

I'm very sensitive to it its because I've been rejected many times before. I've especially sensitive to people thinking negative things about be me. The worse part of it, is when people think Im acting a certain way where Im asking for it. NT's if their rejected here and there, they can more easily brush if off because they'll be able to go somewhere else where there accepted.



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04 Nov 2011, 6:40 pm

alexi wrote:
I think that I am less sensitive to rejection than most NTs. Even in school I didn't care much what others thought of me, so their rejection didn't mean much to me. I'm a very solitary person though. I'm the type of Aspie who has never felt the need to work hard for inclusion. I would imagine it would be extremely upsetting for Aspies who do want friendships though- And I'm not really sure that it would mean you were "more" sensitive, as perhaps it is pretty unlikely that most NTs would experience such frequent and total rejection. I think the level of upset would be quite understandable.


This is an excellent point. Rejection didn't matter to me at all until I entered the work world, and social relationships became key to professional success.



CockneyRebel
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04 Nov 2011, 9:25 pm

I'm very sensitive to rejection and that's why I'm careful about who I trust online and in real life. I used to try to be friends with everybody who came into my life as a child and I always got rejected. I pick and choose my friends for that very reason.


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04 Nov 2011, 10:21 pm

I am extremely sensitive to rejection, *if* I managed to form a connection with someone. It tears me up when they sever that connection and I have nothing to say about it. It has made me want to not connect with anyone. If I hardly know someone or if I know them and I haven't formed a connection with them, it doesn't really bother me.

I don't form deep connections with other people easily or often, and when I do it's so precious to me that it almost physically hurts to lose it.

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CaptainTrips222
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08 Nov 2011, 9:04 pm

readingbetweenlines wrote:
Is it rejection in general or getting knocked back by someone you want to be involved romantically?


Rejection in general. For example.....

* Having people ignore and dislike you everywhere you go, while the ones that DO like you can't for the life of them figure out why the others don't.

* Being the only person not invited to someone's party.

* Meeting a teacher that dislikes you so strongly they won't even be civil to you, even though you're not doing anything unusual.

* Having coworkers never say hi or bye. Basically act like you're invisible.

* Coworkers buddying up to newer employees almost as if they knew them all their life, while they didn't even make an effort with you from day one.

* Watching the grocery clerk chat up the guy in front of you with gusto, then barely saying hi when he or she rings you up.

* Seeing a bar tender who has seen you for half a year, and who only takes the time to serve you go out of her way to chat with your friends who she saw for the time.

I suspect STRONGLY it's the way I look. I'm biracial and of indeterminate ethnicity, have a serious facial structure (I refuse to say it's an *expression* since I can't change it) and sometimes people dislike me on sight, so there's no damned way it's some aspie weirdness or whatever.

So anyway, does that clarity things? Yes, THAT kind of rejection. Not the romantic kind.



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09 Nov 2011, 8:34 am

I think that while aspies are more sensitive to rejection than Nt's that isnt the whole picture. Its more the fact that we are rejected more than NT's. This leads to sensitivity to rejection.



NorwichAspie
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09 Nov 2011, 8:34 am

I think that while aspies are more sensitive to rejection than Nt's that isnt the whole picture. Its more the fact that we are rejected more than NT's. This leads to sensitivity to rejection.



readingbetweenlines
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09 Nov 2011, 11:43 am

"So anyway, does that clarity things? Yes, THAT kind of rejection. Not the romantic kind."

CaptainTrips222, yes, strangely, it does! Hearing you loud and clear now. I think I also said that casual rejection by strangers is awful.

I have almost certainly rejected people in the way you describe - which makes me awful too- ( I would call it, taking an instant and instinctive dislike to certain people). I have got up from my seat on the train and moved to a different carriage after being joined by someone I felt uncomfortable with despite the fact I did not know the person. 

People give off vibes, and I tend to act on these, rightly or wrongly. This was almost certainly never due to the other person being autistic/having AS as I don't think that's so obvious. 

You are bringing race/ethnicity into it, and that's a difficult subject. If your looks are very striking, or your facial features are on some ways alarming then it might put some people off. As I said, that's a ver difficult area as all sorts of things play into that, stereotypes, what we are raised to find beautiful, and conscious and subconscious beliefs we hold about Otherness. 


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