How would you react to being asked if you are autistic?

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It's much better if you can somehow get the conversation round to the topic, rather than asking directly. The person may not have a clue that they come across that way. You may be best to discuss yourself - open up to them and they may open up to you. If they don't respond with a similar story, either they don't have it or aren't diagnosed or may suspect they have it, but are too embarrassed to appear to self-diagnose.

I was speaking to a mum at a leisure centre and I suspected one of her boys had autism. I asked what school her kids went to and she told me that one was in an autism base, but doesn't have a diagnosis - so I got my answer without even asking. I wasn't being nosey, I just wanted to talk, as usual. So, then the conversation opened up to a discussion about our kids and we have much more in common than I realised. It looks like I've made a friend too. Had I just asked if he had autism, I doubt we would have had the same rapport.

The idea that someone asking on forums for the autistic spectrum who is open about being autistic and about not being able to read facial expressions suddenly can is somewhat silly.
(I think this idea came from the reading the eye's test - which was multiple choice so it wasn't really a good test, but more importantly, I can score almost average on static pictures and recognizing large-scale emotions, but as soon as it goes to even a video not to mention an in person situation I suddenly can only tell the different between positive and negative emotions, and no subtle emotions at all.)


For more information.

-The social group is not specifically an autism group - it is however a very spectrumite dense group. It's based around the sci-fi/gaming club on campus and for the members who are regularly there, there has generally been as many if not more at least self-diagnosed autistic people as there are NTs.

-I am open enough about my diagnosis that most of the people who might be around know about it. He in particular is one of the people least likely to know.

-I don't want to get into a long conversation about ASDs. I'd need to be particularly comfortable to be able to do that in person. Even though I have no issues speaking (usually), its far more comfortable to communicate via text to the point where I regularly am typing to people in the same room as me.

-While he probably hasn't seen things like the blog posts am putting up, he definitely has seen me withdrawing in public and wearing earplugs. However, I have no idea if this was noticed or assumed to be anything important.

-Most of what I was to be able to do is give him coping skills I've found that I'm not sure if he's found and maybe get the same in response.

-In particular I'm wanting to say "I noticed that you react in ways that seem to fit with the spectrum while in these situations, have you tried these coping skills to help you from feeling like you're losing control", but without making him feel guilty about it.

-To go with the last bit, I want to ask in a way that is open about myself being on the spectrum, but not actively talk about myself. This is both because of just being that shy and because of particular people in the social group who are central and people who I want nothing to do with and who I don't want anything I say (beyond just the idea that am autistic) to get back to.


However, I'll try to come up with a way to not ask directly. That's really difficult for me even in text, but even more so I don't want to possibly hurt someone.

It all depends on the tone and attitude of the one asking. If sincere, I'd be very open about it. If the question came in a judgmental tone from someone riding me about some sort of mistake or clumsiness, I'd probably not volunteer anything concrete.

Charles

Okay, why are you so determined to tell this guy he is autistic? What is your motivation?

i would run home and throw away all the tomato sauce bottles.
then i would write a book about caring for the toenails of seagulls before i move to greece and bang the head of police on his head with a hammer that is made of coppper.

or maybe i would react in a different manner. i really can not say sorry

My best guess is ..."crush".

Nobody has ever, ever asked me if I am autistic or ever deliberately raised the topic in any form with me (except the mental health care team who diagnosed me). Just once, somebody started talking about a big news story about autism, turned bright red and changed the subject abruptly.

A lot of people have told my wife that they knew I was on the spectrum, or just like someone else they know on the spectrum.

I really wish people did say it, because I know they think it.

Guilt.

I saw people start telling him to not talk about the books he was interested in (in response to others talking about books they were interested in), while we were already in a irritatingly loud restaurant (I had earplugs in personally). It led to him being very visibly trying not to freak out, scratching his body and on and off pacing, leading to him slamming down his hands on the table in frustration. Despite this nobody, included me, reacted except one person eventually after all of that asking 'are you okay?'. I really felt like I should say something because I was in the quietest corner, earplugs in, playing with silly putty in one hand to keep myself calm, and he didn't seem to have any idea of how to cope. However, I didn't say anything (because I had no idea what to say or how to say it), and nobody else even said a thing after he'd calmed down.

So, I felt incredibly guilty for not reacting, more guilty because I had additional tools that helped me cope with me that I could have handed over, and even more guilty because the group looked unaccepting while its actually the group that did a lot for me and a group that has a huge autistic group in it.

Last edited by Tuttle on 12 Nov 2011, 1:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Can you please stop trying to make claims about people you don't know in situations you don't know about? It's incredibly frustrating.

I am sympathetic to the whole story, but I'm not sure I would have said much more than "are you okay?". It sounds like a very uncomfortable environment, I'm surprised it was chosen. I don't think you should feel guilty, there is not much you can do here. I think if you said anything like "are you an aspie?" It might make them very uncomfortable.

Denial is the most predictable of all human responses.

I'd probably be offended.

That sounds puzzling to me too, because it's obvious she wasn't there to talk with friends (At least not at the moment) and the noisiness and its likely crowdedness doesn't sound particularly aspie-friendly.

I know I still wonder if that's what it could have been, but I'm too scared to ask, besides he buggered off and forgot about wanting to hang with me anyways.

Then don't even worry about it. It doesn't matter.

I'd say, ''whoa, you're one hell of a psychic!''