The Adult World

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Well its good to have one--just don't use it. When you have an emergency or something, you will be glad you do have one. When I first got mine, I almost never used it. Gradually I got more used to it, now its not a problem. Also, if you have one now and start using it gradually, you can have a good credit score sooner which you often need for things in the adult world, such as mortgages or loans or being able to show you can pay rent to prospective landlords. But I know what you mean. I do admit that I have difficulty paying bills and I have had some very late payments. Which is bad for your credit score and I've had big late fees.

For me it's all too much for a 16 year old...

I suggest getting a debit card with overdraft protection instead of a credit card. I have never had, nor needed, a credit card.

A debit card works like a check to take money out of your bank account. The overdraft protection is there so that if you use it to pay for something for which you don't have money in your account, the money can be paid to the bank later on.

A PIN is simply a numerical password. Despite what they say about security, you CAN carry it in your wallet; only carry it in code--for example, multiply it by some number (two digits at least) which has significance to you, and carry the result instead; you can just divide it out again whenever you forget your PIN.

Having only one card to worry about greatly simplifies things.

I remember,very clearly when I was in 1 or 3rd grade,hearing adults "romantisize" childhood.I thought...they have forgotten how much it sucks.For me,childhood was more stressful then life is now.I had no control over my life,my desires,my schedule,my routines,my emotions...every thing was regulated by my parents,teachers,etc.If I expressed an opinion ,feeling,thought,I was told it was wrong and what was right and made to "pretend" like it was my reality.I cant think of any thing more "insane making" then this process.Children are invisible to most adults so I used to "ease-drop" on their conversations and found their hypocrisy and thought process absurd and cruel.I dont know what "innocent" children you guys were hanging around with but most of the kids were just miniture clones of the bigoted adults.They would just "parrot" the words of the adults even if they didnt understand the cruelty behind the thoughts yet.

My parents kicked me out at 16 but paid my rent and gave me $50. to buy my clothes,food,etc.At 17 and homeless,they offered to pay for me to get a room at the YMCA...I was scared s**tless of the place and attempted suicide just to avoid the scary old drunks there.There was nothing "romantic" about my childhood.I am supposedly an adult now,at 42,but have chosen to avoid the adult things that complicate life....no kidds,no morgage,no marriage,no credit cards.....keep it simple.I do have to work to support myself,but that is the only real stress in my life.Keep it simple is my advice.

Would making a living off writing books be considered simple?

I wouldnt call it "easy"....You have to be able to be persistent,not be bothered by rejection(a lot of aspies have good "stick-to-it-ivness")and you might have to travel to promote the book and find a good agent to represent you and a good lawyer to represent you in reading through contracts...so,not easy but not impossible.Its the kids,morgage,marriage thing on top off trying to write and promote your work when things get complicated.On the upside...when you become a famous author...you can live any where you want which saves on rent(dont have to live near a city to find work)However,most people who persue creative arts,have to get a "real" job until(if ever)their writting pays off.Have you looked at what the "top seller" books are now a days?A bunch of garbage reflecting the de-evolution of our species....There are still some wonderful writers,but given the popularity of "self-help" books,romance novels,more people spending time on video games and computer then actually reading books...I dont know what will happen to the writers of tomorrow.If it werent for books,I would have slit my wrists,long before now....so keep your dream alive...I will needless to say,need somethiing to read in the psycward of my future(lol?)

Same here being able to hide in my room and read is about all that kept me sane.. oh and save me a good bed when you get there Krex

I completely understand what you mean. I feel that way when I watch The Care Bears Movie. I think also when you're an adult, you relate more to the storyline..which in cases of older children's films, like the 80's. Alot of the films were rather sappy.

This is exactly how it's been for me. Adults in my life would regulate everything, and I mean everything: every little part of my life. Over time, I became nothing more than an automaton, devoid of everything that is human. I lived my life like a robot that my parents and teachers programmed, and knew nothing other than executing those instructions in an infinite loop (a computer programming term). I also memorized the phrases that my parents and teachers wanted to hear, and parroted them back when I had to. As a result, due to the way my parents programmed me, I still have extreme difficulty with being spontaneous, although I'm gradually learning how fun it can be sometimes.

It gets worse. Every adult in my life I asked told me they had pleasant memories of their childhood. WTF!? To me, the words "childhood" and "happiness" didn't even belong on the same page, let alone in the same sentence. I can't even fathom the possibility of a childhood being happy: you parents tell you how to do everything, you can't buy any item to you see in a store, you have to do homework with your parents looking over your shoulder, your every move is being monitored, and... (I better stop before I make myself too angry). I think anyone who thinks the childhood is a happy time either grew up in a bubble or is full of sh*t.

I look back longingly on childhood, with much regret that it is gone. Not because it was great. On the contrary, it was terrible. But thats just it. I regret it being gone, because it should have been different. I don't feel like I should be 20. I feel like I should still be 14. Because thats when things started getting better before they got worse again. So I think about how things could have been and should have, and how I would have done things differently. But now I'm 20 and being forced to act like an adult and plan for the adult world, when I'm stuck in high school in terms of experience. Socially, I am quite mature, but it is the social experiences I missed out.

Its like running races. Everyone else runs the whole way to the finish line, while I got put in a car and driven there. Sure, I got there in the end, but I didn't actually participate. I didn't get the excercise from running, so when the marathon comes, I'm not strong enough to do it. I know the way, because I've been in the car as it drives the path, but I have only looked out at the runners and the road. Now, as I begin the marathon known as adulthood, I know the way, but I lack the strength to do it. The car is easy, and it protects you from alot of hurt, but it also protects you from fun and the thrill of challenge. I wish I had just been let out to run.

I know others here have been let out to run and failed, but as for me at least, what I needed was social interaction. What my parents did was put me in highschool part time and selected specific classes, not the classes everyone else in my grade was in. This was to protect me. It was actually what held me back. I needed to have the same classmates in my classes so I could relate to them. but all my classes had different kids and I was always that one kid that goes to school but no one knows.

I am very normal in good circumstances where I am comfortable. This came as I outgrew my earlier problems. But as I outgrew them, I wasn't allowed to assimilate into the school, so I continued to feel like an outsider. I wasnt part of anything. So my traits of shyness and awkwardness were only worsened by the sheltering. This is what I mean by the metaphor of the car. I am now quite normal. No one would guess my problems. I enjoy people and consider myself to have good social skills. I am quirky, but in a good way, I see different solutions to problems and I am very creative and smart. But despite my talents, I live everyday with regret over a part of my life that was stolen. I feel like I need to go back and relive everything.

I'm 28 years old, but in my mind I act more like I'm 19 or 20 or something like that.

I wasn't put in any special classes while in high school. I had a couple of friends that I hung out with, but only at school; it was uncomfortable for me to even think of them visiting my home. Luckily for me, I have a twin brother who also has AS, and I did everything with him. He was my best friend and worst enemy at the same time... do you guys know how that is? He was really close to me and I could tell him everything, plus we had virtually identical interests, which was great. At the same time though, we were around each other so much that we just grated on each other's nerves, every week. It was a kind of forced socialization in a way, I mean he was always there and there was no point trying to get away from him. In order to tolerate each other for so long, though, we had to learn how to cooperate and learn how to deal with each other and our Aspieness. In retrospect, I think that having that forced socialization, and acceptance from a person who was always there (i.e. stability) really helped me out when I was younger. Regardless, I had still thought then that my childhood was always lacking. I remember being 18 or 19 and still living at home, and I felt that I had done nothing with my life. Yeah, at the time I thought that life sucked horribly. I felt like life was passing me by, as though my life was going to be utterly useless. Maybe that was stupid to think that way, I was already in college at 19, studying chemistry and genetics. But that's how I felt at the time.

Now, I don't really have any regrets about how I led my life in childhood. I don't really have any regrets about how I led my life period, except for maybe the 2.5 years I spent being somewhat addicted to online video games. I am grateful for the opportunity that online gaming gave me to meet people, but it's by no means a substitute for interacting with people face-to-face. That lack of interaction made me socially regress, and I had almost forgotten what it was like to enjoy going outside and doing a variety of things. I was used to seeing the world and being intrigued by the way people, particularly of cultures outside of the United States, behaved. Once I regained control of my life, I've become a lot happier. As an adult, I have control over my own life, I choose what I eat and when I sleep, what I do (or don't do) in my spare time, and how I spend my money. All those things that I regretted not being able to do when I was a child... well, I tend to think that I've more than made up for it as an adult, in the past 6-7 years. I'm in graduate school preparing for my career, but I'm way less serious than people in my program, my own age. I like to consider myself as an explorer and wanderer, and I can't imagine that changing anytime soon. It's been that way for years now, except that now I have the means to actually go explore and wander. At my age, many NTs are getting married and settling down and popping out babies. For me, it's time to go out and have some fun and see the world out there, in all its insanity!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jS2Q9pGFU9E&NR

Yeah, I’m having a hard time adjusting to being an adult. I just don’t feel like I’m there yet and don’t know if I ever will be completely. The older I get it feels like the further I fall behind people that are my own age.

But what age should really count as an adult anyway? Throughout time and throughout different coulters that age has been vastly different. Perhaps everyone reaches adulthood at their own rate.

I've always felt younger than I physically am, as well. This caused some of the social problems I had as a kid since most of the kids in my immediate environment wanted to be OLDER than what they were...
Bu now I'm 27 and I still feel like a kid, especially compared to all the other 27 year olds around me "popping out babies" (EWWW... I can see and hear it...) and getting married and having careers and such. I don't even want to THINK that that type of thing might be in my near future!! !

>>But what age should really count as an adult anyway?<<

I tend to go by the legal age, which is usually either 18 or 21 depending where you are. That's a physical basis though and really means nothin - it's all just about laws. Mentally however, I don't think adulthood can be defined, just as 'normal' can't. It's a concept as individual as each different person on this planet. However, in saying that, I do feel like I'm 12 both socially and emotionally - but then again that's my interpretation of what a 12 year old is and should be. Mental age is very much a matter of opinion and perception.