Does anyone cover for not understanding something?

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Interesting, because I've never thought of not knowing everything as a fault. It does, however, take a fair amount of self esteem to be able to admit where you knowledge is lacking instead of trying to just string along and nod knowingly.

In the Navy we had a saying:

We don't mind stupid questions in the submarine force. They are easier to deal with than stupid mistakes.

i always say i do not understand if i do not understand. i do not have any desire to be seen as erudite or educated in the realms of which they speak. if they can not clarify what they are talking about rapidly, i will switch off to them and direct my attention elsewhere. it is seen as rude, but i do not care.



i never participate in the PPR subforum because i suspect that most participants are retreating to a google search to arm themselves for their next reply.

once upon a time before the internet, i used to be accepted as widely knowledgeable, and if i spoke with people who also knew the same things or similar things, i admired them, because i knew that they already knew what they were saying without resorting to looking it up in order to formulate their reply.

there are many people in the mathematics and computer forum and the PPR forum who seem astoundingly smart, but i know that they have just "googled" (the word "googled" almost needs no quotation marks anymore because it is a true verb) what that they present, and they will hope that people will say "how smart!! how did you know that?!?".

sometimes i will read a post in the mathematics subforum, and i will ctrl-c what their posts says, and i will search google for similar phrases and i discover that what they said was either a complete copy of what i find, or, more deceptively, a lazy rewording of the text i find and i think it is reworded in a few places to prevent anyone finding their exact phrase elsewhere.


for that reason, i have no real desire to offer what i know in my mind, because i think it will be seen likewise as a google founded reply.

I might "yeah... Uh huh" my way through light, meaningless conversations if I'm having a hard time understanding, but I can't do that a work when important info is being shared. Then I do a lot of paraphrasing to make sure I understand correctly. Ive found most people are pretty patient with me, I think because they appreciate the fact I'm really trying to understand them.

I've used this analogy about the way I think. Thoughts in my head are in four different file cabinets, one one each side of a gymnasium. Sometimes it's necessary to go gather info from one and then another, maybe even another, to complete "understanding". I don't have instant access to everything in my head because of this, and makes me prone to not "connecting the dots" very well.

My wife is baffled how thinking of one thing doesnt always automatically lead to the next logical thing. If given enough time and not distracted i can do it, but my days are fast and i have a short attention span, so when it comes to planning i usually end up doing a lot of innefficient backtracking. Sorry, they were in different cabinets.

Last edited by Aharon on 05 Jan 2012, 9:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, it counts. It's definitely something I was wondering about.

That second sentence is why I do it.

I know this guy who gets really frustrated with me when I don't even try to pretend, and because I pretend sometimes he thinks the "What are you talking about?" bit is the act.

I care less about appearing erudite than I do about getting into a conversation about how obtuse or stupid or ignorant or stubborn I am to not know or not admit to knowing what certain things are.



I don't mean trying to talk about things I want to talk about, which I generally have a lot of information about already. I don't bother with PPR at all, as the atmosphere is not something I really look for.

I use google for things like, if someone asks me what I think about a celebrity, I might google that celebrity's name to see what they did and see if I know who they are. Or I might just ask "Who is this person?"

It was like, several years ago I was in a conversation, but can't remember the topic. Somehow, Britney Spears came up and I asked "Who?" and people piled on me because in their eyes it was impossible to not know who Britney Spears was, but I really didn't. However, I didn't really care for the conversation becoming about how there was something defective about me because I don't bother to know every single celebrity someone wants to talk about.

The conversation that prompted this post was on in which someone quoted a song at me in the context of talking about an unrelated television series, and I had no idea what this person was talking about. I couldn't make a connection, and he kept answering as if making the connection should be the easiest thing in the world, and finally said he couldn't believe that I don't know the song. Except I did know the song, I just couldn't connect it to the TV show. I could have googled what he'd said and located the lyrics and understood, but I don't do that like I used to.

On another occasion last year I asked what "she's out of your league" means, because the idea that physical appearance means social status like that just doesn't make sense - that's an occasion in which I was accused of being deliberately obtuse.

So, trying to cover is a strategy I have used over the years to minimize those conversations because I don't like them.

I don't care very much at all about celebrities, though. I like some actors, authors, directors, and artists, but in the sense of liking what they do, more than them.



Well, I try to be explicit about using google to bolster my arguments, and post links along with my own explanations. I don't want to steal anyone's work, but a lot of information that forms my opinions is available online. I do not think this implies a lack of knowledge so much as a willingness to show one's sources. I don't look for "how smart!" because I don't even know what "smart" is (people's definitions are too unstable and inconsistent).



I wrote an entire thread about having that problem several months ago. I don't think of it as file cabinets, but the problem is very similar (or at least I think it is):

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt151907.html

I 4th that. Whenever I see my doctor I have to constantly remind myself to wait until I actually understand the question before answering, as opposed to 'riffing' on the context/general-direction/whatever-would-sound-right at the moment.



Both? I think so. I think it's being a combination of the "slow" and "smart" in a way that's confusing when people have the usual ideas of what those mean. That is, that you're either "slow" or "smart" across a wide range of skills.

For me, the "slow" part is definitely the the rate at which I can take in information, but in other ways I did alright (school/college and various techie hobbies). Most people seem to see me as one or the other, and only a few as a weird combination of both (which is closer to the truth).



I'm going to have to tattoo those on the inside of my eyelids or something -- those are pretty good!

I don't cover for my lack of understanding, because I often think that I am understanding when I am not understanding, so I often don't know about my lack of understanding, so I can't cover when I don't know.

When I do know about my lack of understanding, I usually ask people what they mean with a blank stare on my face. Then, they say something that I don't understand. Then, I ask them what they mean again. Then, they say something that I don't understand. Then, I ask them what they mean again. Then, they say something that I don't understand. Then, I ask them to draw a picture. Then, they might be annoyed, but I am not sure if they are annoyed or not when they are drawing the picture.

In other words, I can be slow or fast during conversation, depending on the topic. On some topics, I am fast, and I understand, and all is well. On some topics, I am fast, and I understand wrong, and all is hell. On some topics, I am slow, and I understand nothing.

Yes, I often don't even know I don't understand when I don't understand.

I hate that people try to argue with me over whether I really don't understand (or act like being literal is some kind of obstinate act of defiance).

Yes I do it all the time. Pretty much every single conversation I have with anyone. First off I have a lot of trouble just understanding what people are saying. It sounds like they are mumbling and the words fade in and out. If it's not important, like just boring chit chat, I will play along and nod rather than keep asking them to repeat what they said.

And if I do understand the words clearly, but just don't know what they are talking about, I will still play along and try to buy time so I can figure it out first. Because a lot of the time, I will eventually have an "aha" moment where I do figure it out. And I try to hide the "aha" moment just like I try to hide the "duh, wtf?" moment that precedes it.

If I really need to know what someone is talking about, I will ask but I still try to figure it out for myself first.

Me too. Sometimes I just let people make their assumptions. A lot of the time people just seem to automatically assume that I agree with them if I don't say otherwise. It's like they expect anyone who disagrees to speak up immediately and they take silence for tacit agreement. If it's just matters of opinion I don't care what they think I think. They can believe I agree with them or not.

But if it's a matter of making a decision, it can be a huge problem. People will assume that I want to do things, that I don't actually want to do, but it takes me awhile to figure out what's going on to even be able to say no.

I've been told by a lot of people that I'm very "agreeable" and I know it's a bad sign when someone says that. That's a person who will probably try to shoehorn me into doing something I don't want to do.



Yeah. I know I'm intelligent but I'm really slow to process things.

Sometimes what happens is I DO understand what people say but I just have to take a minute to absorb it and think about it. But people will assume I didn't understand so they keep on explaining it to me. And I'm just thinking, I wish they would shut up for a minute so I can think!



This happens to me too. I will ask people about things just because I want to understand their perspective. It's not like I'm asking them to tell me what to do or what to think but they take it that way.

I have also noticed people expect you to ask questions if you don't understand. Well how are you supposed to know you didn't understand when you think you have understood?

Also the questions you ask regarding things people do or the choices they make, people think you are being judgmental when all you were trying to do is understand it or try and get a new perspective or hear others perspectives. I do not see how that is being rude. I suppose we are to be ignorant and stay that way but yet people get upset with ignorance but when they try and ask, they are shot down for it. Then they are told to grow up when they express about how people are to stay ignorant and how are people supposed to be less ignorant if they aren't allowed to ask to understand? I don't understand the contradiction and I think it's a stupid social rule.

Yeah I remember one time I had just told a friend about a bad experience I had with something. Next thing I know she was going off to do that exact thing I had just told her about. I didn't understand so I asked her, "why are you doing that?" She took it like I was attacking her, told me all this stuff I was "doing" to her because I had said that, like I was being mean and I wasn't doing any of that at all. I just wanted to know why.

If I don't understand something in an area I pride myself in knowledge over, like political science, I'll just say something that's even more difficult to understand then what the other person said - forcing both of us to take a step back. Anything to save face in the brutal world that is political debate. I'm never going back to it either, I took a breif look into the politics section of this site and it's a s**thole like every other political section to every other site.

Exactly! I always thought that was better than faking it, or lying. But apparently not.

My problem sometimes is that I know too much, and when asked to respond, I need more time because my mind wants to go through every single variable and possibility before coming to a conclusion. I can't just say, yes or no, without looking at all possibilities. And this can lead to brain freeze, where I'm expected to respond, but can't.

Verdandi

I have agreed to things because I didn't understand what people were meaning like with a bill or official things. I was doing something (personal) last summer and the person I was doing this big thing with had to explain to me things often because so much I did not understand of this guy who was helping us.

Last year, I was overcharged for a medical bill and instead of going to the office I spent hours and even days obsessing over a letter and how to prove using their info and such that I was overcharged. Writing it out was hard and I did not go in and try and talk because I feared I would not understand and end up agreeing to things because of being confused.

Also, if I am being taught something I will sometimes not be able to learn or understand so I don't usually like that especially the more talking that is involved.

I don't have that much conversations and if I do it is short. I can respond to people but I don't do conversations too well. If I am with people I may just say things here and there. Sometimes I will stop hearing them and be off in my head and then realize that but I don't think anyone has noticed that.

Anyone ever "agreed" to something and had no memory of it?

It seems like people think you and them made an agreement and you never did. I never heard the words "Do you agree?" or "Let's make an agreement" or "Let's agree on something" etc. The words "agree" were never mentioned. It seems like when you say "okay," you are actually saying "I agree." I keep falling into this trap and I don't know how to stay out of it. Looks like I need to change my responses. Maybe I should start saying "I don't know" and see what happens after that. Just imagine having a conversation with someone and the person keeps saying "I don't know" than "Oh" or "okay." That sounds silly doesn't it or annoying?

Yes, this has happened to me. Sometimes I go along with it anyway once I understand what happened. Sometimes it causes me too much frustration, unfortunately.