how to get past the darkest depressed apathy?

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I don't know. I went from being highly ambitious to not caring about the future. Moving seems like a chore to me lately. Hello depression.

What's wrong with medication? Don't be a p****.

Meds are for "pod people".

I'm wary of meds because I feel like I have to learn everything I'm meant to learn. I was 'on' valium for a while after bad things happened and kind of regret not feeling everything. It seems important, if I'm to be fully realised as God, that I feel all the available feelings and become all possible people, and now is just my time to be in bed with maladaptive cognition.

I have good success with Elavil, it was like hey who turned on the lights and I realized it was not me lacking the will, it was my crappy brain chemistry, prozac not so much...

however if OP does not want to use medicine, then I highly recommend he have a complete physical, to rule out any organic causes, exercise vigorously every day, and volunteer again at a job.

As in he will have a reason to get out of bed etc. and of course eat fresh fruits and vegetables, and counter his depression with raw effort. And his indomitable will of which I believe he has a lot of even despite the depression and bumps in the road he has met....

hgahahahahha

More of your wry humor, or you are delusional?

both

Meds are not for everyone, but they're not for "pod people." Meds served me fine. Without meds, I am not certain I would be as functional as I am.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing, "take them or reject them utterly, and make insulting comments about those who do take them."

Uh, is that humor and possibly in reference to the flower avatar? In the movie, there were those little flowers.

Being dx'd 'inattentive,' I'm pretty sure you are aware of what meds can do. But are you med free?

Fraac, the OP, mentioned something to the effect that he is waiting to be fully realized as God, I was asking him, if he was being wry or delusional, he has not yet deigned to answer....I guess he is busy working on that God thing.

Waits to watch this thread go sideways.....

I think you're overfocusing on details, PD.

If I tried antidepressants would it be pretty random which ones helped? It always looks pretty random.

Different anti depressants do different things and work on different synapses in your brain. If your doctor knows what he or she is doing, and is well informed on the variety of anti depressants, hopefully they will start you on the one most promising for you.

The down side is it can take 4 to 6 weeks before you start feeling better.

For example, my son has been clinically depressed. He was on Wellbutrin for a year, he felt it wasn't doing much for him. He changed doctors, the new doctor said, 'Wellbutrin is not the anti depressant of choice for people with social anxiety'.

So my son is in the process of starting Zoloft and staying on the Wellbutrin at the same time for now. The Zoloft works on a different part of the brain and it is actually working for him. The difference in him is remarkable. I figure the doctor will probably now take him off the Wellbutrin slowly and up the Zoloft.

My point being, if you have a decent doctor, who isn't just busy writing scrips for whatever the Pharmaceutical sales representative has just given to him or her to peddle in return for a free trip to where ever (I digress), but they actually talk to you and determine which anti depressant may work best for you and your particular situation, you stand a much better chance of it working for you.

If the anti-depressant works, you will know it. And when it does work, it is a great feeling, and it allows you to right yourself and get on with your life.

And one more thing, do not overlook SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, I use light box therapy during the winter months, and it works great.

My doctors are all idiots and industry shills, I would have to pretty much go in there knowing what drugs I wanted and hope it was one they were representing. That's just how it is here. There is no one I can trust.

I got a lightbox last year and I think it helped but this year feels different, like there is no textural difference between any two things/states/moments anyway. I actually feel fine, not acutely bad. I feel nothing at all. That probably means I'm dead and I just don't know it yet.

Absolutely. I don't take medication. For the most part I avoid taking any pharmaceutical drugs at all. Every so often I might take an OTC for pain, but that's it. I use homeopathic medicine. I am highly sensitive to pharm drugs, and they do more harm than good for me. Yes I'm well aware what meds can do.

If other people find a use in taking meds, that's fine, their decision. I accept that. But how about looking at it from the other side? A person says they do not want to be on medication, yet there is post after post trying to convince them that they should, and putting them down for it. Acceptance can go both ways, and so can the insults.

That's the thing, I think being 'on' a drug, as opposed to a one-shot use of an analgesic, empathogen or entheogen, wouldn't suit me. But if I'm crazy now with the old maladaptive cognition, maybe I can use another kind of crazy to get better. I can see how that might work. I would be aware that it's not the most honest approach.