Stopping hate

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Who's preaching here? Take your pills, lady.

You two having fun there?

You know I derail my own threads all the time....I really don' t mind a bit of derailing. It gives me something else to think about other than my own woes sometimes.

In my opinion, the key to stopping hate is awareness and understanding. (Come to think of it, I think my views were formed by the book Nobody Left to Hate). Though, this refers to hate, as opposed to only disliking someone. Everyone's behaviors come from somewhere, whether the behaviors are agreeable or unagreeable.

People that belittle, bully, or mistreat others are too week to cope with life effectively. (Though bullies have a false image of being tough and strong). Some people who mistreat others might also be coming from abusive or neglected backgrounds that involved a lack of love or proper care. I hate to sound too cliche but some of the prejudice people I have known came from abusive families. Also, people sometimes rationalize their actions by convincing themselves that what they're doing isn't so bad.

Out of curiosity, have you seen the documentary about the corruption on Wall Street? The people that were involved in that were married with familes but still weren't happy deep inside. It's like an illness. They'd use and abuse the company's money like a drug.

I hope that what I'm stating is making sense. If you "hate" other people, then maybe you're letting them win by allowing them to take your self esteem away. Things might be easier said than done, though, and it can be hard to avoid the painful sting of words and actions. Another suggestion is perhaps getting help by cognitive behavioral therapist. A good therapist is hard to find, but once you find the right one, they could turn your life around.

Last edited by rainbowbutterfly on 29 Dec 2011, 1:12 am, edited 2 times in total.

I like you Bumble, you seem like a lovely person, and very smart and perceptive.

Anyways Bumble, it couldn't hurt to pray or go back to church. Religion gives people comfort. God won't reject you.

Church is full of people.

In college, I had a psychology professor that would try to convince her clients to become involved with spirituality to help them heal from trauma. Spirituality has been known to help people cope with things. However, there are other ways to cope for people that aren't spiritual. My professor didn't go around trying to convert her aetheist clients to any particular religion. Instead, she'd just convince them to become involved with an organization or purpose that they felt passionate about, and that gave their lives deeper meaning.

Outside the Polish churches, this is nonsense here in the UK.



It's all in the head.



Word.

Hate is a strong word

We here are trying to help, and we gain nothing from it except the knowledge that we helped you. Does that not proof that there are good people, and if there are good people here shouldn't there be good elsewhere?

I feel the same. I blame myself for other people's nastiness. If a person is nasty to me, I think, ''it must be me, because I see that he/she has other friends.'' Also it's happened so many times with different friends I've had, but they still kept in touch with their other friends, so how come they aren't nasty to their other friends? It must just be me.

Also, if I get girls giggling me at, I don't automatically think, ''oh they're just nasty. I'm the great one here'', because they must be laughing at me for a personal reason, otherwise they would be laughing at everyone otherwise.

If there was a bully at work who was nasty to me but was equally nasty to everyone else too and nobody liked this bully, I wouldn't take it so personally. If there was a bully at work who was nasty to me only but everybody else liked this bully, I would get upset and think, ''yes I've done something to make the bully nasty to me.''

Whatever happens, it's nobody else's fault but mine, simply because they're the majority and I'm the minority.

I don't know if this would work for you (and I can't explain it very well), but here's what works for me:

I try to remember that people usually have reasons (not "justifiable reasons"...I'm thinking more about "cause and effect" reasons) for being horrible to others. And that, if my actions don't match the horrible way someone treats me, those reasons probably have nothing to do with me, personally.

Some people who are horrible to me might have wounds or "holes" inside of them (from being hurt, themselves, or from never being shown the sort of kindness and respect I think everyone needs) that affect their perceptions and their actions. Maybe they hurt me because I'm different and difference scares them, or because my differences remind them of theirs (which were never accepted) and so they need to put distance between me and them to convince themselves and everybody else that they are not like me (to protect themselves). If someone needs to be cruel to feel safe in the world and/or good about themselves, then I can't hate them....I can only feel sad about how they've come to see things (and really angry about how they treat me or others).

Because you asked how to stop yourself from growing to hate people, I'm guessing you really don't want to hate anybody.... If my guess is correct and you really don't want to hate anybody, maybe it would help to just remember that about yourself...? I think a disinclination towards hatred is a powerful thing (and something beautiful to give yourself credit for--more people need to ask themselves how they can avoid hatred, I think!)

You don't want to become a hateful person like all those other people, right? Then don't.

There are two sides of the story and realize that there are real and valid reasons behind both positions, whether its mundane or serious.

I've been subjected to the unreasonable cruelty, apathy, and ignorance of other people too, and my experiences with that makes me feel like I never want to hurt anyone else like that. Getting hurt should enable you to gain insight on how it feels to be unreasonably hurt and make you strive to prevent other people from feeling like that too. And just because someone hurts you doesn't mean you should hurt someone else/back.

It's like a chain of hatred. Only you have to find the kindness and strength in yourself to cut that chain so that it doesn't spread and further ruin other people's lives. Be the bigger person basically.

If you are still reeling from everything that's been done to you, find an outlet and channel all that frustration into something productive. For me, it was art. Sometimes, you can use that pain as a way to further motivate yourself to improve in something.

You can't fight hate with hate. And you have to accept this world for what it is, regardless of how unfair it can be at times.

I'm not going to say that there are "good people" out there and that you shouldn't lump humanity into one entity, because regardless if we're NT or not, we're all good and bad in varying ways in the "good-bad spectrum" and some of our decisions can be really, really controversial and border in the gray area.

Dunno if my two galleons were helpful or not or if I'm just spouting idealistic BS. But take care.

Hating people is perfectly rational considering how horrible most of the bastards are.

I'm not usually one who posts only to agree with another's post, without adding a personal bit of advice... but I would fully endorse what DNMA is saying here, bumble.

Currently , I am in one of my more cynical phases, and recent experiences with people in general have not been the greatest... but the world is not going to see me lie down on the ground and take punishment.

Respect yourself before you can respect others, love yourself before you can come to love others. You have to live with this world, but the world also has to live with you. Don't be afraid to step up and own the stage.

I think the best way to stop hate is to allow it. Let yourself feel it, express it, talk through it or write about it. That gets it out of your system so you can let it go. Suppressed anger can cause depression.