Plucked up courage to make more eye contact with strangers
I'm quite OK with friends and family. Eye ontact comes quite naturally to me. I look at them when I'm listening to them and naturally blink every few seconds or more, then when I speak I kind of look away, only looking back at them for a couple of seconds at a time, but I find a lot of people do this.
But it's eye contact with strangers is what I find hard, when I pass them in the street. I normally just look down, or look away from the person. But it was all due to the fear of being looked at by other people, so looking away made me think that they won't look at me. But I actually felt looking down made things worse for me. When I walked with my mum or someone else like that, people always said hello to her, and I felt like I was being ignored by everyone. So I've now learnt that looking up and making eye contact will perhaps help me come out of my shell a bit and it might even change the way I think a little bit. Yesterday when I held myself up more and made more eye contact with people who I passed, I found out that they weren't staring at me, but when I look down I felt they were staring at me more than they really were.
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Female
Good for you mate. First things first, is what I always say. If you're willing to help yourself then go for it. Do whatever it takes. You're facing upto your fears by making eye contact with strangers that pass you in the street, and that is the first step. And you'd be surprised how much a little eye contact goes a long way.
I used to walk along with my head down and my hood up when I was a teenager, and my dad used to say it didn't look friendly at all. He told me to keep my chin up, my shoulders back, and thats what I did and it has helped an awful lot.
It doesnt matter if your Aspie or NT, the same rule works. If you keep your head up and your shoulders back, it will give off a much friendlier impression, and it will help in the long run.
Keep it up.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,916
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
Why would I want random people saying hello to me or glancing at me? I mean sure if that's what you want eye contact helps...but I already get uncomfortable if I go in a store and the employee asks me if I need help or says hi when I am just walking into the store so I certainly don't want random people in general acknowledging me just to acknowledge me.
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We won't go back.
Well just lately I seem bothered by the principles. They are over such small things, but these small things seem big to me. One other thing that bothers me is being told to be quiet when the telly is on. It's the irony that makes me so angry. I normally sit quietly when I'm in a room with other people and the telly's on, then when I do open my mouth something good on the telly manages to come on just as I opened my mouth and I get somebody saying, ''be quiet, I wanted to listen to this bit...'' and it drives me insane because it ALWAYS happens to me, I always manage to speak at that precise moment. And no, it's not when others have stopped talking and it's all completely silent and then I talk - it's not that at all. I just speak in a conversation, and just as I speak, something good comes on the telly. It's not that I don't let others watch the telly. It's just the same thing happens each time I open my mouth, and I know it's Murphy's Law. And I'm an enemy to Murphy's Law!! ! It's like in supermarkets when I get in the way of people - wherever I'm standing, even if the aisle has no people up it, one person manages to come along and always wants to pick the exact thing where I'm standing right in front of. All the time. And it just bugs me. And there are just other little things like that what build up, and people being unfriendly to me is just another one of them.
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Female
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,916
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
Well just lately I seem bothered by the principles. They are over such small things, but these small things seem big to me. One other thing that bothers me is being told to be quiet when the telly is on. It's the irony that makes me so angry. I normally sit quietly when I'm in a room with other people and the telly's on, then when I do open my mouth something good on the telly manages to come on just as I opened my mouth and I get somebody saying, ''be quiet, I wanted to listen to this bit...'' and it drives me insane because it ALWAYS happens to me, I always manage to speak at that precise moment. And no, it's not when others have stopped talking and it's all completely silent and then I talk - it's not that at all. I just speak in a conversation, and just as I speak, something good comes on the telly. It's not that I don't let others watch the telly. It's just the same thing happens each time I open my mouth, and I know it's Murphy's Law. And I'm an enemy to Murphy's Law!! ! It's like in supermarkets when I get in the way of people - wherever I'm standing, even if the aisle has no people up it, one person manages to come along and always wants to pick the exact thing where I'm standing right in front of. All the time. And it just bugs me. And there are just other little things like that what build up, and people being unfriendly to me is just another one of them.
Well everyone's different........I just like all that you said bothered you about not making eye contact. But that's just me if that sort of thing gets to you its good you've been better at it.
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We won't go back.
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