questions from Kathy Hoopmann

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A couple of things:

* We do have strengths! Many people seem to think autism/AS is all deficits, but it's not.
* Autism/AS doesn't have to mean lack of creativity. I can't speak for other autistics, but I'm creatively gifted and hoping to become a published fantasy author.
* Organizational skills are skills like any other, and people can be good or bad at them. My disorganization is not irresponsibility, laziness or lack of confidence, and can't be changed by simply changing my attitude. It's a genuine lack of ability. I'm working on it, but this will always be a weakness for me.
* Autism/AS doesn't mean being bad at every kind of social skills. Though I have trouble reading NT facial expressions and keeping track of complex social organization, other areas of social skills (knowing what to say to a depressed person, relating to people with severe communication/cognitive disabilities, understanding animals) are actually strengths for me. I'd like to be a psychologist, and I'm not in denial when I say that I'd be good at it.



Problem? My sensitivity to sound causes me a great deal of suffering in crowds, when my brother is making annoying noises, with certain mechanical sounds, when my mother really wants to listen to loud music to help her do housework, etc. My taste/texture sensitivities limit what I can eat, and since I have a tendency towards low blood sugar this can be a serious issue at times. My touch sensitivity makes shopping for clothes an ordeal, as most clothes are intolerable for me and trying on clothes gets me overloaded very easily. Poor proprioception is the reason I have a scar on my right arm, and along with bullying caused a phobia of physical activities. My visual processing issues make it really hard for me to search for lost stuff, and also makes it harder for me to clean up my disorganized mess of a room.

However, I suspect my tactile sensitivities also heighten my enjoyment of soft textures, and my visual processing weirdness causes me to really enjoy shiny things. Those are the only benefits I've seen so far.



Yes, definitely.

And I know exactly what helps - having disabled friends. At my old university I had two friends with CP. At my current university I haven't managed to make any friends, sadly, and I'm back to feeling alone. Normal friends don't cut it, because they don't understand disability and it's a constant effort to be their friend (note I didn't say NT because physical disability is enough to give us common ground).



It's not the end of the world. It's not a constant tragedy. It's just part of my life. Disabilities are seen by the general public as way worse than they really are. Not all disabled people even see their disability as a bad thing. And those who do, generally it isn't their primary concern in life. If you're a parent and your child has been diagnosed with autism/AS, don't panic. It's not some kind of nightmare, and you don't need to rescue your child from it. You just need to adjust things somewhat, that's all.

[quote="You (well, at least I) don't notice you're different. You simply go around your day, doing things, normally. OTHERS point out, repeatedly, how strange, weird, creepy, etc. you are. Some people give you a hard time because of it, others smile at you and patronize you. (And yes, some accept you, but most of give you some form of a hard time because of it). And you don't get it. You were just doing things normally. .[/quote]

This really resonated with me. We all are who we are. I am not an Aspie, yet I too get surprised when people see me differently from who I am inside. I wonder, why did that person think that of me? How could they have got me so wrong? Do I need to change or is the problem with the other person? I can only imagine how much harder it is for Aspies to have to deal with this day after day after day.
I have included a page in my new book that says" Do you understand how hard it is for us to understand and to adapt to the ‘normal’ world 100% of the time?" then the next page continues, "Try seeing things from our perspective occasionally.'
Hopefully those words capture this issue.

This really resonated with me. We all are who we are. I am not an Aspie, yet I too get surprised when people see me differently from who I am inside. I wonder, why did that person think that of me? How could they have got me so wrong? Do I need to change or is the problem with the other person? I can only imagine how much harder it is for Aspies to have to deal with this day after day after day.
I have included a page in my new book that says" Do you understand how hard it is for us to understand and to adapt to the ‘normal’ world 100% of the time?" then the next page continues, "Try seeing things from our perspective occasionally.'
Hopefully those words capture this issue.

Strengths: I focus on the details of the Big Picture. Not just a handful, but all of the details so as to better perceive and understand the Big Picture.

Weaknesses: I feel unappreciated and left out, especially in the light of my contributions.


Problem: I need a quiet, dimly lit, and stink-free working environment. Without this type of environment, my concentration suffers, as does the quality of my work.

Strength: This type of work environment seems to benefit everybody, in both the short- and long-term. With fewer distractions, more work gets done with greater accuracy. This benefits the spreadsheet, in that the more efficient everybody's work is, the more satisfaction is felt by our customers. Satisfied customers come back and pay more for more work.


I've felt alienated from others since the first week of kindergarten, back in 1962. It would help if people would remember that I am a human being, with feelings, and that their friendship inspires me to greater effort.


I am not a "ret*d", a "spaz", or a "creep". I am a human being who feels no emotional connection with most people, yet who can be fiercely loyal to those who treat me as a friend.

• I'm tired of pretending to like people who are mean, ignorant, or superficial just so that I can keep my job.
  
• It would help tremendously if my questions were answered in regard to their literal meaning, instead of being perceived as disrespectful or accusatory.
  
• My interests may be strange to you, but it is strange to me why anyone would be interested in over-paid, pampered, and self-centered celebrities and athletes. I do not care about the World Series, the Super Bowl, or the Finals. I could not care less about which actress is in rehab, who the fathers of her children are, and who's clothing line they are wearing.
  
• Please do not project your worst fears upon me. Please do not assume that my lack of concern for your emotional turmoil indicates any joy on my part for your suffering. It is not so much that I do not care, as it is that I see no point in expressing one's feelings about a problem when the same amount of effort could be expended in actually solving the problem.
  
• I am not here for your amusement; nor am I here for you to have a scapegoat for your screw-ups.
  
• Just because I stutter, stammer, and fail to maintain eye contact while trying to explain myself, it does not mean that I'm trying to be evasive or tell a lie. It means only that I am feeling anxious and stressed-out about the interrogation that you're putting me through.

I hope this helps.

Writer's Block gotcha again, huh?

not really. I just want to make sure that what I write is correct.

I don't think this fits into the parameters of your question, but an observation as a reader of several of your books:

All autistic people are different, and the differences are not necessarily as obvious as one might think. For instance, your character Ben is similar in many ways to many kids I know with Aspergers, but there is a lot more variety to the spectrum than this one character shows. This is most striking when you attend a social skills class with a group of kids on the spectrum. Some kids, like my son, don't show any visual signs of autism at all, but struggle mightily with rigidity and emotional regulation. Other kids are calmer and more flexible, but won't look you in the eye and may have a visibly different physicality.

Most often, when I'm discussing my son's diagnosis with caregivers or parents who don't know him well, I get "Oh, but he's very high-functioning." Lately, I'm responding "Well, except when he isn't," which doesn't accurately describe the kid that we had to take to the ER last year. People who aren't living with someone who has autism have all kinds of weird ideas about "function" and what it means and doesn't mean.

It really bothers me that there seems to be some kind of ableist hierarchy where my son can "pass," which unfortunately doesn't serve either him (his ability is constantly overestimated) or the autistic community (for which the opposite is often true.) Every person has a collection of abilities and challenges, and we are best served by showcasing and supporting their abilities, and by teaching and helping them to overcome their challenges - all this focus on the degree of either seems more than a little silly to me. I think this is similar to what SuperTrouper is trying to say.

If I try to suggest that I might be autistic as well, I get "Oh, no - you're fine!" As if my ability to walk and talk and appear like it comes naturally makes up for the fact that I often have to spend days in bed recovering. Some of the disabling aspects of autism might be hidden, but it doesn't make them less real.

nothing. they will either see them or fail to without me bugling a verbal translation of my actions.
i do not really care if others see what i am good at or what i am poor at.

my bosses for my IT jobs know that i know what i am talking about despite how oddly i may say it.
they give deference to me and make allowances for me that they would not make for someone who behaves like i do, but is not as productive as i am.
they may not understand where i am" coming from" (as they say), but they do not question or interfere with my decisions.

my customers for my frozen fries business know that i can organize well the acquisition of products for them that are exceptionally hygienic and fresh and tasty and cheap. i can compete successfully with my competition. they know that i will react in an exaggerated manner if they are delivered substandard products, because they have experienced me going beserk at suppliers and getting problems sorted out rapidly. they know i will not charge them for products that they think are substandard (which is very rare), and they see me as odd but honest and capable.

my drivers (i have 2), see me as a good problem solver (i think of labor and time saving methods that make their day easier (but do not make me more money)).
they respect me because even though when they first met me, and their eyebrows raised all the way over their heads to the back of their necks, they are always fully paid, and if anything at all goes wrong i will solve it in a way that both expedites the completion of the delivery run, and mitigates the inconvenience to the driver.

i do not do this through any social skill, i just look up the service i need to contact and i ring them and i describe in a sterile way what i want, and i continue phoning alternatives until i find a solution.

bosses, customers and drivers have all been "forced" into association with me. they like me because they have known me for a long time.

most people are liked by other people immediately, and they are invited to associate with others in a social way as a result of first impressions.

first impressions that people have of me are that i am busily calculating nonsense in my mind, and i am completely unaware of anything that "matters" to "with it" people.

i am never indoctrinated into a group of people due to first impressions.

i was recommended to my bosses by other people who were satisfied with my services, and that is why they "gave me a go", and now they can not let me go.

my customers became my customers because i bought them. i bought the frozen chip run and it came with 26 customers (fish and chip shops, restaurants, cafes and pubs). they had no choice but to deal with me because i had the cheapest and best chips (which was an unaltered continuation of what they were satisfied with before i bought the run).

they mostly all looked at me like i was an idiot when i first met them, and many of them are rather coarse of character (hockers up of phlegm, and spitters out of it, and they say "f****n" instead of "um" or "err" (even though they still use "um" and "ahh" often anyway)).

now they like me and ask me lots of questions, and they respect me because they know i am not stupid, and i can find my way to solve problems.

my drivers were hired by me (one of them is my fiend (a complicating factor which i will not expand upon at this point)). they wanted a job desperately. i went through 6 drivers before i settled on a main driver, and my fiend does saturday.

except for my fiend (i can never remember that the letter "r" exists when i am referring to my "fiend"), i am considered a very good boss , even though i do not know my main driver's surname, or where he lives, or whether he is married and has children.

he can hardly speak a word of english (he is italian), and he trusts that i will provide him with secure employment indefinitely, and he enjoys the "work out". he is a model employee.
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but all these people were either bought by me, or forced into interaction with me, and so they have learned over time that i do have a methodical capacity underlying my superficial flippancy, but
people who only encounter me in a "lay" situation do not give me credit for being of even average intelligence because i am so out of touch with current mindsets and fads.

i do not care. my bosses pay me, and my customers pay me, and i pay the drivers (less than the profit obviously) so i do not have to do the toil to deliver to the customers. i am quite happy indeed, and if someone thinks i am an idiot, i let them keep that thought because it is worthless, and it has no place in my mind.



you ask in what way sensory issues are a problem/strength without asking what my sensory issues are? interesting.

my particular sensory issues elicit "agitation" and a sort of "compressed impatience" from my mind.
i become increasingly "impatient" when i am in the vicinity of things that trap my mind in a sensory way.

"spinning" things seem to suck my mind into a black hole of gravitational compulsion to become somehow integrated with what i see. i can not make out what i am looking at because it is spinning rapidly, and then my mind starts to spin so can get a stable view of what i am looking at, and when i look away from the spinning object after i have a stable fix on it, i feel like the whole world is spinning backwards at the same rate as the blades were spinning forward.
i hate when spinning things come into my view because no matter what i am thinking, i will always be distracted by whatever is spinning.




people have never rejected me, so i do not feel alienated.
i have never sought their approval or company so i do not care anyway.


no. unless the world has asperger syndrome, it will be impossible to precisely convey how i think and feel.
but if the world was full of asperger syndrome people, i would be equally not understood because every one lives in their own mental compartments everywhere.

momsparky, yes, that's similar to what I was saying.

I find myself a bit lost and forgotten, I suppose. I'm definitely not mild, and I'm definitely not severe... so, what else is there but moderate? I'm not mild enough to "pass" (and I'm not saying that passing is some goal to be attained, only that it is a fact that I don't/can't really fit in with a group of typical people, or even people with AS/HFA)... but I'm not severe enough to really stand out as a person with disability, either. What happens is that people frequently label me a jerk or a brat. I do things like scream and swat at my mom in public when I'm overstimulated. I'm almost 24, and she's significantly smaller than me. How does this look? Brat. Or, I either interrupt or walk off in the middle of conversations... but I don't look "different" at first glance, so people just think I'm a jerk.

No one really addresses people like me. There is little writing, information, or resources. I work to change that with my blog and books, but it's slow going.

Thank you everyone. Your feedback is invaluable.

Hi again everyone. At last I can tell you that all your advice and wisdom has been incorporated into my new book titled "Inside Asperger's Looking Out" which is due out on September 15, 2012. Here is a link http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/book/9781849053341
Thank you all so much for your input!

2) In what way are sensory issues a problem/strength for you?

I'm very sensitive to noise. I can't stand most of the noises people make. I hear everything louder than a normal person and when noises go on, I become agressive and desperate and just want to crawl in a dark silent hole somewhere.

3) Do you feel alienated from others? If so, in what way and what could make things better for you?

Yes. Like a glass wall between me and other people. I don't think anything can be done about that, it's just a part of the syndrome.

4) Is there anything about having Asperger’s (good or bad) that you would like the world to know?

That it's real, and not imagined.

Yay! Thank you!

Your AspieCats book is still one of my favorites even though I was diagnosed as an adult. Its something an Aspie can give an NT and just say "Here this will help us begin a conversation".

Thank you for that and congrats on this new one!