Can outbursts kill you?

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Very strong negative emotions can kill you.

Not on their own they can't.

You need a mental or physical disorder there for thoughts/emotions to kill; negative thoughts/emotions can make you anxious (not good if you're a middle aged male who has high blood pressure), as well as depressed (depression leading to suicide).

then i should already have died several times over with the amount of anger and hate that go through my head each day, i should be dead if that's true.

course i end up twisting my nasty thoughts into plots and events for my internal world.

but yeah unless you have the will to put thoughts to action they don't do jack but give you stress, at least as long as you are mostly healthy.

but honestly i can run off of my stress and anxiety alone, the reason i can't sleep on my own.

anger is 1 letter short of danger

This is true, it is amazing how much fuss people make over these things and the judgements they form (usually incorrect ones).

I don't hit myself very often (although it can happen if I am extremely distressed) but I can remember when someone heard me screaming or ranting at myself. I was at home on my own at the time and apparently the walls were a bit thin where I was living. The support worker I had at the time made a great big deal out of it like it was the crime of the century or something. They make you out to be completely loony tunes.

The thing is:

a) I never scream at other people, as I usually feel it coming on and flee

b) I never become violent towards other people during one of my overloads. The only exception was when I was younger and they came at me aggressively. That used to scare me and I would become more physical in order to protect myself.

c) I don't do it in public if I can help it

e) Once I have had my meltdown I may be tired but I am ok. In other words after a bit of a rest my brain function and normal levels of functioning return. They are almost like a reset switch. I don't come out of them crazy or anything. Once they are done with and I have rested its like they never even happened. I have not gone mad! I was just upset about something and over loaded. Actually my preferred word for them is 'an overload' as that is what they feel like...like my system is overloading, hence how I know they are coming, I can feel the build up.

The thing is most of the time I just scream or yell when I am alone and I think no one can hear me and people think I have gone mad. Yet when I took up smoking again (after quitting once) to deal with stress no one batted an eyelid. It amazes me how things like going out, getting pissed and getting into a fight is seen as more normal and more acceptable then yelling at myself in the privacy of my own home.

PN I don't drink. Other than my outbursts I am a fairly quiet individual who spends my time studying or doing art and I am far too timid to get into a fight with anyone whatever state I am in (except as self defence if they come at me aggressively). I really do not desire to hurt other people so I tend to avoid violence and have never harmed anyone. I would never in my life attack another living being just for the sake of attacking them or even out of anger. I occasionally thump myself when I am really upset but don't exactly set out to do it, I have no desire to want to hurt myself and I don't self injure on a regular basis. It only happens that badly when I am extremely distressed.

All the same I won't talk about it with professionals because I know full well they don't understand. In fact their interference often makes things worse, because their lack of understanding upsets me. Their so called help is more damaging to me than helpful and actually sends my anxiety levels through the roof. I am less stressed without the professional help when I can potter around in my own way getting on with my own life quietly with my little quirks and oddities in tow. I have fewer meltdowns or overloads when professionals don't interfere.

Plus people treat you really roughly if you go into a meltdown in front of them, hence why I avoid it. I do not like being man handled or treated roughly, it hurts and it scares me. It also makes people seem cruel. I am very upset over something and all they can seem to do is judge me and hurt me more

I have not gone mad, I am not insane, I was just very upset about something and I was having trouble either expressing that, processing that or getting someone to understand that! I know they are happening at the time, I have not lost contact with reality as such, it's just that I cannot always stop them completely, not once they start. I have enough control to ensure no one gets hurt as I have developed that control over many years, but I still cannot completely stop them.

All people can advise is to breathe....I can tell you now that sitting down and breathing when I feel an overload happening does not work!

The best way to avoid them is to get away from whatever is overloading me if possible. Which on my own I do, but professionals expect you to put up with it thinking that it will become less distressing the more time you spend in the situation causing you discomfort. It does not become less distressing, the distress only gets worse and eventually you meltdown. Then they accuse you of being nuts or something!

Bah humbug.

Well you've all given good advice, so thanks. But with the self injury, I do it because I hate my brain, so I feel like I'm punishing my brain, even though afterwards I have to suffer painful consequences (headaches, dizziness, and a frightened mum).

When I hit myself in the head, I am yelling something like ''why am I here?'' ''Why haven't I got the social skills everyone else in this family has got?'' ''Why does it have to be me, me ME?'' ''I hate Autism I hate it!'' ...and many more. I just spend about 10 minutes insulting myself while slapping my head, crying also. I just never know what else to do. It's just my way of expressing how much I hate myself and hate feeling isolated and worthless, and if I express it calmly I'm always afraid that nobody in the house will get the message that this situation has disturbed me, so I seem to believe that yelling and screaming insults about myself and hitting myself in the head will tell everyone how angry I really am at the situation what has caused me stress and threw me into an outburst.

If I got a helmet out, I probably won't hit my head. I would properly kick something or hit my hands against something, or throw the helmet off so that I could punish my brain for being wired this way. I do hate my brain. I hate it.

You might consider getting a beanbag, something to punch and vent the excessive energy. I hope you are feeling better...

@Joe90 - I'm sorry to hear that. You sound pretty smart and self aware. Don't hurt yourself because you don't deserve that. Your brain is beautiful and complex. I'm sure you can be happy with yourself, forget what the world say, they don't care about nobody. But you should because you're very intelligent.
Anyway, if you don't feel very good, maybe you should see a doctor. Dont let things getting worse. Wish you all the best!

Mens sana in corpore sano. It is very distructive if your mind is full of negative emotions. But if you have enough positive strokes, you can survive mental illness.

Santa is also an anagram of Satan but neither of those mean anything. Anger is fine as long as you can control it. By that, I don't mean not having meltdowns, I mean not hurting others, and when you do have meltdowns trying not to hurt yourself too bad. Been there, done that. It's no fun.

how? i pefer my pessimistic outlook...

I'd say you should be okay, when i get stressed and frustrated it is the walls and doors, or its myself, i ended up fully smashing my forehead three times harshly at the ground while kneeled, ended up couching blood and nose bleeding felt dizzy and nice big mark and really bad pain went to doctors he said id be quite fine,and, well ended up quite fine : )

hope this helps your anxiety a bit more