Do obsessive interests cause social isolation?

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I like to look at it the other way: humans are obsessed with their socialsing/heirarchical clan structures. We are the ones who use that part of the brain for other things.

I miss the Kids in the Hall...

I think most socializing is boring. They do things and talk about things that I'm not interested in, and I'm not sure that they're really interested in what they're talking about or doing either. And I can't hide borebom at all, so... they don't like me, and I often am not invited to socialize with them again.

This wouldn't really bother me (I mean, they are pretty boring, after all) but I know that it takes more than a few meetings for normal people to open up and not talk about BS anymore and actually talk more deeply about what they care about and become interesting. I never understood the protective blocks they put around themselves; mostly I think it's a waste of time. Of course, they consider me to be a bit of an exhibitionist with things, and crass, because I don't get it.

eh. I talk about Damon Albarn too much, is what I'm saying.

Hmmn tis true I find it hard to talk to someone about the boring useless s**t, but since I've accepted what I am, I find there is always something to talk about with almost every person, for example today I spoke to a 45 year old nurse, what would me and her have in common?

It wasn't about finding ground in social crap, instead I got her into talking about the state of the world, the state of mankind, and how silly us humans are in so many ways..

Yes, she is NT coincidentally.

Though they may get overwhelmed by us, I love to take them places they wouldn't usually think of..

I'm starting to love being that guy that isn't known as the same as everyone else, I love being the guy that talks about "bigger" issues, I love being able to find out what someone believes and truly desires in a few minutes of conversation.

Yes its harder for us, but we can see things, desires, and thoughts in people that NT can't...

Think about it, imagine if you couldn't handle EVER being alone, they're not going to learn half as much as someone that needs to be on their own, they're never going to be able to compete with someone who is obsessed with a particular interest and its growth.

Share what you can share, and if its not wanted, share it somewhere else.

I'm glad this topic came up, because I've completely reversed my position on it. I ain't young no more, but I can still change my mind once in a while.

I think the social isolation and the obsessive interests are entirely separate phenomena. The only thing they have in common is that aspies have both of them.

I believe that the social isolation is the result of not being able to communicate nonverbally, which is described as having an "unpleasant personality" or "something's not right with that person." I notice that people I talk to in person or over the phone usually dislike and distrust me immediately, before it ever comes up that I know the difference between Buddhism and Taoism. They don't dislike me because of my obsessive interests, I'm a person they dislike who also has obsessive interests.

Of course, not everyone dislikes me, some people just don't like me.

What I find interesting is that these two unrelated traits, the inability to perceive or transmit nonverbal communication, and the drive to pursue obsessive interests, occur together. There's a term in genetics, pleiotropy, where a single gene produces multiple phenotypic traits. That's sure what this picture looks like to me. I know the human genome type gel jockeys say it ain't so, but they only collect data, thay never think about it.

I don't know which one might cause the other, but they do seem to go together. If you have an obsessive interest, others are going to find it boring (and hence find you boring too); furthermore, you are likely to get deep into your obsession rather than shut it down for the sake of a social life. That's not a bad thing. People who are dedicated to some deep interest are themselves much more interesting than those who flit around on the surface of life - which is what most people do.

In the offline NT World, I find out what the other person's interests are, and than I talk to that particular person about their interests, and that way, they won't think that I'm annoying.

i do the same, Cockney, and I often find other people's interests interesting.

For me, it works both ways.

Having such narrow interests has meant my conversation can become limited - especially when a conversation revolves around mainstream interests that just don't interest me. Music, movies, entertainment, sport, that sort of thing. In social situations like that, I really get found out.

But on the other hand, when I talk about things that are my special interests, people can see the uniqueness in me and what makes me tick. This can be very charming for some people. And things like my interrest in supermarkets, for instance, do help to start conversations, as they are part of most people's lives after all.

I think there's a double-edged sword here. On one hand, many of my interests are "loner" activities, best done alone. But I am more than happy to socialize and have an engaging conversation with people if it's mentally stimulating. I like learning about people, their intersts and stuff too. In fact, I'm very curious about people and learning how to develop social skills to intereact with them is actually one of my AS interests. People are naturally interesting to me - it's only when they shut themselves off that I can't stay interested.

Here's an example. In another, NT-dominated forum, I'm rountinely trying to engage people with "normal" get-to-know-you or otehrwise mentally stimulating conversations. But about 98% of the time it fails. Why? It's not me - it's them. Really. They aren't interested in getting to know me or anyone else. They're not interested in thinking. They just want distractions - that's what passes for "socializing" too often in the NT world, I've found, both IRL and online. They just want to be distracted from themselves. They have NO inner lives whatsoever, or if they do, they're ashamed of it and hide it very well.

So at this forum, there's all these college-aged or older people having conversations like:

"Dude, I'm hungry"
"Eat something. Mmmmm, grilled cheese!"
"I'm a grilled cheese! LOLOLOL"
"No! Mary's the grilled cheese! I can smell her from here! LOLOLOL"
"*heart*"
"<<<<<<group hug>>>>>>>"

F*ck, it's like being in a junior high school or something. The high school student there are more mature and interesting - probably because they haven't learned to shun their own inner lives yet through rite of passage into vapid NT adulthood. No wonder AS people can't hang with NTs - we have too curious intellects and too active inner lives to deal with that inanity. I have to come to an AS forum to have a decent conversation with anyone online. How's that for irony???