Have you ever tried to be extroverted and ended up depressed

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jackbus01
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17 Nov 2011, 1:10 pm

I am disturbed by the tone of your post. There seems to be a strange idea out that the introversion is bad.
There is nothing wrong with being an introvert!
Introversion/Extroversion is an pervasive personality trait, and you since seem to be drained by being around a lot of people, then you are most likely an introvert.
So do yourself a favor and stop trying to be something you are not. I think you will be a happier person that way. I am not suggesting becoming completely socially isolated because that is not helpful either.



Ollytheaspie
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17 Nov 2011, 1:58 pm

Yeah and I just felt mentally exhausted all the time, I can remember being very social putting on a front and shutting down eventually because it was so tiring analysing and processing everything and thinking of things to say at the same time. I keep trying to be extrovert but it isn't me, as much as I want to be that person I can't seem to cope in social situations for no longer than 1 hour lol, I feel like pulling my hair out and just going home and chilling out for hours on end.



Ann2011
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17 Nov 2011, 2:05 pm

I tried to be an extrovert for many years. This was before I knew I had autism and thought that I could will myself to be NT. I've been depressed for as many years ... I guess because of the frustration of trying to be something I'm not.
Now that I know I know I have ASD I don't feel I have to pretend anymore. I'm trying to get better at trusting myself to be my normal and not try to emulate something I don't understand.



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17 Nov 2011, 2:10 pm

Since I have started going to college I have been alone. Initially I made some serious effort to make new friends but I too, got some sense of people being alienated by me. The more I thought about it the worse this feeling became and anymore I am so paranoid about it that I can hardly stand leaving my apartment.

I have also noticed, since living alone and being alone all the time, that my ability to be around people and general aspects of socializing have seriously declined. The other weekend I went and visited my friend for his gf's birthday and suddenly found myself surrounded by people, by the third day I felt completely braindead. Like I was trapped in a daydream and incapable of paying any attention to anything going on around me (moreso than usual).


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AdamDZ
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17 Nov 2011, 2:53 pm

There was a time several years ago when I was trying to fit in and be more normal, social person. I didn't know that I might have AS back then, I still don't know for sure (waiting for an appointment). I tried to go out with people from work, go to bars, clubs and happy hours. It was a torture most of the time, it'd burn me out and I decided it wasn't worth it and I went back to being a loaner.



Last edited by AdamDZ on 17 Nov 2011, 3:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Phonic
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17 Nov 2011, 3:10 pm

On the days I try to be extroverted I inevitably make myself sick with the incessant prattle of small talk, light subject matter and superficiality, when I can no longer bare and am presented with some sort of extroverted bulls**t like "How are you" I will often reply unkindly, knowing they do not genuinely care and are just doing a song and dance they learned at age 2. Some of my favorite replies are "I just got taken off suicide watch, how are you!" in faux friendliness or alternitively I do not reply at all.


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AdamDZ
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17 Nov 2011, 3:39 pm

Phonic wrote:
On the days I try to be extroverted I inevitably make myself sick with the incessant prattle of small talk, light subject matter and superficiality, when I can no longer bare and am presented with some sort of extroverted bulls**t like "How are you" I will often reply unkindly, knowing they do not genuinely care and are just doing a song and dance they learned at age 2. Some of my favorite replies are "I just got taken off suicide watch, how are you!" in faux friendliness or alternitively I do not reply at all.


Yeah, I feel like telling people to go and **** themselves most of the time when they ask me "How are you?". Sometimes I'd just mutter "OK", sometimes say "I feel like s**t. How are you?"



Joe90
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17 Nov 2011, 3:42 pm

It does nobody any harm trying to make a little effort with things, but completely trying to be something you're not doesn't work at all. If you haven't got the extroverted trait in you then you are not going to be extroverted, otherwise you will just end up making a fool of yourself, or tiring yourself out. I'm not saying an introverted person (NT, Aspie, or miscellaneous) will never, ever become extroverted. These sorts of things take time, and you may be introverted as a child and become more of a confident extrovert as an adult, but I'm just saying if you know you are introverted and find doing extrovert things tire you out, then obviously you haven't become extrovert over night.


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17 Nov 2011, 3:52 pm

To think about it yes, I tried to be extroverted and the following semester I wanted out with the people I was hanging out with. To think about it, anybody that has just thought my problems were shyness is wrong! This proved it.

See socializing is work for aspies, and I hate when people like my mom try to normalize it saying well socializing is work for introverts. True to an extent. But socializing is work for introverts as more of a matter of say "doing your HW" vs aspies socializing is like trying to "trying really hard to do the HW but having a billion mistakes with the HW" in result.



TheWingman
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17 Nov 2011, 4:12 pm

Being extraverted and "cool" has been the struggle of my life. It all began by feeling feelings for girls but without receiving any attention. Then I figured out I should be cool because if I find the one I like, I will know how to get her. SO I learned the hard way, i went thought lots of sufferings and humiliations, depressions etc to learn how to be social. I scarified all my life for that. I can rely to what you say about school. I was doing bad at school because I used all my ressources trying to be somebady I was not. Being myself was the wort thing which could happened to me, I meant having no friends and getting no attention. That's what I thought. Now I'm 28 I can pretend to have social skills but people quickly find out that there is something wrong with me, I play to much out of key, my personality is not hamonious. It like I cut it with a knife. I did plastic surgery on my personality. It's now so f****d up I don't know who I am, and nobody knows. I never had a girlfriend, I never had real friends. I never met anyone as miserable as me. If you want and advice: be yourself be kind to yourself, be patient, let good things happen to you and enjoy them. Focus on what you have to do.



ActingUpAgain
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18 Nov 2011, 11:05 am

This was me at age 18. I wanted to go away to college, stretch and find new friends. Then I actually got there, and didn't really know how to do it. As a result, I got more reclusive, gained about 40 pounds, and wound up leaving that school after toughing it out for 3 semesters. I eventually went to a local college and got my degree.

In retrospect, and not knowing my "condition", I simply tried too hard, and had no idea how to be extroverted - it just sounded like the thing to do. Knowing what I know now, if I had it to do all over, I would have not thrust myself into that situation. I've since found my niche and figured out how to slowly open up, but when thrust into unfamiliar situations without warning I tend to calm up still.



peaceloveerin
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18 Nov 2011, 5:42 pm

I honestly don't understand how you could be an extrovert and end up more depressed. It seems as if introverts are more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression. :?



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18 Nov 2011, 5:51 pm

I tried that so I could work in retail, but it left me exhausted, and even lowered my immune system to where I had several colds that year. Since this was a seasonal retail job that didn't have such a thing a sick days, I frequently went in to work sick because I was worried I'd be fired if I didn't. In the end, I was relieved when I was laid off at the end of the season, since I didn't have to try so hard to be something I'm not.



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18 Nov 2011, 7:40 pm

I have episodes like those maybe once or twice / year. I feel really lonely and I want to be social and have friends and all that, so I volunteer at festivals, go to conventions and things like these. First days or so I feel awesome, I make good eye contact and can be quite talkative, but after a few days or maybe one day the relationship with those around me gets strained, either I don't act comfortable around them any more or I get exhausted from always trying to hard to talk and be "normal" and I tend to go of by myself. But mostly it's the conversation that doesn't come freely any more.

When the easiest questions are done with like, "What's your name?", "Why are you here?", "Where are you from?" and everything else I lose the small control I've been having over the conversations. I simply don't know what to talk about...the weather? Politics? So I start keeping to myself and soon everyone thinks I'm odd and leave me alone.

And I end up feeling drained of everything, depressed and lonely again.



CambridgeMAsspie
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18 Nov 2011, 8:09 pm

Oh, goodness, don't do that. I've made that mistake! Often at the encouragement of well-meaning people suggesting that I "move out of my comfort zone." You will get depressed/exhausted.

Just be yourself.



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18 Nov 2011, 8:57 pm

My rescent attempts of getting back into role play gaming both ended up in disasters.

One group I got kicked out of because I said different langauges remind of different animal sounds. I visualize animals, flags, wars, and actors from that country's place of origin. The as*holes I was gaming with said I was racist for thinking like that. :roll:

The other group I belonged to was alright to they let some self important as*hole join the group. When anyone moved their miniature he would roll his eyes and complain about their character's move. I could not stand it. The guy running the game would b***h at him for doing it to other people but kept quiet when he did it to me so I decided to kick his ass. So I decided I was going to provoke him into fighting by talking sh!t to him the whole night but while I was waiting for the Saturday game to arrive I did a google search of the name of the guy who gave me rides to the game. It turned out I found court papers and a sex predator listing on the search. 8O I figured what a "Shower of Bastards!" So I quit the group. The guy is also the guy who told me how to get in touch with Autism Services of Buffalo. If the others found he is a child molester and autistic I might get painted with the same brush. So I cut and ran.


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