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Do you watch a person's lips while they talk?

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Catamount
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21 Jan 2012, 9:40 am

I have also subconsciously always avoided any sort of eye contact or looking at the face. Lately, my wife has been trying to coach me on this and tells me to look at the mouth or tip of the nose. This way I won't get that eye contact anxiety but the person I'm talking with is really none the wiser.



b9
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21 Jan 2012, 10:06 am

i usually look at people's feet and scratch my head when they are talking to me.
it seems to them that i am in deep contemplation about what they are saying i am told , but i really just want to make sure that they are not going to kick me.



1000Knives
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21 Jan 2012, 11:49 am

Fnord wrote:
dianthus wrote:
Do you watch a person's lips while they talk?

Judging by how often I've been told "My eyes are up here", the answer is "no".

:wink:


Pretty much the same for me.



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21 Jan 2012, 2:22 pm

b9 wrote:
i usually look at people's feet and scratch my head when they are talking to me.
it seems to them that i am in deep contemplation about what they are saying i am told , but i really just want to make sure that they are not going to kick me.


In my experience, this causes people to think that you're checking them out. They only see that you're looking down and can't tell what exact part of them you might be looking at.



Mummy_of_Peanut
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21 Jan 2012, 2:27 pm

I lip read. My hearing is perfectly fine (better than most my age I suspect). But I don't filter very well (I expect that's the same for many people in here). If I'm somewhere where there's a lot of background noise, I have to see the person's lips, otherwise I'm effectively deaf to the spoken word.


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dianthus
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21 Jan 2012, 2:47 pm

CrazyCatLord wrote:
In my experience, this causes people to think that you're checking them out. They only see that you're looking down and can't tell what exact part of them you might be looking at.


I am wondering what it is that I do, that makes men think I am flirting with them. I don't look down so that's not it.



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21 Jan 2012, 4:43 pm

dianthus wrote:
CrazyCatLord wrote:
In my experience, this causes people to think that you're checking them out. They only see that you're looking down and can't tell what exact part of them you might be looking at.


I am wondering what it is that I do, that makes men think I am flirting with them. I don't look down so that's not it.


I read somewhere in this forum (don't remember in which thread though) that people usually only make eye contact 1/3 of the time. But if they feel attracted to somebody, they make eye contact 2/3 of the time.

So if you look at people's lips all the time when they are talking, they will likely assume that you make permanent eye contact and mistake this for sexual interest. (Which also explains why people were so freaked out by my permanent staring during my short "must force myself to make eye contact" phase :D Especially the men).


ETA: Found it. http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt187376.html
RobotGreenAlien2 wrote:
normal eye contact is about 1/3 of the time. 2/3 is usualy attraction or agression.



dianthus
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21 Jan 2012, 5:14 pm

CrazyCatLord wrote:
So if you look at people's lips all the time when they are talking, they will likely assume that you make permanent eye contact and mistake this for sexual interest.


But they can tell I'm not actually looking into their eyes, right? I thought maybe watching the mouth gets interpreted as "thinking about kissing". Because sometimes they imply that in movies/tv, showing the perspective of a man who is attracted to a woman, the camera will zoom in on the woman's lips.

Yeah I know what you mean though. I make a lot of effort to look at people while they are talking, not necessarily making actual eye contact but I guess it could still be taken the same way as eye contact.

Most of the situations where this happens, are work related. So I don't know why they can't understand that I'm just trying to do my job. It's not like it's an actual "social" situation, it's purely business. Yet they consistently respond to me like they think I'm flirting with them.



Circle989898
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21 Jan 2012, 5:26 pm

I'm constantly watching peoples mouthes or looking off somewhere else. Its hard for me to make eye contact and know what someone is saying to me. Makes me blink a lot.



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21 Jan 2012, 5:49 pm

Rascal77s wrote:
This is pretty common in AS. It's not that people with AS have bad hearing, it's the processing of speech that's the problem. Have you ever been actively listening to someone but what they're saying makes absolutely no sense and might as well be a foreign language? Happens to me all the time when there is background noise and I already know it happens to many of you. This is why ASD people focus on the mouth, not to read lips but to confirm what they are hearing.


I feel... Familiar with this. It happens to me.


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wokndead
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21 Jan 2012, 8:21 pm

ArtemisHolmes wrote:
Rascal77s wrote:
This is pretty common in AS. It's not that people with AS have bad hearing, it's the processing of speech that's the problem. Have you ever been actively listening to someone but what they're saying makes absolutely no sense and might as well be a foreign language? Happens to me all the time when there is background noise and I already know it happens to many of you. This is why ASD people focus on the mouth, not to read lips but to confirm what they are hearing.


I feel... Familiar with this. It happens to me.

I'm the same way as well! I'm so glad this was brought up.


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dianthus
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21 Jan 2012, 9:18 pm

This is the video I was watching, where Temple mentioned it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wt1IY3f ... age#t=570s