NT social interaction thought process

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I asked an NT once what goes through his mind when socializing, he says the social thoughts pop up like wildfire without effort

Around friends I don't have any conscious decisions about matters of taste or whether it's ok for me to talk to them or not, but I still have conscious thoughts about evaluating the end of the conversation (if in a group) and what I will say when I'm sure it's over. Often I get it wrong and start speaking only to realise I'm interrupting and apologise and invite the speaker to continue. Another one that persists around friends is whether or not I'll be able to start a conversation about something I find interesting or whether they've gone irretrievably into Talk About Online Games All Night mode.

Oh, I've been played. I was pretty naive at one time. In many cases it has much to do with experience and little to do with the emotive side or "empathy/oxytocin."

It takes 'experience' to test or find a glitch in the continuity of these lines in human interaction. It is imperfect and it is progressively developed, though still fallible.

I think you are driving an oxytocin point on 'wanting to believe it' because it feels good and, that's where the sucker punch lies, as in beclouding critical thinking skills? Remove the oxytocin effects and in the absence of this beclouding drug now allows a truer perception on the matter?
Possibly:
We know some folks like to feel good, and anything that plays that up, will /can sucker them for more. Look at all the money dumped into the cult like church leaders or to the ostentatious "preachers." Ultimately they are letting themselves be sold into something out of fear of the unknown, by a "beautiful personality" a "capable speaker," or a strongly entrenched institution, and hence are hedging their superstitious bets.

It's not just "feeling good". In my experiments with oxytocin I felt good about some people and hostile to others without any apparent reason for it. I've also seen people get manipulated many times. I'm not sure how it is a person could pass the chemical test with acting but not pass a simple autistic visual test, and yet by deduction that must occur.

I know that NTs interact subconsciously. It's like the right thing comes out without even thinking beforehand (well, most of the time). Wow, how much I would LOVE to be like that!

But with strangers, some of it is pre-thought, but they still seem to find the right thing to say and it comes out the way they want (well sometimes they make mistakes but not enough to spoil the relationship and get misjudged as ''weird''). But NTs don't just go upto strangers and start a full-blown friendship within 5 minutes of meeting the person. Some extrovert NTs who have that really good social knack and have that charm about them what draws people's attention and give off ''I'm awesome'' vibes to people could build up relationships quicker when first meeting people, but they more so become part of a crowd or a clique, or have a very wide circle of friends. But not all NTs are the same. When I went on a 6-week computer course, there was all NTs in the group but nobody really spoke to eachother, only said a few words and maybe small talk, and that was it. No friendships built up, until 3 or 4 days after the first day, when people got to know who was who and were helping eachother more, becoming friends that way. But I doubt they all see eachother now. I see one of them on the bus and he chats to me, but he doesn't see the others. He doesn't even know what they're doing, and he chatted the most to everybody when we were still on the course.

I urge you to stop seeing NT smalltalk as 'correct'. They don't think about it, it's just heuristic patterns that go wrong when dealing with anyone much different from them. It's one way of doing it. If you don't recognise that it's only one way of doing it, how do you expect them to?

Also, you WILL be able to have effortless flowing conversations with any NT who isn't using the usual heuristics but is faking it to blend in (lots of people do this, not just us). Seek them out, they function as bridges and you'll feel better. And they'll like you a lot when they realise they don't have to act with you.