Do you ever feel as if people are patronising you?

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anneurysm
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29 Nov 2011, 1:55 am

Before I started putting different kinds of social skills into practice, I was patronized all the time by my peers. They saw me as the "different" kid, and to them, different equalled slow. The less likely they understood me, the more likely they were to do this. When I started reaching out to people and responding to them in appropriate ways, I no longer got this kind of feedback from most of them.

I still get treated this way at times by people who are very unaccepting...usually what you would call "the popular kids".


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29 Nov 2011, 8:06 am

People dod speak to me like I was ret*d when I joined this club for teenagers with disabilities. I was the most high-functioning of them all, but the helpers there still spoke to me like I was ret*d or was severely disabled. It got on my nerves.


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29 Nov 2011, 8:31 am

i get patronised by people at times. sometimes i excuse it because i know theyre trying to be nice and sometimes i respect them but it still kind of hurts that they have to try. other times i just will not take it because i do not respect them and know they think me a child and are using their condecending manner to belittle me and i will not have it.



MyNameisNic
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06 Mar 2020, 10:06 am

ALL.THE.TIME! I feel patronized by the company's assistance program director who talks to me like she cares but only if it affects the company and in a voice that sounds super fake. I often don't get jokes or don't understand the meaning of certain conversations and am laughed at. I have acquaintances who talk to me like a kid when I'm trying to balance and not fall on uneven surfaces in the city. But most infuriatingly is when my boyfriend laughs when I get super animated about how frustrated I am while pushing the button on my fidget toy hard and repeatedly. He also picks on me because he knows I won't catch on and he actively says jokes at my expense that is about how I am different or, as he calls it, "just a little bit special". I don't realize I'm doing something socially inappropriate until I see that little smirk on his face, the smirk of amusement at my utter ignorance. My parents always repeated "Well actually" back to me whenever I'd correct them without asking (as a child) and kept saying how I was "too smart for my own good", "a smart ass", or "like those kids who know a lot of facts about trains" *face palm*


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IstominFan
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06 Mar 2020, 10:29 am

Sometimes



blooiejagwa
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06 Mar 2020, 10:45 am

Just some men who are not wise but think they are.
They are all older than me but under 50.

And most women


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Fnord
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06 Mar 2020, 10:48 am

MrJosh wrote:
Do you ever feel as if people are patronizing you?
Not only patronized but presumed upon -- when someone else cites their subjective feelings and opinions as sufficient reasons to dictate my actions or to "prove" what they believe I am thinking.



blooiejagwa
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06 Mar 2020, 10:52 am

VMSmith wrote:
i get patronised by people at times. sometimes i excuse it because i know theyre trying to be nice and sometimes i respect them but it still kind of hurts that they have to try. other times i just will not take it because i do not respect them and know they think me a child and are using their condecending manner to belittle me and i will not have it.



You completely summed it up.

I should have read the replies before writing as there is no need to add on anything when you wrote what I too experienfem.m


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MyNameisNic
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06 Mar 2020, 4:45 pm

Fnord wrote:
MrJosh wrote:
Do you ever feel as if people are patronizing you?
Not only patronized but presumed upon -- when someone else cites their subjective feelings and opinions as sufficient reasons to dictate my actions or to "prove" what they believe I am thinking.


It's infuriating when doctors and psychologists do that :evil:


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BenderRodriguez
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06 Mar 2020, 5:04 pm

Fnord wrote:
MrJosh wrote:
Do you ever feel as if people are patronizing you?
Not only patronized but presumed upon -- when someone else cites their subjective feelings and opinions as sufficient reasons to dictate my actions or to "prove" what they believe I am thinking.



This one is getting me up the wall and I can't wrap my head around as it happens here a lot too. Does anybody really believe that after hearing someone else disagreeing or disapproving of you, you'll completely change your own opinions and way of life? :?


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06 Mar 2020, 5:11 pm

MrJosh wrote:
I sometimes do. Especially in a work environment.

Sometimes I will speak with people and they will appear patronising, other times if I'm working with them, it seems as if they are trying to get more eye contact with me, speaking slower and just generally patronising.

I don't know if it's my imagination, but why are they doing this?

I don't have a diagnosis (other than Anxiety and Depression) and haven't told them anything.

Might some people just 'sense'?

Or am I just imagining it? :roll:


I often find that I am ignored or sidelined because I don't do the same smalltalk as other people.
I find that people don't seem to want conversations about the same sorts of things. I didn't have it at work because only one job I have ever done has not involved one of my two special interests, so it is usually a case that most conversations centre around one of my interests, so it is easier.
I have not been assessed yet either, but I understand it. It is as if people think one is some sort of child?
I just look at them daft if they overly compensate, or if they exclude me I walk away and don't bother as it saves me from wasting my time.
Don't get me wrong. If they want to talk about things in my line of rhinking I come into my element... But finding people who like what I like is not easy at times, because even in the subjects I like I have matured and specialized, but even then, if someone does have an interest, I am more likely to give out far more information then they can digest... :D



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07 Mar 2020, 11:03 am

Members of the psychological/counseling professions presumed upon me all the time. I always felt I had to accept less and less for my life. I am doing a lot now, but it is ridiculous that I didn't get a driver's license until I was 48. I stand little chance of having a completely normal life. What a waste and how unnecessary.



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09 Mar 2020, 6:53 pm

I don't know if patronised fits exactly but I have a history of being babied by my peers and in general being treated as if I'm younger. I guess that counts.



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09 Mar 2020, 8:00 pm

Generally i excuse myself if the convo does not appear inclusive . Have come to expect some degree of others being condescending . But have seen that often.... and [ do not judge them for their
shortcomings . ] Often , i find because of a wide degree of research have done , quite intensively .
Prolific use of the English language and being precise , has been a important factor in the hobbies and activities that i choose to engage in.

Many times , have found others will be dismissive of my convo . Purely on account that most times my choice of language ( innately automatically) . Without any conciousness on my part . Includes many words that are not in common use . ( Generally referred to as 64 dollar words) If a word is used in convo that is not within their normal vocabulary. NOT SMALL TALK ,You will lose your listeners .
especially if in a casual convo. Displaying good manners , A thank you, or a Pardon Me ? will help establish yourself as a person , Worthy of consideration . If not ? Excusing yourself always helps.
In short after all these years .. i quit giving a _________( insert bad word here .) :D


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ACuriousCreature
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09 Mar 2020, 8:14 pm

As a child I constantly felt patronized. It was strange at one moment they would be treating me as if I had down's syndrome the next moment they'd be trying to get me to show off my skills in mathematics or science to try and show off to their peers but, then again I was raised in a pretty horrible household, by the time I entered high school I just refused to tell anyone i had asperger's and people treated me great people only seemed to demean me if they saw me as "mentally defective"... so long as my sensory issues dont get involved I could probably mask myself forever.



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09 Mar 2020, 9:25 pm

No matter how hard I might try to "mask" (which I pretty much gave up even trying a decade or so ago), I think most people can tell that something's up with me, and it seems the most popular conclusion is that whatever it is, it must involve some sort of mental deficit. So yes, I get patronized. I also look young enough that at age 27, I'm still regularly mistaken for a high school student, which probably doesn't help things any.

As an aside, "patronized" is the best word for how I feel when people insist that I am not autistic, I have autism or that I am different, not disabled. Gosh, I hate that. But that's a whole nother topic.


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