Is this a stereotype?
MakaylaTheAspie
Veteran
Joined: 21 Jun 2011
Age: 28
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 14,565
Location: O'er the land of the so-called free and the home of the self-proclaimed brave. (Oregon)
I don't think you're doomed. There's nothing you can do to control the feeling of anger, but you can definitely work on not outwardly expressing it.
Anger hits me hard and fast a lot of the time, and I typically feel like I want to kick something or yell or berate someone...but I don't. If I'm alone and get upset, I might kick my leg out or lift my body up and slam back down (hard to describe, but I guess it's like bouncing in place, except doing it once, with aggression), but I can and do control that urge around other people.
Don't feel bad if you can't always control it, though. I was working on editing my most recent short film yesterday, and I had headphones on. I saw that my boyfriend was trying to get my attention, so I held up a finger to signal him to wait a second, and leaned closer to the screen. Apparently, he needed to know something right then, because he continued to talk, and without looking away from the screen, I shouted "oh my god, what?! !!"...which not only startled him, but our two friends who were in the room.
Basically, I think you can definitely work on controlling your anger when the feeling initially strikes. You just have to train yourself to say 'no' as soon as you feel angry. However, if the thing making you angry continues, it's going to be very difficult.
_________________
Aspie Quiz: AS - 141/200, NT - 77/200 (Very likely an Aspie)
AQ: 34/50 (Aspie range)
EQ: 32 / SQ: 68 (Extreme Systemizing / AS or HFA)
Diagnosed with AS and Anxiety Disorder - NOS on 03/21/2012
Aspies don't have short temper.
Aspies face so many frustrating situations that people don't realize, that Aspies are "stereotyped" as having short-temper.
When you're yelling and people pretend not to notice or hear, when you are accused of being angry when you are not, when you're constantly misunderstood and patronized, when you're chronically accused of things you didn't do etc... well, this is too much to bear and logically create OCD and tantrums... whether you are short-tempered or not. Even Mahatma Gandhi would blow a fuse in those situations.
Aspies face so many frustrating situations that people don't realize, that Aspies are "stereotyped" as having short-temper.
When you're yelling and people pretend not to notice or hear, when you are accused of being angry when you are not, when you're constantly misunderstood and patronized, when you're chronically accused of things you didn't do etc... well, this is too much to bear and logically create OCD and tantrums...
Yes, to this.
Actually, for all of my life, most acquaintances would point out that they'd never seen me angry or even in a bad mood. However, once I started dating my boyfriend, being around someone else constantly, I began feeling angry all of the time.
Although, I'd argue that while not prone to anger itself, I'd say that we still do have a 'short temper' once we are in a situation that makes us angry. I'm rarely angry, but when I am, I feel it hard and FAST.
_________________
Aspie Quiz: AS - 141/200, NT - 77/200 (Very likely an Aspie)
AQ: 34/50 (Aspie range)
EQ: 32 / SQ: 68 (Extreme Systemizing / AS or HFA)
Diagnosed with AS and Anxiety Disorder - NOS on 03/21/2012
artrat
Veteran
Joined: 6 Nov 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,269
Location: The Butthole of the American Empire
Just because being quick tempered is a characteristic of aspergers doesn't mean that every aspie is.
It is not required to fit every aspie trait just to get diagnosed.
Anger is also common among N.Ts because it is a natural human emotion.
_________________
?During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act" ~George Orwell
"I belive in God, only I spell it Nature."
~ Frank Llyod Wright
It's some kind of bull people end up saying when they "have no idea why treating an autistic person like they're a child/more handicapped than they really are/an animal would actually make them mad"
_________________
Empathy Quotient Test Score: 63
Hmmm...interesting. Shows what you know about Aspies, doesn't it rofl?
"One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small but the pills that mother gives you don't do anything at all"
MindWithoutWalls
Veteran
Joined: 25 Oct 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,445
Location: In the Workshop, with the Toolbox
Personally, I have the "on/off emotional switch", the heightened fight/flight/freeze response, the extra sensitivities, and the indignation towards injustice that come together to create difficulty with anger. It also runs in my family. The reasons most people are unaware of it are that they don't spend enough time around me to see it, and most times I don't show that I'm feeling that way or don't show it in a very overt manner. Sometimes people have thought of me as a pushover, and that's part of why they've gotten that impression.
I try not to get too upset with myself for having had feelings of whatever sort. We judge ourselves for enough. We don't need to do it for that, too. Instead, I try to deal with how I express them and what I do in between having them. People here are giving good advice when they say there are times to not show your anger. There are also times when you can show it in a restrained way, while also using reason to communicate what your anger is about, why it's important to you, and what you need in order to make things right. And then there are those times, as has also already been mentioned, when you can, if you have the opportunity, privately give in to a need to let it all out in some harmless way. If you do that, you can always have a more reasonable discussion later, when emotions are not running so high.
But all this is very difficult to do in the moment, especially when a situation quickly arises and then the opportunity to do anything about it is either absent entirely or gone as quickly as the whole thing started. I think that's what you're getting at. That's why the in-between stuff really counts. If you make a regular habit of exercise and/or meditation, it will really help you to do better when those angry moments come. They help build in you the ability to cope. You only need to do something simple to have it work, so long as you're serious about it. But that's where being an Aspie can be a great advantage. It's another time when the tendency towards routine can support a commitment and assist in building something healthy into your lifestyle. The goal is that, when the anger comes, you have that extra moment in which you can think and/or the edge of the intensity is blunted a little. It can be just enough of just the right thing to really make a difference. You'll be able, in time, to figure out what kind and how much of the in-between stuff you need. Please be patient with yourself and give your experiments a fair trial period before you give up on any particular method.
If you still need to do something aggressive, breaking ice cubes on pavement works. I tried it after I read about it, and I found it to be true. Just try to make sure nobody's around to feel threatened or think you're nuts. It's a safe activity, but it could potentially freak out someone who doesn't understand what you're doing.
_________________
Life is a classroom for a mind without walls.
Loitering is encouraged at The Wayshelter: http://wayshelter.com
MindWithoutWalls
Veteran
Joined: 25 Oct 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,445
Location: In the Workshop, with the Toolbox
Oh, one other quick note: If you have anyone who is willing to listen to you talk about how you feel, it can be a great help to be able to get it all out. It's best if the other person acknowledges your feelings and their validity, then helps you to redirect your attention to something positive about the situation. For example, they might point out something good about the way you handled yourself that you hadn't noticed because you were busy focusing on the anger itself, something you think you shouldn't have done, or something you wish you could have done. They might also find a true up-side to your situation or at least some small thing that's worthwhile. This is not asking for meaningless platitudes or empty warm-fuzzies. It's supposed to really be constructive. If done right, it might trigger the "off" to your emotional switch. Practical advice is not always best, attractive as the idea may be. Sometimes it's a good thing, but the most important thing is to trigger that "off" switch in a way that's respectful of you.
_________________
Life is a classroom for a mind without walls.
Loitering is encouraged at The Wayshelter: http://wayshelter.com
Just because it isn't used for diagnosis doesn't mean it can't be there. According to Tony Attwoods book
a lot of use can have issues with anger. Sometimes it's that were unaware of it and let it build without realising it.
For some people it's like an on/off switch as opposed to a dimmer switch; chilled, chilled, slightly annoyed, ANGER!!
Apparently even some of use react with what would be signs of anger when we're sad; "I'm so sad I want to smash this thing".
It's fine as long as you don't let it adversly affect other people. Take yourself out of the situation, exercise or distract youself
with a comedy or your special interest.